Want to date, but too much else to deal with
April 30, 2010 12:39 PM Subscribe
Never been in a relationship, craving intimacy badly, but have other issues I'm dealing with. What should I do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 20 users marked this as a favorite
My apologies in advance for the length and disorganization, my posts are usually a bit more thought out. I'm a 29-year old male who is apparently a very, very late bloomer and rather tired of missing out. Various crises in my life have left me craving intimacy even more, yet having a harder time actually experiencing it.
Quick history: I have dated a handful of times in my life, but NEVER anything past 1-2 dates. I missed out on dating in college due to a rather serious depressive episode + other socializing issues (let's just say college was a rather dark, lonely period in my life), but I feel I've grown/matured a lot in the years since.
As a result, I've been on a handful of dates in the past couple of years, but most were sort of one-time not-exactly-dating scenarios. Not surprisingly, I am a virgin - what's more, I've never made out with a girl, nor have I ever experienced any sort of physical intimacy beyond the occasional hug. I suspect my past introversion and shyness is the primary culprit and am trying my best to get over it.
So what's the problem? The biggest is that I've been feeling this weird sort of urgency to experience intimacy or take part in some sort of intimate relationship lately (intimate could but does not have to mean sexual). I think the reasons are a bit complex, but stem in part from a series of crises I have experienced in the past year (laid off, financial hardship, sudden death of a close family member) that forced me to re-evaluate my life a bit and realize I'm sick of the continual solitude and lack of warmth/compassion in my day-to-day life.
I know with all the fires I've been forced to fight lately, dating should be the last thing on my mind. But it could be years before my life is as stable as it used to be, if ever. What should I do? And how can I handle the loneliness in the interim?
FWIW, I've been planning on getting therapy for several months now, but had to move multiple times in the past year in an attempt to find work and therefore kept putting it off. I might be moving again next month for a somewhat longer-term job - if so, one of my top priorities after settling in is to find a competent therapist. For now, I guess I'm just trying to find coping strategies so I can keep my head on straight.
Thanks in advance for your advice, it's sincerely appreciated.