How to handle the breakup of a long term relationship?
April 22, 2010 11:54 AM Subscribe
How to deal with / move on from a long term relationship when your partner suddenly loses passion in said relationship?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I have been dating this wonderful girl for over two years. We were so happy and in love, and I had an unwavering confidence in our relationship. We both talked about spending the rest of our lives together. No talk about marriage, but just about being together. Traveling the world, seeing things together, accomplishing things together... We genuinely just wanted to be with each other, and our relationship had this wonderful passion that I can’t even describe.
We moved in together last fall when she started grad school. I’m finishing my undergrad degree (at the same university). Things were great that first fall semester. This past semester her enthusiasm for our relationship has dramatically declined.. First her sex drive disappeared, and slowly the affection she once showed (hugs, kisses, etc) has slowly gone away as well. She is terribly busy with school (so am I), and we have not spent a ton of time together this semester, but for the first 6 months or so of our relationship we dated long distance so we are accustomed to time apart.
I began to suspect that she might have been cheating on me with one of her classmates. She would regularly spend hours on end working on projects with him. I had a frank on honest conversation with her about my concerns (and the state of our relationship as well) after I had found out that she was out with him when she told earlier that she had gone to study. She assured me that she wasn’t cheating, but has yet to give me a satisfactory answer about why she is so distant. She has told me that her birth control pills and the stress she is under have affected her sex drive. I believe her when she says that she wasn’t cheating, but the reasons for the decline in our relationship seem a little shallow to me.
I can tell she genuinely feels terrible about hurting me. I know that she loves me, on some level, but I feel that her lack of passion signals that she may not want to be with permanently. At this point, it appears that we will be breaking up unless she has some turnaround and rediscovers her passion for me. I love her immensely, but I would readily separate myself from her if that is what made her the happiest. I am fully prepared for a life without her, but I am not prepared for how I will ever be able to handle a serious relationship again.
I really need perspectives on how others have handled similar situations. I am in my early twenties, and this is my first long term relationship. I’m afraid that if this relationship dies out, I’ll never be able to carry on a long term relationship again without fearing that any day the passion could just disappear.
So, knowing all that backstory (sorry), I would really appreciate perspectives from people who have ever been in my girlfriends shoes. Is this the end of us? Can a relationship be saved from this state? Also, if it does end how can I ever trust in another long term relationship again?