Is it ok for a three-or-four year-old to spend many hours a day playing DS?
April 14, 2010 9:41 PM Subscribe
My wife works at a pre-school where one of the little boys has little interest in doing anything other than playing DS, is not well socialized and a poor communicator.
Isn't this a form of neglect? This kid is being deprived of the "normal" range of experience during the most important developmental period of his life. What's going to happen to him?
do you in any way think that it's okay for a 3-4 year old to spend many hours a day playing ds?
also, consider that there may be other factors in play here besides "neglect". could be some undiagnosed manifestation of autism?? if that's ruled out, then what you say is true and it is hard to know the effect, but "This kid is being deprived of the "normal" range of experience during the most important developmental period of his life.".
posted by lakersfan1222 at 9:49 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
also, consider that there may be other factors in play here besides "neglect". could be some undiagnosed manifestation of autism?? if that's ruled out, then what you say is true and it is hard to know the effect, but "This kid is being deprived of the "normal" range of experience during the most important developmental period of his life.".
posted by lakersfan1222 at 9:49 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
To answer the question, though: no, it's not okay for a 3- or 4-year-old to spend many hours a day playing DS. There are a lot of studies that show a correlation between excessive screen time and various behavioral and developmental problems. Based on that evidence, pediatric associations give recommendations for limits on screen time for various age groups, and although I'm not familiar with Canadian recommendations, I'm sure it's not far from the one-hour total screentime limit recommended for that age by the US-based professional association of pediatricians. Your wife could bring those recommendations to the parents' attention, perhaps as part of a parent-teacher meeting in which she discusses the fact that the child's social development seems behind his peers'. Excessive screen time can contribute to that, in that it replaces interactions with adults and other children, so in my opinion it wouldn't be overstepping to mention it.
posted by palliser at 9:55 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by palliser at 9:55 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
If he's bringing the DS to preschool, that could be easy to stop. After all, it's expensive- it could be a liability to the school if it got broken.
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:56 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:56 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
First, I am also wondering why he is playing DS at preschool? Or is he not playing but distressed that he can't. If a competent preschool staff can't find a mix of rewards and consequences to get him away from the DS then the kid has a much more serious problem than lax parenting. Similarly, you have no idea what is happening at home. For all you know, this kid may be on the autistic spectrum and his "not well socialized" represents a major accomplishment and a lot of hard work by the kid and his parents.
And to answer one of your other questions, even if your suspicions are true, it would be poor parenting but not by itself neglect, within the child abuse sense of the term.
posted by metahawk at 9:58 PM on April 14, 2010
And to answer one of your other questions, even if your suspicions are true, it would be poor parenting but not by itself neglect, within the child abuse sense of the term.
posted by metahawk at 9:58 PM on April 14, 2010
My 3-year-old would be more than happy to spend the entire day watching Nick Jr. Happily, he is easily distracted from this desire, especially at preschool, where there is no television. But I'm sure that he sometimes pipes up, even at school, with a request for Dora or Blues Clues or the like - and there is no television at his preschool, just as I'm fairly sure there is no DS at the preschool where your wife teaches. What does the child do while he's at preschool?
Does your wife have first-hand knowledge of this little boy's home life, whether he's *allowed* to play DS non-stop, "neglected" in any other way, never exposed to "normal" experiences, etc? How does she define "not well socialized" and "poor communicator"? In my son's preschool, I see children with a wide range of socialization and communication skills - and I'm 99.9% sure that none of these children are neglected or deprived. Kids make different developmental leaps at different times.
Unless you have other specifics besides the child's interest in always playing DS, because what 3-year-olds are sometimes obsessed with doing may have little to do with the reality of what they're actually *allowed* to do.
So, tl;dr - just because the kid wants to play DS all the time doesn't mean he's neglected; unless you've got other evidence, he could just be a kid like any other kid, with his own quirks and developmental stages.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 10:02 PM on April 14, 2010 [9 favorites]
Does your wife have first-hand knowledge of this little boy's home life, whether he's *allowed* to play DS non-stop, "neglected" in any other way, never exposed to "normal" experiences, etc? How does she define "not well socialized" and "poor communicator"? In my son's preschool, I see children with a wide range of socialization and communication skills - and I'm 99.9% sure that none of these children are neglected or deprived. Kids make different developmental leaps at different times.
Unless you have other specifics besides the child's interest in always playing DS, because what 3-year-olds are sometimes obsessed with doing may have little to do with the reality of what they're actually *allowed* to do.
So, tl;dr - just because the kid wants to play DS all the time doesn't mean he's neglected; unless you've got other evidence, he could just be a kid like any other kid, with his own quirks and developmental stages.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 10:02 PM on April 14, 2010 [9 favorites]
What you're describing is not necessarily neglect.
Children aged 3-4 are learning socialization and communication skills, so it's developmentally appropriate for kids to be "not well socialized" and "poor communicators". Children learn at their own pace, so some kids will be further behind than others.
What is going to happen to him is that most likely he'll catch up, with or without intervention, or less likely he won't. People are not condemned based on their behaviour at 3 or 4 years old.
posted by crazycanuck at 10:17 PM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
Children aged 3-4 are learning socialization and communication skills, so it's developmentally appropriate for kids to be "not well socialized" and "poor communicators". Children learn at their own pace, so some kids will be further behind than others.
What is going to happen to him is that most likely he'll catch up, with or without intervention, or less likely he won't. People are not condemned based on their behaviour at 3 or 4 years old.
posted by crazycanuck at 10:17 PM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
I also feel a lot of concern and, let's face it, judgment, about parents who let their kids spend many hours playing video games, however, no one knows how playing video games impacts this individual kid. Psychologists, parents, philosophers, and buttinskis like you and me have been debating similar questions for eons, and a clear answer has not yet been found!
posted by serazin at 10:45 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by serazin at 10:45 PM on April 14, 2010
The child protection agency where I live defines child neglect (PDF) as:
So to answer your strict question about whether it's neglect: almost certainly not, according to the authorities, at least not without knowing a great deal more about the child's home life.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 11:32 PM on April 14, 2010
the continued failure by a parent or caregiver to provide a child with the basic things needed for his or her proper growth and development, such as food, clothing, shelter, medical and dental care and adequate supervisionNow the absence of emotional and nurturing support is a part of this and I'm told it forms part of the casework guides, but I don't think that a child's proper or improper socialisation—especially if they're actually attending preschool—would be a matter for any kind of State intervention.
So to answer your strict question about whether it's neglect: almost certainly not, according to the authorities, at least not without knowing a great deal more about the child's home life.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 11:32 PM on April 14, 2010
It's not neglect. Are you kidding?
First of all, if he's choosing to play DS at school, rather then playing with other kids, that has nothing to do with his parents. Maybe he feels like the other kids are mean to him.
posted by delmoi at 12:23 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
First of all, if he's choosing to play DS at school, rather then playing with other kids, that has nothing to do with his parents. Maybe he feels like the other kids are mean to him.
There are a lot of studies that show a correlation between excessive screen time and various behavioral and developmental problems.Aren't those for TV, not interactive stuff? What's the difference between playing with a DS and playing with legos or other toys, other then not developing your spacial stuff.
posted by delmoi at 12:23 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
some kids don't like hanging out with other people just like some adults don't like hanging out with other people. when i was a kid, i read a lot of books and wrote a lot of stories. if i had a DS i would have played the crap out of it. like delmoi, i don't see a major difference between video games which help all sorts of brain function stuff and something like legos.
and, yeah, certainly not neglect. if your wife discusses this with anyone, she needs to make sure not to use loaded language like that. working with kids and casually throwing out words like neglect or abuse could have major repercussions.
posted by nadawi at 12:40 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
and, yeah, certainly not neglect. if your wife discusses this with anyone, she needs to make sure not to use loaded language like that. working with kids and casually throwing out words like neglect or abuse could have major repercussions.
posted by nadawi at 12:40 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
It's not entirely related to your question, perhaps (which, honestly, isn't entirely clear), and I only have anecdotal evidence, but I've heard several times that the earlier someone starts playing video games, the less likely they are to be interested in them long term.
Anyway, it might just be a phase.
posted by Rinku at 12:50 AM on April 15, 2010
Anyway, it might just be a phase.
posted by Rinku at 12:50 AM on April 15, 2010
"It's not surprising how many kids turn out badly; it's surprising how many kids turn out well in the end". When you work with kids for a time you find out how many of them, in many different ways get a shitty start in life (anything from poverty to disability to poor parenting and so on) - and how many of those get over it.
That said, you have no evidence that there's anything wrong here. I was an antisocial little bastard when I was a kid, and if DSs had existed I would have far rather played on it than interacted with other children. How old is he compared to the other kids? If he's a bit young, has a non-serious language delay then of course he's not going to be good at communicating - and with that he's less likely to want to play with the other kids. Has he had his hearing tested? Hearing impairment in children can manifest itself as poor language and socialisation. All of which again make playing on your DS a nicer prospect than playing with other kids.
In short: if your wife works at an any way decent pre-school, they should be looking at the reasons why the kid is playing on the DS all the time. It could even be that he's not allowed to play on it for longer than ten minutes at home, and he sneaks it into pre-school because he knows they let him play it!
posted by Coobeastie at 1:30 AM on April 15, 2010
That said, you have no evidence that there's anything wrong here. I was an antisocial little bastard when I was a kid, and if DSs had existed I would have far rather played on it than interacted with other children. How old is he compared to the other kids? If he's a bit young, has a non-serious language delay then of course he's not going to be good at communicating - and with that he's less likely to want to play with the other kids. Has he had his hearing tested? Hearing impairment in children can manifest itself as poor language and socialisation. All of which again make playing on your DS a nicer prospect than playing with other kids.
In short: if your wife works at an any way decent pre-school, they should be looking at the reasons why the kid is playing on the DS all the time. It could even be that he's not allowed to play on it for longer than ten minutes at home, and he sneaks it into pre-school because he knows they let him play it!
posted by Coobeastie at 1:30 AM on April 15, 2010
Best answer: Special education teacher here: no, it's certainly not neglect, but it could be indicative of Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Poor language, socialization skills and deep attachment to electronic games can be signs of a form of autism (I am not in a MILLION years saying that's what this kid has).
Has this kid ever been evaluated? Has your wife met with the parents to discuss her concerns?
posted by dzaz at 2:37 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Has this kid ever been evaluated? Has your wife met with the parents to discuss her concerns?
posted by dzaz at 2:37 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Could be something as simple as the child is NOT allowed to play the DS to his heart's content at home, and sees preschool as a place where the restrictions on his game are more mild. Also, I would agree with the others that this in itself does not appear to be "neglect" in the sense that his physical/emotional needs are not being met at home. Buying a 3-year-old an expensive toy like that is not necessarily a decision I would make, but I'm not sure you could call it "neglect." Are there any other signs that he's not being adequately taken care of?
posted by lucky25 at 5:43 AM on April 15, 2010
posted by lucky25 at 5:43 AM on April 15, 2010
Best answer: Isn't this a form of neglect?
By your wife? Yes, I would expect the employee of a place that is set-up to look after the socialization and cognitive advancement of children to do better than to let him play DS all day.
By his parents? No. Letting a kid play too much DS does not constitute neglect. It does sound unfortunate, but people are allowed to raise their kids in all kinds of ways with which you might disagree.
posted by OmieWise at 5:44 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
By your wife? Yes, I would expect the employee of a place that is set-up to look after the socialization and cognitive advancement of children to do better than to let him play DS all day.
By his parents? No. Letting a kid play too much DS does not constitute neglect. It does sound unfortunate, but people are allowed to raise their kids in all kinds of ways with which you might disagree.
posted by OmieWise at 5:44 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
By your wife? Yes, I would expect the employee of a place that is set-up to look after the socialization and cognitive advancement of children to do better than to let him play DS all day.
This is my feeling, too, as long as we've read this right and there's a DS machine at the preschool that this child is capable of accessing at any time. That sounds like the preschool's way of babysitting "problem" children.
I can't imagine why a preschool has a game-player at all. Paints, play-dough, books, blocks, legos, climbing structure, egg-carton caterpillars.
posted by palliser at 6:05 AM on April 15, 2010
This is my feeling, too, as long as we've read this right and there's a DS machine at the preschool that this child is capable of accessing at any time. That sounds like the preschool's way of babysitting "problem" children.
I can't imagine why a preschool has a game-player at all. Paints, play-dough, books, blocks, legos, climbing structure, egg-carton caterpillars.
posted by palliser at 6:05 AM on April 15, 2010
Of course it does! Else why call it "too much"?
"Too much" is a value judgement here that is not consonant with the requirements for being found neglectful in most states that I'm aware of. While I am not a CPS worker, I am a social worker with some experience in child abuse and neglect issues. I took this question to be about whether or not this is neglect in the CPS sense. If it's just a question about whether or not we would consider it neglect, it should be deleted as chatfilter.
In any case, the real issue here is that many people who work with children, most assuredly teachers, are mandated reporters in most (or all) states. By law, they are not to delay when they find that abuse or neglect has occurred, but are to call Child Protective Services right away. So the OPs wife should get on the phone if she's honestly worried.
posted by OmieWise at 6:17 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Too much" is a value judgement here that is not consonant with the requirements for being found neglectful in most states that I'm aware of. While I am not a CPS worker, I am a social worker with some experience in child abuse and neglect issues. I took this question to be about whether or not this is neglect in the CPS sense. If it's just a question about whether or not we would consider it neglect, it should be deleted as chatfilter.
In any case, the real issue here is that many people who work with children, most assuredly teachers, are mandated reporters in most (or all) states. By law, they are not to delay when they find that abuse or neglect has occurred, but are to call Child Protective Services right away. So the OPs wife should get on the phone if she's honestly worried.
posted by OmieWise at 6:17 AM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]
Need so much more information. Playing at home or at school? Does he come from a wealthy or impoverished household? Does he have a parent present in the home most of the time or is he in care all day? Self-reporting an obsession with games or actually observed? (I was reading to first graders yesterday and one of them was telling me this great story about how his brother feeds him fireballs and then he barfs them up and sets things on fire. Because he's very IMAGINATIVE, not because his brother has ever fed him anything strange.)
W/r/t the question of neglect, I used to live near two children of around the same age, both with an at-home parent, both with some serious issues. Child A had an at-home mother who had some undiagnosed issues going on (probably depression, agoraphobia, and some serious self-esteem things) and so he was home with her all day, she was scared to leave the house even for groceries, he never interacted with other kids, and she often escaped into MMORPGs for hours at a time while he watched children's TV. His speech was very delayed and behavioral issues eventually developed (I don't know if they were congenital or if it was because at the age of five he spoke like a 24-month-old and so was perpetually frustrated with his inability to make himself understood). Not a great situation.
On the other hand, Child B had an at-home father and a mother who had trouble holding down a job. Because mom was perpetually drunk, and dad was a drug dealer (mostly high-end Rx pills) dealing out of the home. Shady characters coming and going, periodic violence (including child beatings), child left to her own devices sometimes for DAYS at a time while mom and dad were too stoned/drunk to even feed her. Her clothes were raggety and always too small. Child B was basically developmentally normal.
Guess which one child services cared about? Yeah, Child B. Child B was in active danger and was physically neglected. Child A had a father with a stable professional job, was up-to-date on his shots, well-fed, well-dressed, and obviously well-loved by both his parents, who were nonetheless flawed people making some serious parenting mistakes. Child services (both where I am and often in many places) is drastically underfunded, and my area has nearly a 70% child poverty rate. They're a lot more worried about kids undergoing active abuse or children whose parents can't afford to feed them, then they are about middle-class kids whose parents take good physical care of them even if there are social and developmental problems. If your wife thinks there is, legally, neglect, she should report it, but being aware that there's a high likelihood CPS won't be interested. She may do better with educating the parents and finding out what's going on with the kid at home to see whether there are specific resources the parents need. A teacher can usually gently tell a parent that video games aren't developmentally appropriate and he should be limited to x hours a day of them. And if the parent says, "I know, but he has tantrums ..." should be able to provide some kind of resource for helping with that.
End of the story, because I know I'd worry about what happened to those kids if I heard this story: Child B is in foster care (I believe with her grandparents, I'm not positive). Child A's parents eventually woke up to the problems and Mom A made a yeoman's effort to cope with *her* problems for the sake of her child. He's in school, receiving special services for some ongoing developmental and behavioral issues, but basically up to grade level. His parents are ensuring he gets appropriate interventions both in and out of school, and mom is doing a lot better too.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:13 AM on April 15, 2010
W/r/t the question of neglect, I used to live near two children of around the same age, both with an at-home parent, both with some serious issues. Child A had an at-home mother who had some undiagnosed issues going on (probably depression, agoraphobia, and some serious self-esteem things) and so he was home with her all day, she was scared to leave the house even for groceries, he never interacted with other kids, and she often escaped into MMORPGs for hours at a time while he watched children's TV. His speech was very delayed and behavioral issues eventually developed (I don't know if they were congenital or if it was because at the age of five he spoke like a 24-month-old and so was perpetually frustrated with his inability to make himself understood). Not a great situation.
On the other hand, Child B had an at-home father and a mother who had trouble holding down a job. Because mom was perpetually drunk, and dad was a drug dealer (mostly high-end Rx pills) dealing out of the home. Shady characters coming and going, periodic violence (including child beatings), child left to her own devices sometimes for DAYS at a time while mom and dad were too stoned/drunk to even feed her. Her clothes were raggety and always too small. Child B was basically developmentally normal.
Guess which one child services cared about? Yeah, Child B. Child B was in active danger and was physically neglected. Child A had a father with a stable professional job, was up-to-date on his shots, well-fed, well-dressed, and obviously well-loved by both his parents, who were nonetheless flawed people making some serious parenting mistakes. Child services (both where I am and often in many places) is drastically underfunded, and my area has nearly a 70% child poverty rate. They're a lot more worried about kids undergoing active abuse or children whose parents can't afford to feed them, then they are about middle-class kids whose parents take good physical care of them even if there are social and developmental problems. If your wife thinks there is, legally, neglect, she should report it, but being aware that there's a high likelihood CPS won't be interested. She may do better with educating the parents and finding out what's going on with the kid at home to see whether there are specific resources the parents need. A teacher can usually gently tell a parent that video games aren't developmentally appropriate and he should be limited to x hours a day of them. And if the parent says, "I know, but he has tantrums ..." should be able to provide some kind of resource for helping with that.
End of the story, because I know I'd worry about what happened to those kids if I heard this story: Child B is in foster care (I believe with her grandparents, I'm not positive). Child A's parents eventually woke up to the problems and Mom A made a yeoman's effort to cope with *her* problems for the sake of her child. He's in school, receiving special services for some ongoing developmental and behavioral issues, but basically up to grade level. His parents are ensuring he gets appropriate interventions both in and out of school, and mom is doing a lot better too.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:13 AM on April 15, 2010
This question is very judgmental, and I hope your wife has a more open mind about this than the question suggests.
First, is playing DS the cause or the result of the child's lack of social skills? Or just a by-product? Do you really have any idea? Lots of kids are shy or have trouble getting along with others, and disappear into private play, whether it is reading, playing with dolls or having imaginary friends. Please do not immediately rush to the conclusion that the DS is the root of all this boy's problems.
Secondly, I do wonder why the child is playing DS at pre-school anyway. Most schools around here have policies that either these devices (like cell phones) are not allowed, or they are only accessible at certain times, like lunch or gym, or else they will be taken away from the child.
If he is only playing DS at home, or when he gets to pre-school, or if your wife hears him saying he plays it all the time, you really don't know how many actual hours he is using the game. Children embellish, and pre-school kids have no real concept of time yet. How much is "too much" is entirely subjective, anyway.
If your wife has legitimate concerns about the child's developmental progress, she could suggest to the parents that he be tested for those specific issues, and perhaps he would be eligible for certain services based on the outcome of his tests. So, to answer the "What's going to happen to him," I would hope that your wife could have some input into that.
Finally, for all the talk re: is it neglect, and isn't this too much time on the DS, and should kids even be allowed screen time and all of that--I can only say, as a parent, that I think it is very easy to be dismissive about others' parenting when you are not prone to all the decision-making and other factors involved in this boy's upraising. You really have no idea about what is going on in that home, and your sole observation is that this kid plays too much DS, so you are blaming all the other issues on that. There might have been a recent divorce, a tragedy in the family, or maybe this child is just a normal kid going through a game-playing phase. Please don't be so quick to judge--you wouldn't like it if, when and if you have children, others were so quick to judge you.
There is a big difference between actual neglect or abuse and someone raising their kids in a way other than how you would choose to raise yours.
posted by misha at 9:42 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
First, is playing DS the cause or the result of the child's lack of social skills? Or just a by-product? Do you really have any idea? Lots of kids are shy or have trouble getting along with others, and disappear into private play, whether it is reading, playing with dolls or having imaginary friends. Please do not immediately rush to the conclusion that the DS is the root of all this boy's problems.
Secondly, I do wonder why the child is playing DS at pre-school anyway. Most schools around here have policies that either these devices (like cell phones) are not allowed, or they are only accessible at certain times, like lunch or gym, or else they will be taken away from the child.
If he is only playing DS at home, or when he gets to pre-school, or if your wife hears him saying he plays it all the time, you really don't know how many actual hours he is using the game. Children embellish, and pre-school kids have no real concept of time yet. How much is "too much" is entirely subjective, anyway.
If your wife has legitimate concerns about the child's developmental progress, she could suggest to the parents that he be tested for those specific issues, and perhaps he would be eligible for certain services based on the outcome of his tests. So, to answer the "What's going to happen to him," I would hope that your wife could have some input into that.
Finally, for all the talk re: is it neglect, and isn't this too much time on the DS, and should kids even be allowed screen time and all of that--I can only say, as a parent, that I think it is very easy to be dismissive about others' parenting when you are not prone to all the decision-making and other factors involved in this boy's upraising. You really have no idea about what is going on in that home, and your sole observation is that this kid plays too much DS, so you are blaming all the other issues on that. There might have been a recent divorce, a tragedy in the family, or maybe this child is just a normal kid going through a game-playing phase. Please don't be so quick to judge--you wouldn't like it if, when and if you have children, others were so quick to judge you.
There is a big difference between actual neglect or abuse and someone raising their kids in a way other than how you would choose to raise yours.
posted by misha at 9:42 AM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Because I don't know your wife, or this kid, I'll project a little.
I was very judgmental of the parenting of a kid in my social circle. The kid's parents let the kid watch TV, play video games, and be generally anti-social more than I would have. I tsk'ed at them.
And then I spent a few afternoons with the kid without TV, video games, computer, etc. It was frustrating and exhausting. Soon after, the kid was diagnosed with autism, even pointing back to baby bonding behavior before screens.
Yes, I think screen time likely has a correlation with autism spectrum. But I truly have to wonder if some times it's just the only way an exhausted parent can get through a lot of hours with an anti-social, temper tantrum-y, zoned-out kid.
It's certainly something I try to reserve judgment on, and have sympathy for everyone involved because I'm not there, I don't know what's cause and what's effect and frankly, it's not my kid.
posted by Gucky at 11:01 AM on April 15, 2010
I was very judgmental of the parenting of a kid in my social circle. The kid's parents let the kid watch TV, play video games, and be generally anti-social more than I would have. I tsk'ed at them.
And then I spent a few afternoons with the kid without TV, video games, computer, etc. It was frustrating and exhausting. Soon after, the kid was diagnosed with autism, even pointing back to baby bonding behavior before screens.
Yes, I think screen time likely has a correlation with autism spectrum. But I truly have to wonder if some times it's just the only way an exhausted parent can get through a lot of hours with an anti-social, temper tantrum-y, zoned-out kid.
It's certainly something I try to reserve judgment on, and have sympathy for everyone involved because I'm not there, I don't know what's cause and what's effect and frankly, it's not my kid.
posted by Gucky at 11:01 AM on April 15, 2010
Response by poster: Wow - thanks for all the great responses. A couple of comments on the comments:
Yes, the question is judgmental. Sorry, I couldn't think of a better way to write it, and I knew that going in. And I admit that it's none of my business.
No, they don't let kids play DS at the half-day pre-school. But apparently this boy is very reluctant to engage in the usual activities. Yes, he could be a loner. Most/all of the families are fairly well off.
What my wife noticed was that while the mother was in the school for some other reason, the boy is sitting in the car playing. All the other kids are in the school. That's... weird.
I hadn't considered the autism angle. And maybe I let my own kids play on the computer too much. Meanwhile, I'm going to watch and learn.
Thanks!
posted by sneebler at 7:35 PM on April 15, 2010
Yes, the question is judgmental. Sorry, I couldn't think of a better way to write it, and I knew that going in. And I admit that it's none of my business.
No, they don't let kids play DS at the half-day pre-school. But apparently this boy is very reluctant to engage in the usual activities. Yes, he could be a loner. Most/all of the families are fairly well off.
What my wife noticed was that while the mother was in the school for some other reason, the boy is sitting in the car playing. All the other kids are in the school. That's... weird.
I hadn't considered the autism angle. And maybe I let my own kids play on the computer too much. Meanwhile, I'm going to watch and learn.
Thanks!
posted by sneebler at 7:35 PM on April 15, 2010
What my wife noticed was that while the mother was in the school for some other reason, the boy is sitting in the car playing. All the other kids are in the school. That's... weird.
Well, it may be weird, but more importantly, leaving a small child unattended in a car is also something you're Not Supposed To Do for safety reasons. The one I can think of off the top of my head is hyperthermia (and you'd be surprised how low the outside temperature can be -- 70 degrees, according to the fact sheet I linked -- and the inside of the car still able to get dangerously hot). It's a bad habit to get into.
The legal information on that fact sheet is exclusive to the US, but it's actually a law in several states (including mine) that you can't do that specifically, and in others it's still something people get in trouble for, under more general laws about child neglect. It's also a rule at preschools I'm familiar with that the parent cannot even leave another child in the car for the few minutes it takes to pick up their child from inside, let alone to go into the school and take care of stuff.
posted by palliser at 5:41 AM on April 16, 2010
Well, it may be weird, but more importantly, leaving a small child unattended in a car is also something you're Not Supposed To Do for safety reasons. The one I can think of off the top of my head is hyperthermia (and you'd be surprised how low the outside temperature can be -- 70 degrees, according to the fact sheet I linked -- and the inside of the car still able to get dangerously hot). It's a bad habit to get into.
The legal information on that fact sheet is exclusive to the US, but it's actually a law in several states (including mine) that you can't do that specifically, and in others it's still something people get in trouble for, under more general laws about child neglect. It's also a rule at preschools I'm familiar with that the parent cannot even leave another child in the car for the few minutes it takes to pick up their child from inside, let alone to go into the school and take care of stuff.
posted by palliser at 5:41 AM on April 16, 2010
What my wife noticed was that while the mother was in the school for some other reason, the boy is sitting in the car playing. All the other kids are in the school. That's... weird.
My oldest son is very introverted. He has good social skills and no problem making friends but likes to have a lot of alone time and a lot of down time. It would be easy to imagine him choosing to wait in the car, if that were an option, or taking himself off into a corner with a video game or a drawing tablet instead of wanting to be with other kids while I talked to a teacher or took care of other business. The fact that "all the other kids" were in the school would be a bug, not a feature, for him under some circumstances.
And, yes, some people have called my son weird. But only people with a very narrow understanding of human diversity.
posted by not that girl at 9:46 AM on April 18, 2010
My oldest son is very introverted. He has good social skills and no problem making friends but likes to have a lot of alone time and a lot of down time. It would be easy to imagine him choosing to wait in the car, if that were an option, or taking himself off into a corner with a video game or a drawing tablet instead of wanting to be with other kids while I talked to a teacher or took care of other business. The fact that "all the other kids" were in the school would be a bug, not a feature, for him under some circumstances.
And, yes, some people have called my son weird. But only people with a very narrow understanding of human diversity.
posted by not that girl at 9:46 AM on April 18, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by palliser at 9:46 PM on April 14, 2010