Your Business card doesn't say if your prefer Dinner or a Movie.
April 14, 2010 10:59 AM Subscribe
An attractive female handed me her business card. It has her mobile number on it. Whats the best way to ask her on a date (Best = highest % of success, lowest possible creepy factor)?
I am Male, Mid 20s. She is probably Mid 20s as well. I received the card last Friday unfortunately I have been out of town since then
She walked into our office looking for a "co-worker" in another building (different department, person I've never met, but still my company). I explained where she needed to go, pleasant but quick conversation, then she thanked me and gave me her card. FYI, she is not a customer or a co-worker. I'm not even sure if she is one of our vendors. But this is not a "should I" question, I am sure there are no work/conflict of interest things here
I have no illusions. I don't think this was a "subtle hint" (my gut intuition did sense a bit of that, but then... I'm a guy). Though her title doesn't say it, I think she is in some sort of sales, so she probably hands cards to everyone. I'm sure she doesn't remember me.
So, given that: How to proceed? Assume I am a total idiot with women and dating conventions. If you are a women, what type of date/activity would you accept under the circumstance? Any thoughts welcome, but no sleazebag tricks.
And "don't call" is not the right answer. That is the one course of action that guarantees 0% success rate.
I am Male, Mid 20s. She is probably Mid 20s as well. I received the card last Friday unfortunately I have been out of town since then
She walked into our office looking for a "co-worker" in another building (different department, person I've never met, but still my company). I explained where she needed to go, pleasant but quick conversation, then she thanked me and gave me her card. FYI, she is not a customer or a co-worker. I'm not even sure if she is one of our vendors. But this is not a "should I" question, I am sure there are no work/conflict of interest things here
I have no illusions. I don't think this was a "subtle hint" (my gut intuition did sense a bit of that, but then... I'm a guy). Though her title doesn't say it, I think she is in some sort of sales, so she probably hands cards to everyone. I'm sure she doesn't remember me.
So, given that: How to proceed? Assume I am a total idiot with women and dating conventions. If you are a women, what type of date/activity would you accept under the circumstance? Any thoughts welcome, but no sleazebag tricks.
And "don't call" is not the right answer. That is the one course of action that guarantees 0% success rate.
I say that, of course, because it's possible the card thing was totally work-related. If so, the short, friendly e-mail will be ignored or dismissed. But if she was looking for more, she'll pick up the ball.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:01 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:01 AM on April 14, 2010
Does the business card have her email on it? This might be a less on-the-spot way to ask her out. Especially if you call her and then have to give the awkward runaround about how you know her and how you met last week in a building that she went to accidentally.
posted by amicamentis at 11:02 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by amicamentis at 11:02 AM on April 14, 2010
And if you send email, don't send it from work.
posted by plinth at 11:09 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by plinth at 11:09 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Giving you the card is either an "I give everybody my card all the time" thing, or it was a hint. If I'd given you my card, it would've been a hint. (Did she have it in her hand when she walked in? Was there a really good reason?)
I agree with email: "Hi Betsy, We met when you were looking for Dan O'Connor last Friday. I enjoyed our brief conversation and was wondering if you might want to continue it over coffee some afternoon."
If you live somewhere with terrible traffic and your office is far from hers, I'd add something about how you sometimes have to go to meetings (or live) downtown and could easily meet her somewhere convenient. But I wouldn't mention that unless you think travel time could be a barrier.
posted by salvia at 11:12 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I agree with email: "Hi Betsy, We met when you were looking for Dan O'Connor last Friday. I enjoyed our brief conversation and was wondering if you might want to continue it over coffee some afternoon."
If you live somewhere with terrible traffic and your office is far from hers, I'd add something about how you sometimes have to go to meetings (or live) downtown and could easily meet her somewhere convenient. But I wouldn't mention that unless you think travel time could be a barrier.
posted by salvia at 11:12 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: it does have an email, and I considered that. But it is definitely her WORK email. I'd have to be convinced that sending it to her work email is a good idea... I'm not there yet.
Salvia. No she definitely did NOT have the card in her hand when she walked in. We had already finished explaining that I was going to page the person she was going to meet so the person knew she was coming. We were about to part and I said something like "oh, what is your name?" ("or what was your name again") and she said her name then paused and was like... here, have my card.
So, ostensibly she gave me the card so that I would remember her name...
Also (and this reveals how much of a neophyte I am in this arena) the conversation was really short. I mean... the scrip you suggested about "brief conversation" seems silly because it was SO SHORT... but does that matter? I don't know.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 11:19 AM on April 14, 2010
Salvia. No she definitely did NOT have the card in her hand when she walked in. We had already finished explaining that I was going to page the person she was going to meet so the person knew she was coming. We were about to part and I said something like "oh, what is your name?" ("or what was your name again") and she said her name then paused and was like... here, have my card.
So, ostensibly she gave me the card so that I would remember her name...
Also (and this reveals how much of a neophyte I am in this arena) the conversation was really short. I mean... the scrip you suggested about "brief conversation" seems silly because it was SO SHORT... but does that matter? I don't know.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 11:19 AM on April 14, 2010
E-mail her and ask her if she ever found the person she was looking for. And let her know she can always come to you if she needs help in the future. There, perfectly business-like.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:26 AM on April 14, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:26 AM on April 14, 2010 [4 favorites]
Ladies tell me that they decide whether someone is dating/screwing/etc. material right off the bat, so the length of the conversation is irrelevant if it ended up with you having her contact info. Call me naive, but I don't think a young woman would indicate that she did not want to be contacted by giving you her direct contact info.
If you're not sure, ask her for coffee or lunch (as opposed to a drink or dinner.)
posted by griphus at 11:29 AM on April 14, 2010
If you're not sure, ask her for coffee or lunch (as opposed to a drink or dinner.)
posted by griphus at 11:29 AM on April 14, 2010
Hmm, it does sound like maybe she wasn't necessarily giving you a hint. Not that that should stop you.
the conversation was really short
I don't think it matters in terms of what you say. It does mean you can't be like "I want to hear more about your model train hobby" but ... you enjoyed the brief conversation, right? I don't know, maybe someone else can come up with something slicker.
I'm wondering about travel times and traffic now, and how to offer to make it easy for her, without implying "I mapped where your office is and can meet you right outside the building when you are walking to your car at 5:21 PM like you usually do." Do you think travel is going to be a concern for her? (I'd certainly think, "oh god, that's like 2 hours roundtrip on top of however long we chat" if someone's office was far from my normal path.) Do you think something like "have any upcoming meetings with Dan?" would work?
I wouldn't mind you sending it to my work email, and I wouldn't care if you'd sent it to me from work email. In fact, that'd ease my mind a bit. If you send it from your personal email, add a signature line with your phone number and address so that it's less like "Signed, Joe." Reminding me that we'd met through your professional office employment would make me more comfortable with meeting up with you and less worried you would turn out to be a serial killer. Also, an email is definitely better than receiving a phone call to ask me out on a date in the middle of a hectic work day while my boss was walking into my office.
Ooh, on preview, The Pink Superhero's idea is a good excuse for sending the email.
posted by salvia at 11:33 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
the conversation was really short
I don't think it matters in terms of what you say. It does mean you can't be like "I want to hear more about your model train hobby" but ... you enjoyed the brief conversation, right? I don't know, maybe someone else can come up with something slicker.
I'm wondering about travel times and traffic now, and how to offer to make it easy for her, without implying "I mapped where your office is and can meet you right outside the building when you are walking to your car at 5:21 PM like you usually do." Do you think travel is going to be a concern for her? (I'd certainly think, "oh god, that's like 2 hours roundtrip on top of however long we chat" if someone's office was far from my normal path.) Do you think something like "have any upcoming meetings with Dan?" would work?
I wouldn't mind you sending it to my work email, and I wouldn't care if you'd sent it to me from work email. In fact, that'd ease my mind a bit. If you send it from your personal email, add a signature line with your phone number and address so that it's less like "Signed, Joe." Reminding me that we'd met through your professional office employment would make me more comfortable with meeting up with you and less worried you would turn out to be a serial killer. Also, an email is definitely better than receiving a phone call to ask me out on a date in the middle of a hectic work day while my boss was walking into my office.
Ooh, on preview, The Pink Superhero's idea is a good excuse for sending the email.
posted by salvia at 11:33 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Same thing happened to me last week, and I'm going out with the girl this weekend. Unless she sells houses, why else would she go through the added step of giving you her non-work contact info? Call or e-mail her and ask her out for drinks/lunch/dinner...whatever. If you only have tangential connections, what's to lose?
posted by tenaciousd at 11:37 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by tenaciousd at 11:37 AM on April 14, 2010
Oh yeah, I forgot about that added step. Excellent point. I'd still email, but it does add to the Hint Factor considerably.
posted by salvia at 11:42 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by salvia at 11:42 AM on April 14, 2010
Just call. There's really nothing more to it. And act fast.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:43 AM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by Ironmouth at 11:43 AM on April 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
Point of information from a young, twenty-something professional woman: business cards for people in sales frequently have their mobile numbers. It has to do with being on the road a lot for sales and, also, the expectation of being available for work 24/7.
I don't think a young woman would indicate that she did not want to be contacted by giving you her direct contact info.
It's not direct contact info. It's business contact info. It tends to mean that they would like you to contact them for business reasons.
Is it possible that she was into the OP? Yes. Should he read more into it because she gave him a business card? No. Is there any way he ask out by calling up work number/work mobile and not have it be creepy? No. Should he send her an e-mail asking if she ever found the guy she was looking for? Only if he really, really wants to, except I'd hold off on an offer of needing help in the future to be a bit over the line and offer up some information about where the guy does work.
posted by joyceanmachine at 11:44 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't think a young woman would indicate that she did not want to be contacted by giving you her direct contact info.
It's not direct contact info. It's business contact info. It tends to mean that they would like you to contact them for business reasons.
Is it possible that she was into the OP? Yes. Should he read more into it because she gave him a business card? No. Is there any way he ask out by calling up work number/work mobile and not have it be creepy? No. Should he send her an e-mail asking if she ever found the guy she was looking for? Only if he really, really wants to, except I'd hold off on an offer of needing help in the future to be a bit over the line and offer up some information about where the guy does work.
posted by joyceanmachine at 11:44 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Not to be a negative-nelly, but, um, are you sure this was for real, and she wasn't an upscale call-girl out looking for new business? That would, in a manner of speaking, be "sales." NTTAWWT. The "coworker" story could have easily been a clever ploy to get in the door.
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 11:45 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 11:45 AM on April 14, 2010
If you don't want to use her work email, you could send a brief, friendly text.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:49 AM on April 14, 2010
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:49 AM on April 14, 2010
I think cuddles.mcsnuggy is being paranoid. I've never heard of call girls working that way. I'll second ThePinkSuperhero's idea about sending a brief "did you ever find him?" email. If she responds to it, that's your in. Your next step from there would be to ask her out for coffee. If she agrees and still hasn't provided you with non-work contact info, you should then ask her for it.
Before doing anything though, see if you can infer how far away her office is. Because salvia was right, you don't want to pursue someone who was only in your neighborhood for a short time but is based in another area code. And never, ever tell her you researched her location, if you actually had to do any digging. (And, it should be obvious, but don't research anything else but her distance from you, or you'll be in stalker territory. And it could make future conversation really awkward.)
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:55 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Before doing anything though, see if you can infer how far away her office is. Because salvia was right, you don't want to pursue someone who was only in your neighborhood for a short time but is based in another area code. And never, ever tell her you researched her location, if you actually had to do any digging. (And, it should be obvious, but don't research anything else but her distance from you, or you'll be in stalker territory. And it could make future conversation really awkward.)
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 11:55 AM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
There is no way to do this without a very high risk of being creepy. Here's what's clear in this situation:
1) She approached you as a part of her job in order to try to do business
2) You didn't have a long enough conversation with her to find out anything about her personality, her likes and dislikes, or even anything that gives you any indication you'd have anything to talk about on a date
3) She gave you her business card rather than her personal information
4) She gave no indication of sexual or romantic interest
What this tells me, as a woman, is that you want to go out with her because you like the way she looks. She's trying to be taken seriously as a businessperson, and you're focusing on her appearance. And now, you want to use information she gave you as part of her job as an in to get into her personal life? Creepy. I wouldn't under any circumstances go out with a guy who did this to me.
I know you don't intend to do this, and I'm sure you're a good guy, but being objectified at work is a huge problem for working women, especially those whose jobs require them to be friendly to strange men. Please, please don't do this. Not calling her may have a "zero percent success rate" for you getting laid, but it has a 100 percent success rate for her not feeling harassed and marginalized at her job, as well as a 100 percent success rate for her not telling everyone she knows that you're a creep.
posted by decathecting at 12:17 PM on April 14, 2010 [5 favorites]
1) She approached you as a part of her job in order to try to do business
2) You didn't have a long enough conversation with her to find out anything about her personality, her likes and dislikes, or even anything that gives you any indication you'd have anything to talk about on a date
3) She gave you her business card rather than her personal information
4) She gave no indication of sexual or romantic interest
What this tells me, as a woman, is that you want to go out with her because you like the way she looks. She's trying to be taken seriously as a businessperson, and you're focusing on her appearance. And now, you want to use information she gave you as part of her job as an in to get into her personal life? Creepy. I wouldn't under any circumstances go out with a guy who did this to me.
I know you don't intend to do this, and I'm sure you're a good guy, but being objectified at work is a huge problem for working women, especially those whose jobs require them to be friendly to strange men. Please, please don't do this. Not calling her may have a "zero percent success rate" for you getting laid, but it has a 100 percent success rate for her not feeling harassed and marginalized at her job, as well as a 100 percent success rate for her not telling everyone she knows that you're a creep.
posted by decathecting at 12:17 PM on April 14, 2010 [5 favorites]
she gave you her card. with her # on it. (she did not really need to) - we`ll assume that she wanted you to call. so, you should call. ask her out to lunch or coffee. simple and direct.
if that was her intention, she will agree and go out with you.
if that was NOT her intention, then you are already behind the 8-ball - you can't do much worse from there.
either way. the right answer is to call.
posted by cusecase at 12:25 PM on April 14, 2010
if that was her intention, she will agree and go out with you.
if that was NOT her intention, then you are already behind the 8-ball - you can't do much worse from there.
either way. the right answer is to call.
posted by cusecase at 12:25 PM on April 14, 2010
Calling her is definitely not creepy. She gave you her card! With her phone number on it!
Yeah, maybe she only wants calls for business reasons...but calling someone on a phone number she gave you is not creepy. If she is not interested she can blow you off. Only if you kept calling her after that would it be creepy.
posted by massysett at 12:38 PM on April 14, 2010
Yeah, maybe she only wants calls for business reasons...but calling someone on a phone number she gave you is not creepy. If she is not interested she can blow you off. Only if you kept calling her after that would it be creepy.
posted by massysett at 12:38 PM on April 14, 2010
Don't over think it. Just send a nice short professional hello. If she responds within a day or so then you have a good chance and can continue the conversation. If it takes a week or two for her to respond then she isn't interested. Unless she apologizes sincerely for not being able to get back to you.
When I was in my 20's I was also afraid to approach someone for fear of rejection or creeping someone out. As I got to my forties I realized that I wasted many good chances probably. Now that I am older I have tried this numerous times and have not had much success but I can at least say too myself that I tried.
Short answer: Always take the chance.
posted by Justin Case at 12:38 PM on April 14, 2010
When I was in my 20's I was also afraid to approach someone for fear of rejection or creeping someone out. As I got to my forties I realized that I wasted many good chances probably. Now that I am older I have tried this numerous times and have not had much success but I can at least say too myself that I tried.
Short answer: Always take the chance.
posted by Justin Case at 12:38 PM on April 14, 2010
What if she gave you the card in case she never wound up finding whom she was looking for, so that when you ran into that person, you'd be able to furnish the proper contact information for "some woman who was looking for you earlier"?
But, I do agree that if she absolutely never wanted to be contacted by you, she would not have given you her card for any reason. She wouldn't have risked... exactly the situation she doesn't know that she's in right now.
My advice, as a mid-20s professional woman, is that you be completely straight about why you're contacting her. If you bring up "did you ever find that guy" or "let's talk business," then it will really seem like you're trying to weasel your way into her personal life through business, which will be sneaky/creepy/deceptive and a turn-off. Just be totally upfront -- you're taking a risk (risk-taking men are hot!), you liked talking to her, you liked [whatever specific reason you have for wanting to further your relationship with her beyond "she's hot"], you'd like to take her out sometime, for coffee or drinks or dinner.
I really like the e-mail idea -- coming from your work e-mail, you won't have to go through so much "wait, who are you?" explanation. You can even ask in the e-mail if it would be alright if you called her. Or rather yet, say "I'd like to call you sometime, please tell me if that would alright." My instinct is that you should phrase the e-mail in a way that will allow her not to respond at all -- so that she isn't forced to outright reject you with a "no thanks" e-mail and make any further possible professional dealings uncomfortable.
Don't go overboard with the self-deprecation, do not use the word "creepy" at all, don't apologize.
I hope you are proselytizing to all of your male friends that they should be as gutsy and risk-taking as you are when it comes to asking women out. Good luck!
posted by thebazilist at 12:46 PM on April 14, 2010
But, I do agree that if she absolutely never wanted to be contacted by you, she would not have given you her card for any reason. She wouldn't have risked... exactly the situation she doesn't know that she's in right now.
My advice, as a mid-20s professional woman, is that you be completely straight about why you're contacting her. If you bring up "did you ever find that guy" or "let's talk business," then it will really seem like you're trying to weasel your way into her personal life through business, which will be sneaky/creepy/deceptive and a turn-off. Just be totally upfront -- you're taking a risk (risk-taking men are hot!), you liked talking to her, you liked [whatever specific reason you have for wanting to further your relationship with her beyond "she's hot"], you'd like to take her out sometime, for coffee or drinks or dinner.
I really like the e-mail idea -- coming from your work e-mail, you won't have to go through so much "wait, who are you?" explanation. You can even ask in the e-mail if it would be alright if you called her. Or rather yet, say "I'd like to call you sometime, please tell me if that would alright." My instinct is that you should phrase the e-mail in a way that will allow her not to respond at all -- so that she isn't forced to outright reject you with a "no thanks" e-mail and make any further possible professional dealings uncomfortable.
Don't go overboard with the self-deprecation, do not use the word "creepy" at all, don't apologize.
I hope you are proselytizing to all of your male friends that they should be as gutsy and risk-taking as you are when it comes to asking women out. Good luck!
posted by thebazilist at 12:46 PM on April 14, 2010
Response by poster: The card has no address, and the corporate website gives no hints either. So... I'm in the dark about locations without hiring a private eye (joke). HOWEVER, all the numbers (the "office", fax and mobile) are my area code, so she has to be local.
To be clear. It is a business card for a real technology company that the marketing side of my company probably uses (like virtual meetings stuff). I paged the co-worker, she knew she was coming (so cuddles.mcsnuggy... your on crack... sorry). and the mobile is one of the PRINTED numbers on the card. - want to make that clear
decathecting - I appreciate your feminist perspective and modern business woman plight... part of the reason I asked the question and am weighing your feedback. I don't want to get into it, but let's just say feminism (or rather guilt about my "masculineism") is party to blame for me not going on ANY dates for too long. I hate Neanderthal guys, but testosterone courses through my veins much as I'd like to deny it.
I'll send an email. I don't want to do it from work because my manager (technically) has access to our email. Wish me luck! (or curse me to hell for being a shallow guy... either way ;)
posted by DetonatedManiac at 1:24 PM on April 14, 2010
To be clear. It is a business card for a real technology company that the marketing side of my company probably uses (like virtual meetings stuff). I paged the co-worker, she knew she was coming (so cuddles.mcsnuggy... your on crack... sorry). and the mobile is one of the PRINTED numbers on the card. - want to make that clear
decathecting - I appreciate your feminist perspective and modern business woman plight... part of the reason I asked the question and am weighing your feedback. I don't want to get into it, but let's just say feminism (or rather guilt about my "masculineism") is party to blame for me not going on ANY dates for too long. I hate Neanderthal guys, but testosterone courses through my veins much as I'd like to deny it.
I'll send an email. I don't want to do it from work because my manager (technically) has access to our email. Wish me luck! (or curse me to hell for being a shallow guy... either way ;)
posted by DetonatedManiac at 1:24 PM on April 14, 2010
Send her a text. This is the new millennium -- nobody uses the phone.
posted by Afroblanco at 1:37 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by Afroblanco at 1:37 PM on April 14, 2010
OP, can you tell us how this plays out? This would be a good case study for people in similar scenarios in the future. I'm also voting for calling her, she'll remember you, just have something funny to say to break the ice. Seriously, what do you have to lose?
posted by the foreground at 1:38 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by the foreground at 1:38 PM on April 14, 2010
Response by poster: Ok, it's done. I went with personal email for various reasons above. here is what I wrote (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):
Subject: Interested in Coffee some time?
Ms.BizCard, (used first name)
We met briefly last week, you had a meeting with Jane Doe from my Company (XYZ Corp). You gave me your business card after I directed you to the other building where the meeting was. I hope you had the time to take the walking path to the lower building, it was a beautiful day.
Would you be interested in meeting for coffee some time? I know a great place near our building.
I'd like to hear back from you, but I'll understand if I don't.
-My Name
-My Mobile Phone
I forgot to mention, one of the quick comments I made to her was that she should take this little paved foot path (maybe 100 yards) that links the two buildings.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 1:47 PM on April 14, 2010 [6 favorites]
Subject: Interested in Coffee some time?
Ms.BizCard, (used first name)
We met briefly last week, you had a meeting with Jane Doe from my Company (XYZ Corp). You gave me your business card after I directed you to the other building where the meeting was. I hope you had the time to take the walking path to the lower building, it was a beautiful day.
Would you be interested in meeting for coffee some time? I know a great place near our building.
I'd like to hear back from you, but I'll understand if I don't.
-My Name
-My Mobile Phone
I forgot to mention, one of the quick comments I made to her was that she should take this little paved foot path (maybe 100 yards) that links the two buildings.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 1:47 PM on April 14, 2010 [6 favorites]
Good luck! I think that was a well-written email. Congrats, seriously - asking someone out is tough to do.
posted by amicamentis at 1:55 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by amicamentis at 1:55 PM on April 14, 2010
Honestly, that sounds like a great email. Low pressure, non-creepy. She can ignore it, say no thanks, or say yes. If she does ignore it, don't send fifteen follow-up "hi, I wanted to check that you got my previous email" messages. Take the hint and move on.
I'll cross my fingers for this to work!
posted by Forktine at 2:09 PM on April 14, 2010
I'll cross my fingers for this to work!
posted by Forktine at 2:09 PM on April 14, 2010
Good luck!
posted by ocherdraco at 3:16 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by ocherdraco at 3:16 PM on April 14, 2010
Send her a text. This is the new millennium -- nobody uses the phone.
Speak for yourself. If someone asked me out by text, I'd laugh and wouldn't take it seriously at all. It's flip and insincere.
posted by cmgonzalez at 5:05 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Speak for yourself. If someone asked me out by text, I'd laugh and wouldn't take it seriously at all. It's flip and insincere.
posted by cmgonzalez at 5:05 PM on April 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
And my thoughts when reading this situation were similar to decathething's, in that you seem to be shallow about your reasons for wanting to go out with her, and it's kind of creepy on a level that some men may not understand. But, since you've already sent the email, good luck. Blaming feminism for not getting a date is pretty cheap though.
posted by cmgonzalez at 5:14 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by cmgonzalez at 5:14 PM on April 14, 2010
Response by poster: cmgonzalez/decathecting - Let me publicly retract anything I said about blaming feminism. That was out of line, my bitterness getting the better of me. Sorry.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 7:24 PM on April 14, 2010
posted by DetonatedManiac at 7:24 PM on April 14, 2010
Good luck hope it works!
I always advocate calling before emailing because its so hard to charm someone into going out with you in an email, but either way, good work kicking your fear in the fave and putting yourself out there.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:31 PM on April 14, 2010
I always advocate calling before emailing because its so hard to charm someone into going out with you in an email, but either way, good work kicking your fear in the fave and putting yourself out there.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:31 PM on April 14, 2010
It seems a bit unfair to call him "shallow" in this regard. I think it was perfectly understandable (and common) for the OP to want to ask her out.
But whether he was in a good position to do so is another matter. My opinion would've been that unless she actually implied that he get in touch sometime, I'd leave it alone, no matter how painful. And if she gets hit on all the time, their initial brief encounter would just add to her misery. But he did take her potential feelings into consideration, which is a good sign. And not shallow.
I do put more stock on the women's advice here since they're the ones on the receiving end of our advances, but there didn't seem to be a consensus. But since he took the leap, I heartily wish him good luck, and hope a heartwarming story unfolds, and not a train wreck. Yikes.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 2:19 AM on April 15, 2010
But whether he was in a good position to do so is another matter. My opinion would've been that unless she actually implied that he get in touch sometime, I'd leave it alone, no matter how painful. And if she gets hit on all the time, their initial brief encounter would just add to her misery. But he did take her potential feelings into consideration, which is a good sign. And not shallow.
I do put more stock on the women's advice here since they're the ones on the receiving end of our advances, but there didn't seem to be a consensus. But since he took the leap, I heartily wish him good luck, and hope a heartwarming story unfolds, and not a train wreck. Yikes.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 2:19 AM on April 15, 2010
Good luck! Sorry I'm just commenting so that I can keep up with any updates :)
posted by like_neon at 5:54 AM on April 15, 2010
posted by like_neon at 5:54 AM on April 15, 2010
I agree with joyceanmachine and decathecting. I am a guy, but I've had tons of women friends. So many of them complain about how they can't ever afford to be nice or friendly to men because they get hit on.
I'm not saying you're acting inappropriately or being creepy, but from my own experience and from the experiences of many others, I would hold off unless the hint/signal is heck of a lot clearer.
For example, if she had said, "Here is my card. We should hayve a drink some time. Give me a call." THAT would be a pretty obvious hint.
Keep it professional and leave it that. If you should ever run into her again, you can certainly ask her, "Did you find that guy you were looking for the other day?" and see where that leads...
BTW, I would disagree w/ decathecting's characterization of the OP's post as objectification. I think the OP said that he find her attractive and attraction can include certain amount of chemistry or sense of connection as well as physical appearance.
posted by apark at 1:27 PM on April 15, 2010
I'm not saying you're acting inappropriately or being creepy, but from my own experience and from the experiences of many others, I would hold off unless the hint/signal is heck of a lot clearer.
For example, if she had said, "Here is my card. We should hayve a drink some time. Give me a call." THAT would be a pretty obvious hint.
Keep it professional and leave it that. If you should ever run into her again, you can certainly ask her, "Did you find that guy you were looking for the other day?" and see where that leads...
BTW, I would disagree w/ decathecting's characterization of the OP's post as objectification. I think the OP said that he find her attractive and attraction can include certain amount of chemistry or sense of connection as well as physical appearance.
posted by apark at 1:27 PM on April 15, 2010
Response by poster: Well... No response. Some MeFites have been PMing me, urging me strongly to call her immediatly. Today would seem to be the last chance to do that (exactly a week since talking to her). But given the negative response of some above for just emailing her, and that it goes against what I said in my email, I think I'll pass.
Thanks to everyone for the advice, thoughts, and even the criticism.
My last reflection, for anyone reading this question for posterity, is that *IF* you are going to make the jump, make it earlier. I wish now I had called her 1-2 days after receiving the card, instead of waiting 4-5 days to send an email.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 3:37 PM on April 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Thanks to everyone for the advice, thoughts, and even the criticism.
My last reflection, for anyone reading this question for posterity, is that *IF* you are going to make the jump, make it earlier. I wish now I had called her 1-2 days after receiving the card, instead of waiting 4-5 days to send an email.
posted by DetonatedManiac at 3:37 PM on April 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
you're right, don't wait.
but, maybe your email got spammed? it happens all the time. just sayin.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 9:02 PM on April 23, 2010
but, maybe your email got spammed? it happens all the time. just sayin.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 9:02 PM on April 23, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:00 AM on April 14, 2010