Getting ready to elope from my elopement

April 2, 2010 9:11 AM

Wedding/honeymoon priorities: do we spend money on great photos? Lush hotel? More days? Or what?

Soon-to-be Mr. Blazingunicorn and I have a *small* budget for our upcoming Hawaii elopement/nuptials. We decided to spend a good chunk of money on an kick-ass location for the vow exchange, understanding that we'd have to cut back a bit on the honeymoon.

But does a great location also demand great, if pricey, photos, to commemorate it? It seems like it'd be a loss not to have great photos--but an even bigger loss to cut back on the honeymoon. Should we not blow it all on the ceremony? (Since now there's talk of a 4-day honeymoon, which bums me out a bit.) And do we pamper ourselves for a few days, or scale back to stretch it out--even though staying at a not-as-nice place might mean we'd have to pay more for activities and the like?

How important are location/photos/posh-ness vs. duration of honeymoon? Stories of 'I did X and it was worth it' very much welcomed, since I am obviously going crazy trying to maximize our fun quadrant.

posted by blazingunicorn to Travel & Transportation (16 answers total)

It definitely depends on how you prioritize these things. If you're the kind of person who believes that it is more important to have a beautiful wedding in your own memory than photographs to prove it to others, that's perfectly fine and valid. Trust in that. Our lives are filled with photographs in this age of digital cameras, and sometimes things don't have to be photographed to be remembered.

However, if you do want beautiful photos of the wedding day, they're worth paying for. The photographer only has one chance to capture these moments, and relying on a less-experienced photographer when you want professional results has the real chance of not ending well. (I speak as someone who often works as a wedding photography assistant.) Do your research and find someone you would like to share your day with, who can provide you with the results that you want.

You can always take a kick-ass trip to celebrate your one-year anniversary, especially since you will be in such an exotic place for your ceremony already. Honeymoons do not have to come right after the ceremony. If your family & friends are flying to Hawaii to celebrate with you, you may enjoy spending time with them after the wedding, leaving the honeymoon for another time down the road. This has the added benefit of allowing you time to pay for the wedding ceremony and trip.

At my wedding, we spent a lot on photography relative to the rest of our budget, and we did not research the photographer well. He was not great. Years later and now divorced, I am not sure if I think I will get married again. If I did, it would probably be another backyard thing with a road trip honeymoon, but I would definitely spring for the best photographer we could afford, because photography is really important to me.
posted by aabbbiee at 9:29 AM on April 2, 2010

We had the world's shittiest photgrapher for our wedding. He was mean on the day, he didn't take enough pictures, he never sat us down and said anything about set-up or who should be in what picture, and he destroyed the negatives after a year - after telling us his standard was to keep them for five years. As a result, I have no photographs of me with my beloved grandfather (who is now deceased) or my best friend, there are very, very few candid shots and absolutely no black and white photos, and the only pictures I have are the proofs and the very few my parents ordered right after the wedding. I regret hiring that man to this day. I see other gorgeous wedding photography and I'm just sad.

We didn't have a honeymoon after our wedding because we couldn't take time off work and grad school. On our tenth anniversary we spent ten days in San Francisco and it was bliss. Getting away from our everyday lives was such a great thing. I don't regret not having a honeymoon.

Those are my experiences, your mileage may vary, etc.
posted by cooker girl at 9:31 AM on April 2, 2010

I'd spend it on the honeymoon itself. Err on the side of treating yourself to more experiences in this lifetime! You'll have photos of everything whether you hire an expensive photographer or not, because everyone will be taking snapshots.

I was fortunate to be able to have both, but that was because we delayed our honeymoon by 10 months. We married in August, took a "weeniemoon" long weekend in a big city near us, then the following June we spent in Europe. I look at photos that we took ourselves on our honeymoon more often than I do the professional photographs of our wedding day. Professional photos may be "nicer" to look at, but all photos achieve the goal of triggering memories in the viewer, regardless of quality.

I would advise hiring a less expensive photographer or opting for a smaller photo package, then splurge the cost savings on the honeymoon. Hands down.
posted by wwartorff at 9:34 AM on April 2, 2010

I thought photos were going to be very important to me, but honestly? I have a few framed on the wall in my house, we haven't even looked at our album since we put it together, and I doubt any possible future children are going to care all THAT much. You want a few nice photos, sure, but I would not go insanely crazy spending oodles on photos if I could go back in time (I am sure many disagree with me on this issue, though).

The honeymoon, however -- I am so glad that we planned it the way we did. We spent 8 days away, and I really think the length of time was perfect. Since you are eloping, things may be very different, but I found the wedding completely draining and exhausting. We spent the first 2 days of our honeymoon not doing very much (beach, pool, room, fancy restaurants, that's it), and then alternated days between doing fun/crazy activities and having relaxing/chill beach & fancy restaurant days. I feel like the length of time was really important because we really needed to relax after the wedding -- but we had had a local wedding with lots of family members, many of whom were not on their best behavior. (In retrospect, I also wish we had eloped.)

So, that is my "I did X and it was worth it" story, but honestly, were I in your shoes, I might be willing to sacrifice a few days of my honeymoon to get the nicer photographer/photo package since I'd be avoiding a lot of the family stress, and the wedding itself is part of the honeymoon.

I really think the most important thing to remember is that, while, yes, it IS your "big day", it is not your ONLY chance to have a romantic vacation or photo opportunities or whatever. I know plenty of people who had to take a short honeymoon or no honeymoon and made it up for their first anniversary with a more indulgent trip. I know people who hated their wedding photos, and then found opportunities to get better photos of them as a couple taken, such as when they were expecting their first child, or on an anniversary vacation, or just to let a family member practice their photography skillz. Whatever happens, don't let yourself worry too much about regret -- all that really matters is that you & Mr. Blazingunicorn are starting a brand new and fun-filled chapter of your life together, and the best part of being an adult is that you don't NEED to make excuses to do things like take trips or take pretty photos together.

Congratulations & good luck!
posted by tastybrains at 9:35 AM on April 2, 2010

Priorities for my similar elopement went this way: hotel stay, entertainment (dinners, drinks), actual wedding, photos. Wife kinda wishes we had better pictures (the whole ceremony was sort of a blur), but otherwise, we're happy with our choices. We didn't really spend much time doing "stuff," just a lot of time enjoying each others' company, so hotel expense was very much worth it. My advice is to go for the experiences over the heirlooms. Congratulations, and best of luck!
posted by Gilbert at 9:37 AM on April 2, 2010

Congrats!

A couple questions back you were wondering about whether you should spend very little on the wedding, and have a months-long honeymoon. Now you're talking 4 days for your honeymoon! I think you should at least find a happy medium. I do think (never having been married) that the photos are worth spending money on, especially if you're getting married somewhere gorgeous like your venue that deserves gorgeous photos, or you're not inviting many people so you may want to at least let them see your photos. So I would put the time in to trying to find a great + reasonably priced photographer, and otherwise put the bulk of the rest of your money into your honeymoon.

Great + affordable - can you scour craigslist? Find an aspiring wedding photographer you like and give them business? Find someone who would be willing to come to Hawaii in exchange for taking your photos? Do you wedding on a day that isn't a typical wedding day (thereby saving some $). Get a very abbreviated wedding photo package - i.e. only have the professional photographer do 1-2 hours, and have a friend do the rest? Hawaii has such natural beauty - are you hell bent on paying a lot for a wedding ceremony venue? Can you elect not to pay for prints just yet - save up for them after the wedding? My photographer is not terribly established yet but I live his work - I'm taking a risk, but I'm hopeful. This is saving me a few thousand dollars. (And I bargained. And I'm not getting photos yet.)

Have you chosen your honeymoon location yet? If not, if you can scrounge up miles, you could go somewhere that is both awesome + cheap (i.e. Laos, Thailand) and have the time of your life for not too much money. You could also register for your honeymoon, i.e. at someplace like honeyfund. Really fun registering for a traveller. You just get a check in the mail or via paypal - you can put it toward miles or hotels, or whatever your heart desires (including a photographer, frankly - no one will know).
posted by n'muakolo at 9:38 AM on April 2, 2010

Personally, I wouldn't spend huge amounts on the photos. I mean, we have a few framed wedding photos dotted around and they're very nice and everything, but essentially we looked at the whole lot a few times and then put them away. And besides, five years down the line, they're being edged out by pics of cute and photogenic daughter. You're always hearing about research that suggests it makes people happier to spend money on experiences, rather than stuff. I'd go along with that here.

As for the honeymoon, bit, I dunno. Over a period of three weeks, I stayed in a swanky hotel in Bali, a rain swept tent 3000m up a freezing volcano on Lombok and a $5 a night mildewy dump in Flores (all in Indonesia). This was worth it as it was en route to see Komodo dragons which really were worth the privations.

Everything was memorable but the volcano climbing wasn't exactly romantic. I think I realised this when there were four of us huddled round a fire in a (long disused) portaloo in the freezing rain at 2500 and my wife said "This is not what I had in mind". We headed back to the land 'o' luxury the next day.

In retrospect, I might have skipped an extreme activity or two. But then again, we did have three weeks. I think the key is to get a mix especially if, like me, high end accommodation is a bit wasted on you.
posted by rhymer at 9:45 AM on April 2, 2010

Like cooker girl, I have a wedding photography horror story. Our photographer dropped her laptop before backing up our photos and lost everything. Hiring her was my biggest regret, hands-down. We have no family photos from the wedding and very few of the two of us together. We can laugh about it now, but at the time it was devastating. (So if you do get a photographer, make sure to ask about their backup policies.)

And while you think you'll be fine with guest snapshots or your Uncle Larry's amateur photos of you saying your vows, the pictures won't be what you hoped. Lighting will be too dark, your eyes will be closed and you will inevitably not get shots of all the people you want. And you may not ever look at that album of 200 photos, but for the few framed photos of your family all together or you and your spouse looking amazing, it will be worth it. And I love looking at my parents' wedding album. We have framed photos from both our parents' wedding day hanging in our house. It's tough to predict how important those photos will be to your family in 20 years.

Granted, I had a lengthy, somewhat luxurious honeymoon in Belize, so I'm fixated on what I didn't have. While a honeymoon is special in its own way, you will have posh vacations down the road. Unless you have a number of other family weddings or gatherings coming up, you likely won't ever get this many members of your family together in one place again.
posted by awegz at 9:52 AM on April 2, 2010

Ah, just noticed the bit that this is more of an elopement than a big family affair. Friday reading fail.

My advice still stands that you'll want a photographer of some sort, but a cheaper photographer or small photo package should suffice. No need to blow big bucks on an hour's worth of shots.
posted by awegz at 9:57 AM on April 2, 2010

My husband and I did an elopement/destination wedding with just the two of us and two friends. I wanted a good photographer, though. And we didn't do much of a honeymoon thing, though the wedding was over a weekend in a really lovely bed and breakfast.

The photographer, for me, was worth it. We didn't get a lot of pictures, either, by wedding standards. But we got enough. We have a couple on the wall, a nice little wedding album, and some more pictures to be framed later. We also gave a bunch to parents and other relatives. When we sent Christmas cards two months after our wedding, I included a wallet size wedding picture to everyone. *shrug*

It comes down to personal preference, but I know for me I would deeply have regretted not getting the good photographer, and since we only used him for a couple of hours, it wasn't terrible expensive --- I think we paid him about $300 (travel compensation included in that) and for the pictures later on, which were about $200. . AND we got a CD of all the pictures, so we can print our own any time we want. Not bad, all told.

Point is, if you want good photos, you can likely find a photographer who'll negotiate a price with you if you're not doing the entire big wedding deal.
posted by zizzle at 10:12 AM on April 2, 2010

We did the elope to Hawaii thing about 18 years ago.. Have you talked to anybody at the Temple? If they do a lot of weddings they probably have recommended photographers, etc. and they might be able to get you a deal. We got married at Waimea Falls Park and they did everything, arranged for the photographer and videographer, told me where to rent the tux, arranged for witnesses, etc. All we had to do was show up, and they arranged for the limo too.

FWIW, we stayed at an Outrigger hotel on the beach. Outrigger is a mid-level hotel at best, probably similar to a Marriott back here on the mainland. It was fine. You are in HI, you won't be spending much time in the room, and when you are in the room, you probably won't be that concerned about the luxuriousness of the side chair that you aren't using. So I would go with stretch out the time you are there if you can.
posted by COD at 10:56 AM on April 2, 2010

I'd say cheaper photographer and more honeymoon.

What will help with the photography is if you can get a friend (e.g. best man) to swear upon pain of death that they will organize people for the photo shoot. That is, think ahead of time of who will be in what shot, prevent them from wandering off, keep them all in one place, maybe even have a list of all the permutations involved (groom's family, bride's family, etc.). Make sure they promise to at the very least round up all immediate family for at least one shot all together, maybe in front of guests (which means that you will get multiple copies). They may need to orchestrate those in the photo to all be looking ahead/smiling at the same time.

I think the big family group shot is the best but it can be very hard to organize, even with a photographer.
posted by carter at 12:08 PM on April 2, 2010

Response by poster: Thanks for all of the juicy and helpful info! Just to clarify, there will only be two guests, so obviously not a lot of snapshots, and no big family shots. And, n'muakolo, about this:
A couple questions back you were wondering about whether you should spend very little on the wedding, and have a months-long honeymoon. Now you're talking 4 days for your honeymoon!
That was just a number--plus it was before I found out that the soon-to-be Mr. BU's fiancé visa means he can't leave the country for at least 9 months! So we are Hawaii-bound.
posted by blazingunicorn at 1:53 PM on April 2, 2010

Since it's such a small wedding, you probably won't need as much of a photographer's time - so hire someone good who will stay for a short time and get the most important shots.

Hawaii is such an amazing place, I'd opt for staying longer and at cheaper places. Honestly, you're in Hawaii, you'll be out the door and exploring, not staying in your room (even if you are a newlywed). Unless you are sort of high maintenance, may just splurge for the first night and then look for a mid-priced hotel. For example, the Aqua Waikiki Beachside is steps from the beach in Honolulu and under $200, a steal compared to the $400+ neighboring hotels.

You also don't need to pay for activities, there are plenty of things to do that are low-cost or free. I'd go for a luau but skip guided tours and boat tours/whale watches...
posted by beyond_pink at 8:31 PM on April 2, 2010

We went super-cheap on our honeymoon, and we've regretted it since. We encourage every about-to-be-married couple we talk to to go with an all-inclusive, resort-y style package.

On the flip side, we didn't assume any debt with our wedding / honeymoon. If it were a choice between the two, I'd probably go "cheap" over "taking on debt."

Have fun!
posted by Alt F4 at 12:41 PM on April 9, 2010

Oh, see, this is why I should probably read the entire post and then re-read it again and then again, just to make sure I understand! I didn't get the part where it's a very small affair.

So. That changes things. Don't take on debt but do take the best honeymoon you can afford. A travel agent may help you make the most of your money here. Get a photographer but don't go crazy with the photos. Do, however, make sure you sit down with your beloved to figure out what kinds of photos you both really want. For example, do you want one of him carrying you into the surf? One of your newly be-ringed hands covering your bouquet? Stuff like that.

And if you have a big family reception when you get back (or when the Mr. is allowed in the country), definitely hire a photographer for that, or ask a very trusted friend who also happens to be a good photographer to take over the duties for the night.
posted by cooker girl at 5:57 PM on April 9, 2010