Six year broken relationship: Fix it or move on?
March 28, 2010 10:29 AM Subscribe
Two months after ending a six-year relationship, I miss my ex and am contemplating getting back in touch. Move on or try again?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
OK, the long and short of this is, we went out for six years. Four of them were very happy. Best friends, never fought, never argued, just enjoyed a happy life together in a little house with lots of friends.
But in the last two, somehow the love just died. Truth be told, I emotionally checked-out, she distanced. We both buried ourselves in our work and by the start of this year we realised we had drifted dangerously. No one cheated, it's just as though the relationship ran out of steam, and neither party seemed intent on trying to fix it.
In amongst all this, I figured out that I was not ready to marry her, nor could visualise our wedding day (despite everything, technically, having everything I could ask for). Then I begun to feel as though I had inadvertently led her on and wasted her time (without even realising it) and felt horrifically guilty - at which point I decided to end it and move out.
Most of all, we are both in our mid-30s, she wanted children and I was ambivalent about that too.
We haven't spoken for four months.
Now I feel desperately sad, and wretchedly guilty. And lost. Part of me wants to go back and try and convince her to try again, but equally I'm terrified that we risk ending up back in the same place, or worse, end up wasting more of each others time. I hate myself for the fact that I can't properly reciprocate her love, and have been punishing myself incessantly for that since we broke up - because I admire her, respect her and know she would make a fantastic wife and mother.
So having now recognised that - despite my head arguing otherwise - my heart might not have been as truly in this relationship as I thought, is it best to let it go? Or should I try - once last time - to feel something deeper and convince her to try again???