Handling High Stress Work Situations With Diplomacy
March 26, 2010 12:30 PM Subscribe
A psychological question about work -- How can I be zen and mature about a work reorganization? (I know this sounds like a boring work question, but it's really about how to get over fears of being left out or that other people are better than me.)
My last job went through a big reorganization. It happened in a bad way. I made it work for me through long negotiations, but a couple people left as a result. I dealt with the lingering impression that backroom deals had been cut (to my detriment), which undermined my trust in a coworker. My decision to take another job a year later was not a direct result, but it was a relief to be free of that history.
Now, at the still-new job, which is an even smaller group, we're about to merge with another group, and the reorganization talks are about to start happening. (Oh no, not again!) I look at every draft organizational chart with hope and trepidation. My two fears are: (1) What if peers from the other group are put in "higher" than me, which would mean that management thinks they are "better" than me? (2) I really don't want to be left out. I like to be a part of the core decision-making team.
But I'm tired of being stuck in this primal, fear-based, competitive headspace. There must be a way to feel at peace even while they/we consider a range of options. There must be a more selfless, group-oriented, principled way to have this discussion.
The key issue to be resolved now is that there is one guy whose job is currently very similar to mine. Besides not wanting him to become my boss, I'd also prefer that we not become "twins," because that'll probably not be sustainable, and it'll likely kick off a year of awkwardness before that inevitably shifts into another arrangement. This is especially tough because that particular function is still kind of new to me as part of taking this job, though I have a bunch of related and complementary experience that I'm bringing to it. He's newer to the field in general. So, my plan is to suggest that he become the main guy doing what we both do now (because though I am fine at it, he is awesome). Then, I could become the liason between that function and some other activities that I also do (and am good at) but he does not do. I think that'd work for everyone. I'd still stay connected to the job I'm doing now, which I'd like to continue learning if possible, but rather than be "the ___ guy," doing all __ all the time, I'd also be included in other aspects of the organization. I'm not sure if there are any ways this could backfire, but I'm hopeful.
We are about to start group discussions about it, because both organizations are really small. So this will be discussed publicly, and I feel like I have to stay very mature, professional, and diplomatic. This could get tough if the brainstorming includes ideas that make my fears get stronger (which is likely to happen). So, two questions:
- how do I (today!) shake off this fear and re-orient myself mentally, so that I can stay internally calm and focused on what will work for the group?
- given that I'm only going to be partially successful at that, are there any good fallback tricks you can suggest? key phrases I can use?
Also, if you have any suggestions about how to defuse these triggers internally over the longer term, so that next year's reorganization is totally stress-free, let me know.
My last job went through a big reorganization. It happened in a bad way. I made it work for me through long negotiations, but a couple people left as a result. I dealt with the lingering impression that backroom deals had been cut (to my detriment), which undermined my trust in a coworker. My decision to take another job a year later was not a direct result, but it was a relief to be free of that history.
Now, at the still-new job, which is an even smaller group, we're about to merge with another group, and the reorganization talks are about to start happening. (Oh no, not again!) I look at every draft organizational chart with hope and trepidation. My two fears are: (1) What if peers from the other group are put in "higher" than me, which would mean that management thinks they are "better" than me? (2) I really don't want to be left out. I like to be a part of the core decision-making team.
But I'm tired of being stuck in this primal, fear-based, competitive headspace. There must be a way to feel at peace even while they/we consider a range of options. There must be a more selfless, group-oriented, principled way to have this discussion.
The key issue to be resolved now is that there is one guy whose job is currently very similar to mine. Besides not wanting him to become my boss, I'd also prefer that we not become "twins," because that'll probably not be sustainable, and it'll likely kick off a year of awkwardness before that inevitably shifts into another arrangement. This is especially tough because that particular function is still kind of new to me as part of taking this job, though I have a bunch of related and complementary experience that I'm bringing to it. He's newer to the field in general. So, my plan is to suggest that he become the main guy doing what we both do now (because though I am fine at it, he is awesome). Then, I could become the liason between that function and some other activities that I also do (and am good at) but he does not do. I think that'd work for everyone. I'd still stay connected to the job I'm doing now, which I'd like to continue learning if possible, but rather than be "the ___ guy," doing all __ all the time, I'd also be included in other aspects of the organization. I'm not sure if there are any ways this could backfire, but I'm hopeful.
We are about to start group discussions about it, because both organizations are really small. So this will be discussed publicly, and I feel like I have to stay very mature, professional, and diplomatic. This could get tough if the brainstorming includes ideas that make my fears get stronger (which is likely to happen). So, two questions:
- how do I (today!) shake off this fear and re-orient myself mentally, so that I can stay internally calm and focused on what will work for the group?
- given that I'm only going to be partially successful at that, are there any good fallback tricks you can suggest? key phrases I can use?
Also, if you have any suggestions about how to defuse these triggers internally over the longer term, so that next year's reorganization is totally stress-free, let me know.
You could look at this as an opportunity to show leadership and take charge of the change rather than "be changed" passively.
Maybe see if you can somehow help with transitioning your workspace through this change so that everyone can feel more comfortable. It's likely that the people who are negotiating backroom deals like in your last reorganization feel threatened and this is their way to cope with change (ie: proactivity that translates as self-interest), while worrying about your place within the system seems to be yours.
Suggesting activities that promote bonding will help coworkers to consider each other as people whom they care about in some regard, rather than as competition and it will make you appear to be mature, professional and diplomatic, as well as someone who is comfortable enough with change to not cower in fear of it.
Reading a bit about change in general might also help you to find your way through this one. Although I have not dealt with this resource in particular, it does contain starting off points for further research and reading that will provide you with key words and concepts to search for. The whole thing is really just personalities at work, and some understanding of change psychology will help you to survive because you'll understand better why people are acting as they do.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:59 PM on March 26, 2010
Maybe see if you can somehow help with transitioning your workspace through this change so that everyone can feel more comfortable. It's likely that the people who are negotiating backroom deals like in your last reorganization feel threatened and this is their way to cope with change (ie: proactivity that translates as self-interest), while worrying about your place within the system seems to be yours.
Suggesting activities that promote bonding will help coworkers to consider each other as people whom they care about in some regard, rather than as competition and it will make you appear to be mature, professional and diplomatic, as well as someone who is comfortable enough with change to not cower in fear of it.
Reading a bit about change in general might also help you to find your way through this one. Although I have not dealt with this resource in particular, it does contain starting off points for further research and reading that will provide you with key words and concepts to search for. The whole thing is really just personalities at work, and some understanding of change psychology will help you to survive because you'll understand better why people are acting as they do.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:59 PM on March 26, 2010
For some reason in my specific department where I work, these kinds of re-orgs happen pretty much every year. In my case my job is pretty much always the same no matter what, but other people have had to change job roles completely or even been laid off so it is stressful for everyone.
My big question is, how does your current manager factor into all of this? Do you have a solid relationship with them so that you know they'll have your back in these discussions? In any case personally I would have a private discussion with your current manager about on what you think your personal strengths are, and about what they envision the new group to look like after the merge. Never go into an important discussion with an outside group (even if that outside group is merging with your group) unless you know you're aligned with management first.
Also, it's really easy to get into the mindset that all change is bad. Remember that it's just as likely that this re-org will actually result in a better group in which you can do more of what you want to do and have more opportunities to advance your career.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:28 PM on March 26, 2010
My big question is, how does your current manager factor into all of this? Do you have a solid relationship with them so that you know they'll have your back in these discussions? In any case personally I would have a private discussion with your current manager about on what you think your personal strengths are, and about what they envision the new group to look like after the merge. Never go into an important discussion with an outside group (even if that outside group is merging with your group) unless you know you're aligned with management first.
Also, it's really easy to get into the mindset that all change is bad. Remember that it's just as likely that this re-org will actually result in a better group in which you can do more of what you want to do and have more opportunities to advance your career.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:28 PM on March 26, 2010
Besides not wanting him to become my boss, I'd also prefer that we not become "twins," because that'll probably not be sustainable, and it'll likely kick off a year of awkwardness before that inevitably shifts into another arrangement.
You're not leaving them much room to satisfy you. You've suggested an alternate position which doesn't actually exist.
Also, if you have any suggestions about how to defuse these triggers internally over the longer term, so that next year's reorganization is totally stress-free, let me know.
A lot of your question seems to hang on things you "think" ("higher" means "better" to management, the "impression" that backroom deals happened) and how they affect, and will affect, your buying into the re-organization.
Part of being mature and calm is resisting the urge to think that every decision involved says something about you, or the work that you do, or the respect you have in the company. Usually, in re-organization, things are more complex than that. Understanding this complexity and doing your best to help alleviate that is sometimes about giving, not taking. In the long run, showing you're a team player if it's best for the company (and not necessarily you) is a good way to endear yourself to current and new bosses.
posted by Hiker at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2010
You're not leaving them much room to satisfy you. You've suggested an alternate position which doesn't actually exist.
Also, if you have any suggestions about how to defuse these triggers internally over the longer term, so that next year's reorganization is totally stress-free, let me know.
A lot of your question seems to hang on things you "think" ("higher" means "better" to management, the "impression" that backroom deals happened) and how they affect, and will affect, your buying into the re-organization.
Part of being mature and calm is resisting the urge to think that every decision involved says something about you, or the work that you do, or the respect you have in the company. Usually, in re-organization, things are more complex than that. Understanding this complexity and doing your best to help alleviate that is sometimes about giving, not taking. In the long run, showing you're a team player if it's best for the company (and not necessarily you) is a good way to endear yourself to current and new bosses.
posted by Hiker at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2010
Watch Office Space a few times and stop taking it so seriously.
posted by Jacqueline at 2:01 PM on March 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacqueline at 2:01 PM on March 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Recommend Pema Chodron and her book Start Where You Are.
I hope you don't intend that being "zen" means having no feelings or supressing bad ones. It really means being aware, accepting, and compassionate toward your feelings and the feelings of others.
posted by cross_impact at 2:43 PM on March 26, 2010
I hope you don't intend that being "zen" means having no feelings or supressing bad ones. It really means being aware, accepting, and compassionate toward your feelings and the feelings of others.
posted by cross_impact at 2:43 PM on March 26, 2010
You feel surprisingly strongly about this.
One sentence in your question in particular makes me wonder whether you are as concerned as you are because of past trauma:
The key issue to be resolved now is that there is one guy whose job is currently very similar to mine. Besides not wanting him to become my boss, I'd also prefer that we not become "twins," because that'll probably not be sustainable, and it'll likely kick off a year of awkwardness before that inevitably shifts into another arrangement
a trauma such as a merging of two step families, perhaps, in which you felt displaced by a step-sibling you thought you were inferior to.
posted by jamjam at 3:29 PM on March 26, 2010
One sentence in your question in particular makes me wonder whether you are as concerned as you are because of past trauma:
The key issue to be resolved now is that there is one guy whose job is currently very similar to mine. Besides not wanting him to become my boss, I'd also prefer that we not become "twins," because that'll probably not be sustainable, and it'll likely kick off a year of awkwardness before that inevitably shifts into another arrangement
a trauma such as a merging of two step families, perhaps, in which you felt displaced by a step-sibling you thought you were inferior to.
posted by jamjam at 3:29 PM on March 26, 2010
Since you mentioned zen, I'll share that I am currently reading Work from the Inside Out: 7 Steps to LOVING What You Do, It's a book about surviving and thriving in the workplace grounded in the principles of Zen Buddhism.
posted by val5a at 3:42 PM on March 26, 2010
posted by val5a at 3:42 PM on March 26, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
What changed for me was that I eventually got a manager that actively instilled a sense of self-worth in me, pointing out those things I do well that others don't do as well. Eventually, though, the real change was that I started worrying only about my own performance and not measuring myself against my peers.
If you understand your strengths, consciously leverage them to make sure you're doing your best work. Don't worry where you are on the org chart; that is beyond your control and influence at this point, since it is based on management biases and your past performance (which, since it is in the past, is beyond your control). The only thing you can control, and therefore the only thing you should worry about, is your current and future performance. Take care of that and you'll find yourself rising up the org charts.
In my case, I ended up back with the company that laid me off the first time. I had a rival there that seemed to do much less work and get much more credit (and I got laid off while he didn't). Eventually I was able to let go of the negative side of that rivalry. He was just trying to do good for himself and did what was asked of him, so he was rewarded. It was as simple as that and had nothing to do with me. When I stopped comparing myself to him, a lot of the negative baggage I was carrying around (and maybe radiating) seemed to go away. Maybe trying to let go of the political side of the office and just doing the best work you can would help you.
posted by Doohickie at 12:48 PM on March 26, 2010