Which way do you wipe and why?

February 8, 2005 3:23 PM

Which way do you wipe and why? [mi]

Probably more for the ladies, but after doing a number 1, do you wipe forwards or backwards?

Any reason why?

And is there anyone who doesn't wipe backwards after a number 2?

posted by quiet to human relations (37 comments total)

I don't- I only just realized a few years ago that that's weird.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:35 PM on February 8, 2005 [1 favorite]

LISTER: [Rimmer's] tidiness drove me crazy, the way he used to eat his food in alphabetical order; the way he only ever used three pieces of toilet paper: one up, one down, and one to polish.

KOCHANSKI: Did he have *any* redeeming features?

LISTER: No. Oh yeah, sometimes he went out of the room.
posted by grouse at 3:36 PM on February 8, 2005

This is a weird question.

I ALWAYS wipe backwards. I sometimes do a preliminary forward wipe out of habit, but I only start from the middle, in front of the perineum.

The reason I do this so any lingering bacteria (from the poo) doesn't spread to my more delicate, more likely to get infected, lady parts. I feel like it would be pretty hard to get infections just from wiping forward when you pee, but things can get spread around. Especially if you're sexually active. Plus I think it's kind of gross.
posted by SoftRain at 3:43 PM on February 8, 2005

When my daughter was born, the pediatrician told me to "always wipe front to back, especially on girls." I thought it was obvious. My husband thought is was a revelation.

Urine is sterile as it leaves the body. The same cannot be said of BM. As girls are prone to infection and have an open system (infections fester quicker, can spread more easily), you don't even want traces moving from back to front.
posted by Gucky at 3:46 PM on February 8, 2005

Side to side.
posted by TimeFactor at 3:46 PM on February 8, 2005

jeez, always back. but then check the back with a sideways.
Seems good sense. Why get that onto (or into) your fronters? And a wetwipe back if necessary (you asked).
posted by nj_subgenius at 3:48 PM on February 8, 2005

excuse me what's "backwards"? shouldn't that be "upwards" or "downwards"?
posted by matteo at 4:07 PM on February 8, 2005

I probably do 50/50 by the way, but the why in the world do you ask?
posted by matteo at 4:08 PM on February 8, 2005

front to back, here.

Do you poo while standing up, matteo?
posted by trharlan at 4:22 PM on February 8, 2005

Left hand or right hand?
posted by fixedgear at 4:33 PM on February 8, 2005

Paper crumpled, or folded?
posted by Space Kitty at 4:36 PM on February 8, 2005

no, usually sitting, with my back straight. do you lie down instead trharlan?
posted by matteo at 4:37 PM on February 8, 2005

am I the only one who uses a bidet?
posted by pmbuko at 4:45 PM on February 8, 2005

Counter-clockwise.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:05 PM on February 8, 2005

Oh, and it's because I'm right-handed. Lefties would go clockwise.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:07 PM on February 8, 2005

Neither.

After experiencing the technological toilets in Japan, bathrooms in the western world are in the stone-age. With the various jets and sprays (heated of course), wiping is a thing of the past. Toilet paper is really just there to dry off.

And if you think about it, wiping alone is incredibly unsanitary. If you got anything as nasty as poo anywhere else on you body, methinks you'd do more than smear it off.
posted by jsonic at 5:19 PM on February 8, 2005

SubQuestionFilter: who invented the wax-paper single-serve square papers (as found in national parks, both USA and Canada, circa late 70's), and has someone tracked him down and beat him for it?

I mean, really: high-polish sheen toilet paper? Dumb.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:31 PM on February 8, 2005

Front to back, and chase it with a Tucks.

Mmm, witchhazel. Tingly.
posted by enrevanche at 5:57 PM on February 8, 2005

And if you think about it, wiping alone is incredibly unsanitary.

I thought about it, and you still can't come over.
posted by yerfatma at 6:01 PM on February 8, 2005

for women--it should always be front to back. Bacteria from rectum could cause a bacterial vaginal infection. Or, because women have short urethras it could cause a bladder infection.
posted by 6:1 at 6:04 PM on February 8, 2005

After experiencing the technological toilets in Japan, bathrooms in the western world are in the stone-age. With the various jets and sprays (heated of course), wiping is a thing of the past.

Even when it's... you know... the Devil's library paste? After an absurd quantity of coffee? That usually requires half a roll to be devoted to it?

I just have trouble imagining that any water pressure that could dislodge... that... would be comfy or even safe for the ol' meat and two veg.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:27 PM on February 8, 2005

I thought about it, and you still can't come over.

Good one :P

I just have trouble imagining that any water pressure that could dislodge... that... would be comfy or even safe for the ol' meat and two veg.

It's low pressure, warm water from different angles that is surprisingly accurate.
posted by jsonic at 6:56 PM on February 8, 2005

Toilet paper is so 20th century.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:20 PM on February 8, 2005

Concentric circles has always worked for me. The Menehune are said to have done it this way, too. It takes a while longer, but the end result (excuse the pun) is very hygenic.
posted by mds35 at 7:25 PM on February 8, 2005

Along the lines of what ROU_Xenophobe said, bidet users, how do you know when you're done? I've always wondered about that!
posted by kimota at 7:49 PM on February 8, 2005

Away from the coochie. Pee forwards, poop back.
posted by redfoxtail at 7:50 PM on February 8, 2005

This is the funniest AskMe thread ever.
posted by 40 Watt at 8:37 PM on February 8, 2005

Oh, and front to back, sitting down, crumpled.
posted by 40 Watt at 8:38 PM on February 8, 2005

Afterwards I wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer's lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.

From Gargantua, by Francois Rabelais

FFF: If you track that dude down, drop me a line and I'll help!
posted by Goofyy at 12:42 AM on February 9, 2005

> Toilet paper is so 20th century.
I agree, fff, but I still haven't figured out the three shells.

I wipe front to back (i.e. upwards). Until about two or three years ago I did it in the other direction and for some reason just switched one day. I also hang the toilet paper overhand. A good one-handed tug will tear it, and that wouldn't work if it was hung underhand.
posted by Plutor at 5:13 AM on February 9, 2005

Counterclockwise in the Northern Hemisphere, clockwise in the Southern. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
posted by scratch at 6:52 AM on February 9, 2005

I still haven't figured out the three shells.

ahhh haha.

So, can I piggyback? What's a good bidet then, preferably portable (In case of a move).
posted by freudianslipper at 8:42 AM on February 9, 2005

Now they know how many holes
It takes to fill the Albert Hall
I'd love to turn...you...on...

Down, up, down, up, then I take a shower asap. ;-P
posted by mischief at 8:56 AM on February 9, 2005

matteo - up and down is only if you're laying down. ;)

I was at a photographer's house posing for pictures so he could practice on his borrowed 8x10 polaroid. At some point, fortunately unrelated to the picture taking, I had to use the bathroom, only to discover the house contained not a single sheet of toilet paper. I inquired, and he said that he only has and only uses baby wipes, because they feel better and get you cleaner. Now that was a revelation. (It's true. They do feel better and they do get you cleaner.)

Also, there was a thread on here a couple of months ago that just took me entirely too long to find via Search Metafilter. One of the comments is particularly relevant to this discussion:

KnowledgeFilter: What are the things in life that everyone should know? More inside.

Wipe front to back.

Fold, don't wad.
posted by docpops at 8:29 PM PST on December 27
posted by cactus at 11:31 AM on February 9, 2005

Alas, babywipes are hell on the environment: they don't biodegrade worth a damn, and they clog up the sewer plant. Or, at least, that's my understanding.

I should probably do a composting experiment with baby wipes. Maybe they do degrade just fine, and the Internets is lying to me.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:47 AM on February 9, 2005

I do back to front even though I'm female. I think the whole contamination rule is a bit much. It is not an issue if you are careful. I don't wipe all the way from back to front, just enough to get the stuff. And I never have infections.

I know I've done this at least since my back surgery over 10 years ago. I couldn't arch my back and could barely reach down there to begin with. And going front to back is the easiest way to reach.

I don't understand how you can go front to back and not miss anything. So to each their own.

fff - that would be an interesting experiment!
posted by evening at 12:19 PM on February 9, 2005

fff: please also do a comparison with one of the brands of "adult" wipes.

Always use right hand, front to back, fold, left to right, dispose, get a second sheet, right to left, fold, front to back, dispose, close lid, flush, sanitize hands, take a shower, soap, rinse, lotion, rinse, dry and repeat if needed.

Of course, when I was a teenager it was: Use entire roll, flush and run.
posted by ?! at 4:12 PM on February 9, 2005