How can I learn to be more dominant in bed?
March 20, 2010 1:00 PM Subscribe
How can I learn to be more dominant in bed? (NSFW)
posted by anonymous to human relations (18 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Mid-20's male here, in a long-term relationship with a mid-20s female. We've been dating for a year, and while I find our sex life satisfying, I constantly worry that she doesn't. She's unable to orgasm when she's not by herself, and she's uncomfortable talking in a specific way about sex - what turns her on, her fantasies, etc, and she's made it clear to me that she's been this way in all of her past relationships. Recently, however, I stumbled upon some things on our computer (actually accidentally - not in a "I was innocuously reading her email" kind of way) that have revealed that her fantasies have a pretty significant submissive bent, and that she would probably prefer me to much more dominant/rough in bed. This makes me slightly uncomfortable, especially because some of her early sexual experiences were nonconsensual - though I know it's ridiculous, and that such fantasies are normal and perfectly healthy, I worry that the two are related, or that I'd be feeding into something that really is unhealthy.
It's not that I feel generally uncomfortable being sexually dominant - but most of my past relationships were with women FAR more sexually aggressive than myself, and I felt comfortable being aggressive/dominant because they were able to tell me what they wanted. In this case, because she doesn't feel comfortable frankly discussing these things, I get nervous at the prospect - the feminist in me feels douchebaggy trying something new/rough because she hasn't made it explicitly clear that it's alright.
How can I get over these hangups? Is there some kind of "how to be dominant in bed" manual out there?