Seeking advice on suggesting casual sex to a friendly ex
March 14, 2010 8:45 PM Subscribe
Question on the practice of and etiquette involved in a "booty call."
posted by anonymous to human relations (12 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Hi AskMe. I was hoping for the hivemind's advice on how to approach a kind of sexual relationship that I've never tried before. Basically, I've arrived at a point in my life where I'm considering doing the whole casual hookup thing for the first time ever.
Here's the situation I'm working with: the last woman I was seeing seriously and I split up about a year ago. It was an amicable break owing more to the basic incompatibility of where we were both at in our lives more than any lack of affection or care for each other. We had our difficulties, of course, but it was no hard feelings, let's stay friends, please do take care of yourself, you know? And we have. We've not hung out a bunch since we split up, but we've kept in touch and gotten together for quick visits here and again. The other day we had a really excellent conversation in which we unpacked and finally addressed a bunch of the snarls of our relationship and break-up. It felt really good to have the air cleared the rest of the way. She's doing really well these days and I'm really glad to know that.
While the reasons our committed, monogamous relationship did not work out remain as valid as they were a year ago, it must be said that we're still attracted to each other and sexuality was never among our incompatibilities. And here's the thing: my luck at dating since she and I split has been ... not great. It's been over a year since there's been any intimacy in my life and, honestly, I'm losing my goddamn mind. I've been a serial monogamist up until now and never really done the casual sex thing before. But this dry spell has got to end and I can't help but wonder if maybe this friendly ex of mine might be in to helping me out with that. Far as I know, she hasn't been seeing much of anyone since we split up either.
I've never broached such a subject before, AskMe. Have you? Neither of us seems to have any interest in restarting our romance, but this extended period of celibacy is really messing me up. Would any of you be so good to share your experience or advice regarding casual sex with fondly remembered exes? I really don't want to just use her or disrespect her or disgust her or anything, and it doesn't seem like it should be so difficult to suggest to her that maybe we do something again that we once had just the greatest time doing, but this is very new social territory for me and I could really use some guidance. What do you think? How have you handled similar situations? How should I proceed?
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