March 10, 2010 8:01 AM Subscribe
I've been in only one relationship. It lasted three years, and it was fabulous in many ways. Now that it's over, I'm not sure how I can ever have that again.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I know there's no 'the one,' and that there MUST be many men out there who could make me happy.
The problem is, when I left my ex six months ago we had been happy and comfortable and had built up a rapport over the course of many years, full of little in-jokes and shared experiences and all kinds of nice little things. At any given moment there was a whole well of stories and memories to draw on. The space between us was full of things like this, I guess you could say.
We broke up due to differing on big-picture, long-term type stuff. So even though the day-to-day was great, the future just wasn't there. But in my darkest moments now I wonder if it was worth breaking up after all, because...
I can't imagine how someone I just met could ever compare to that. How am I supposed to invest myself in a stranger when the last person I was with, was my best friend? I don't know how I got to that point, from stranger to best friend, with my ex. And I can't even imagine it happening again.
I know that this is coming up for me now since I've begun dating again. I've never 'dated' like this before, I just met the very few people I've been on dates with at parties before.
I went on three or four dates. Every guy, even the ones I thought were ok, I just could not muster up any enthusiasm for them at all. I feel like I'm slogging through this process. I guess I'm supposed to just keep going until I find someone I like more than those guys... but there was nothing WRONG with them!
I met them online due to my college being a terrible place to meet guys. I thought that would be perfect because I could see how compatible we were. On paper I should have gone nuts over all of them. But I just didn't care. I was excited to meet them, I met them and I just didn't feel a thing.
I don't think I've ever felt 'a spark' when meeting someone, not even the ex. So how am I supposed to know if I'm dismissing someone for good reasons, or if I'm just holding these guys up to a standard that they could never meet?