Should a (probable) asexual still date?
March 6, 2010 11:19 PM Subscribe
I am asexual (I think) but I still get strong feelings for people. Should I still pursue relationships?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a 23-year-old female, and in the past few years I've decided that I'm most likely asexual. I get attracted to people (almost always men, but there have been a couple women) and have romantic feelings for them on the basis on both personality and aesthetics, but I never actually want to have sex with them.
I don't really have a libido, and I don't enjoy porn, erotica, or my hand. I've kissed/made out with several people, and found it sometimes enjoyable, sometimes boring, but never felt anything in the realm of I WANT TO SCREW THIS PERSON NOW. I've had one real boyfriend, and we got to foreplay but not actual intercourse, and while my body responded properly, I was bored and disinterested. From everything I've read about asexuality, I fit the bill.
Whenever I find myself interested in someone, I'm caught in a dilemma as to whether or not to actually pursue a relationship. I usually end up flirting with them because I like them and then panickedly acting cold and distant when I can tell that they're into me, too. I have an acquaintance that I really like right now who seems to be into me as well, and I don't want to repeat the same cycle but I have no idea how I should act around him.
I'd be willing to have sex with an S/O, but from everything I've read from sexual people, being willing is just not enough. And I can't possibly see myself indulging a partner's kinks or even doing something like anal - I imagine that the 'ick factor' of such things are mitigated by sexual attraction, and since I have none, it just seems gross to me. And even things I'd be willing to do like intercourse and oral I have no experience with, so I can't see anyone actually wanting to sleep with me. I mean, a 23-year-old virgin is bad enough, I'd imagine, let alone a 23-year-old sexually apathetic virgin.
What the hell do I do? Should I just resign myself to singledom and not flirt with people I like? Or should I give a relationship - like with my current acquaintance crush - a shot and try having sex? How do I tell someone I'm dating about my great sexual apathy?
Thanks in advance. Throwaway email is confusedasexualgirl [at] disposeamail.com