Who ACTUALLY uses dental dams?

March 5, 2010 5:24 PM

Safer sex question. NSFW.

Okay, dental dams. Anyone . . . actually use them? I mean, I'm a lesbian, and I hear all the time that lesbians "should have safe sex, too," and dental dams are usually prescribed for use during oral sex. I have never used one. No one I know has ever used one when it's come up. I am now in a committed relationship with someone whose sexual history I know, so we don't use them. Um, who uses them? Like, maybe they get a lot of use in rimming? Someone help a lady out here. Not literally.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (17 answers total)

As a bi dude, I've never used one in any situation. None of the lesbians I've known have ever discussed using them, other than in jest.

And I've never actually seen a dental dam* in person, despite being friends with lots of sex educators, tranny outreach folks, and sex professionals. Just in weird pro-fem edutainment pornos rented from TLA in Philly.

*Unless we're counting your standard box of saran wrap as "a dental dam".
posted by Netzapper at 5:39 PM on March 5, 2010

I've never used one, and almost no one I've ever talked about them with has ever used one. I was in college in the early 1990s, and safe sex was a big deal. Dental dams, as well as finger condoms and other goodies, were in baskets in all the dorms, lots of outreach lectures, etc. I can remember being instructed how, in an emergency when no dental dam was available, saran wrap could be substituted -- so there was serious emphasis on this. And you know what? We used the dental dams as jokes, but not for actual, you know, sex. I can remember a few friends trying one out and giggling about how weird it was to use one.

My sense is that most people, most of the time, do a risk/rewards calculation of barriers for intercourse (including swapping insertable toys) and not for oral. The risk of a disease is relatively low, and the unpleasantness is relatively high.
posted by Forktine at 5:46 PM on March 5, 2010

The only people that I know who use them regularly, gay or straight, are folks with genital warts.
posted by jessamyn at 5:52 PM on March 5, 2010

I had always been told to just take an unlubricated condom, cut it (lengthwise) in half and then use that as a dental dam. It was only in the past year or so that I learned of the actual existence of a dental dam as a thing in and of itself, not made from a condom. All of which is to say, no, I've never used one and I don't know anyone who has ever used one, either. I agree with the risk assessment theory noted above.
posted by VioletU at 5:54 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I went through quite a few vanilla scented ones during a latex phase I explored in the 90's. It was more about the fetish of the barrier than safe sex, though...but, yes, we did use them for both rimming and oral.
posted by squasha at 6:23 PM on March 5, 2010

Echoing jessamyn, and I also know some folks who use them who have genital herpes. Not many, I will admit.
posted by tristeza at 6:53 PM on March 5, 2010

I don't know that there's ever even been a case of HIV transmission recorded via cunnilingus, although last time I checked, there may have been the odd suspected one-- and I believe those involved recipients who had their period. It was my impression back in the day in ACT UP that the out lesbian activists who were positive had been infected via IV drug use or bisexuality and the dental dam thing was almost an act of political correctness in order to have *something* for lesbians, in case that turned out to be a route of transmission.
posted by Maias at 7:04 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's possible people are weighing the risks, and just happen to rank "choking to death on a loose sheet of latex" a worse outcome than "occasional cold sore."

To answer your question, though: Dental surgeons use dental dams all the damn time.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:14 PM on March 5, 2010

I know of at least one very paranoid, very clean person who has used a couple. As well as condoms for oral sex with men.

Whether or not this ended up being a long term habit, I couldn't tell you, but I can't imagine that sucking on latex is all that pleasant..
posted by shownomercy at 7:38 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I know one person who used them in a relationship with someone who had a known, transmittable STD. It wasn't her favorite activity, though.
posted by alms at 7:56 PM on March 5, 2010

I recall an episode of Loveline, where even Dr. Drew was like, "I recommend dental dams, because I have to, but I know no one uses them."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:00 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I have used plastic wrap on occasion but I can't imagine I ever will again. I agree with Maias that there was a certain me-tooism in the dyke scene during the first decade of the HIV crisis, when we legitimately didn't have the data to know with certainty how HIV was getting around.

There are zero confirmed cases of HIV transmission through oral/vaginal contact. Transmitting most other STIs this way is also quite unlikely. Personally at this point I'd prefer to find other activities than use a barrier during oral.
posted by serazin at 10:03 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Queer female. I've used one. Once. My (queer, male) partner is a super-stickler about safe sex, and convinced me to use one while rimming him. I stopped halfway through when, as mentioned above, I inhaled at the wrong time and about killed myself with a piece of latex.

Long-term partnership means that thankfully, we no longer have to use anything, because god did that suck.
posted by MeghanC at 11:13 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

i know folks who use them for rimming. also, yeah, folks with genital warts.
posted by rmd1023 at 2:16 AM on March 6, 2010

I've actually seen one (I think we had, like, two when I was staffing safer-sex booths in college), but I don't know anyone who's used them. I think I had some friends who once used saran wrap (non-microwavable!) just out of curiosity, and they said it was pretty unappealing -- apparently it made one's lady-bits look like they were wrapped up deli-meat-style.
posted by kalimac at 5:09 AM on March 6, 2010

I've seen one only in a safer-sex discussion done by Planned Parenthood at high schools. The general point that follows is that you can cut a condom up one side and use it the same way. Ditto for non-microwaveable plastic wrap.
posted by RedEmma at 9:27 AM on March 6, 2010

I saw one once in high school sex ed - this was AFTER an embarrassing incident in which I had been revealed to be the only person in the class who had even heard of a dental dam (I certainly hadn't ever used one - I think I just read a lot of random things?). I still have never used one or heard of anyone using one, but I guess it was nice that my high school sex ed was so thorough...? (They also taught us the "in a pinch, use saran wrap - but NOT microwaveable saran wrap" trick.)
posted by naoko at 12:24 PM on March 7, 2010