narcissistic personality disorder and parents - how the hell do you deal?
March 4, 2010 10:13 AM Subscribe
Can you direct me to some books, online resources, forums, or other tips to deal with an aging parent who has narcissistic personality disorder?
posted by raztaj to Health & Fitness (3 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My dad is in his late 60s. He very clearly has narcissistic personality disorder. He has never officially been diagnosed, but my three siblings and I - and those of us in the small circle who are prone to his behavior, all agree he fits it to a T (this is way, way beyond a pride and ego thing for him). He would never go to a therapist or even regular doctor because in his opinion, they should be coming to him for advice. - so this is out of the question.
He has always been judgmental, angry, manipulative, critical, mean, selfish, and concerned only with himself and how other people treat him. He does seem to possess a moderate amount of empathy for total strangers or people he reads about, but possess little to none when it comes to actual people in his life.
My siblings and I have always had a very hard time reasoning with him, and we are all in agreement that we are frustrated beyond belief, in trying to work with him as he faces new challenges in getting older. We've sacrificed a lot of time and energy - and we are often exhausted.
We worry about his driving, his ability to take care of himself (he is living in the same house alone, that once housed 6 + pets). We worry about his sanity, and possibly spiraling down a lonely self-destructive path. He has pushed everyone in his life away from him, and my siblings and I have often been on the brink of completely shutting him out. But we support each other, we vent to each other, and despite our differences, are total allies when it comes to dealing with our dad.
He is getting to a point where possessing the ability to take care of himself with day-to-day things is challenging. He has the financial ability to re-locate to a more suitable house, but will not. Having him move in with one of us would be horrible - he is toxic not just to us, but to my siblings' spouses. He is envious of their spouses and in-laws, and isn't afraid to tell us what horrible and selfish people we are because we have other people and commitments in our lives. He can also be extremely manipulative; we are the only people in his life still in regular contact with him, as he has pushed away all other friends and family. We know that deep down my dad does have a loving and caring side, and that he is mentally ill. But from what I understand about NPD, it's virtually impossible to change, especially as they get older.
We worry about just letting him spiral further into self destruction, but feel helpless as he gets older. We honestly don't know what to do, and it's only recently that we've looked into NPD and discovered that this disorder is exactly him. What kinds of tools and resources are there for dealing with things like this? Other stories, suggestions, or books in dealing with a parent with narcissistic personality disorder?