If a customer service professional is wearing a nametag, should I use thier name?
February 24, 2010 12:14 PM Subscribe
Is it polite and respectful to use a service person's name if thier job requires the use of a name tag?
If the convience store clerk (movie ticket taker/book seller/office receptionist) is wearing a name tag, is it appropriate to use the person's name when thanking them at the end of the transaction or encounter?
To clarify where I'm coming from: I think it's creepy. When I worked retail, I really disliked it when customers I didn't know, especially men, used my name. My boyfriend regularly does this and I pointed out to him that I found it creepy when I had to wear a nametag. He believes that it's respectful and recognizes the individual as a person and not just a service drone.
What's the Mefite opinion of this practice? Do you do this? If you've had a customer service position that required the use of a nametag, how did you feel when people used your name? If you're a woman, and a male customer did this, did it bother you?
If the convience store clerk (movie ticket taker/book seller/office receptionist) is wearing a name tag, is it appropriate to use the person's name when thanking them at the end of the transaction or encounter?
To clarify where I'm coming from: I think it's creepy. When I worked retail, I really disliked it when customers I didn't know, especially men, used my name. My boyfriend regularly does this and I pointed out to him that I found it creepy when I had to wear a nametag. He believes that it's respectful and recognizes the individual as a person and not just a service drone.
What's the Mefite opinion of this practice? Do you do this? If you've had a customer service position that required the use of a nametag, how did you feel when people used your name? If you're a woman, and a male customer did this, did it bother you?
I agree with you; creepy. Because far too many customers use it as a threat; "I see, JENNY, well if you won't give me everything for free, JENNY, I'll have to call your manager and say "JENNY was VERY RUDE to me!"
posted by The otter lady at 12:17 PM on February 24, 2010 [12 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 12:17 PM on February 24, 2010 [12 favorites]
I also think it's disconcerting. IMO the name tag is so that when the customer complains about an employee, they can say who it is. As a person who has warn nametags before, I hate it when people read them to me.
posted by rebent at 12:18 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by rebent at 12:18 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Although when we had a computer system that recognized customers by name, or if they paid with credit card, I took some small vengeance in responding back with "Thank YOU, Firstname!" if they called me by my nametag.
posted by The otter lady at 12:18 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The otter lady at 12:18 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I always viewed this as vaguely condescending, but I've done it myself on occasion. Mostly over the phone, actually, now that I think about it.
If someone answers the phone with "So-and-so Marketing, this is Dave" I will sometimes respond with "Hey Dave, could you tell me..."
This seems normal to me. But in person? Not so much.
posted by nitsuj at 12:19 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
If someone answers the phone with "So-and-so Marketing, this is Dave" I will sometimes respond with "Hey Dave, could you tell me..."
This seems normal to me. But in person? Not so much.
posted by nitsuj at 12:19 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
As a Brit who spends a lot of time in the USA, I notice that this seems relatively common there. In the UK, it's virtually unheard of.
I always found it creepy.
posted by Mwongozi at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010
I always found it creepy.
posted by Mwongozi at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010
I always felt kind of weird when people used my nametag name. Especially because you have to stare at someone's chest in order to read the nametag. So I would get all these men looking at my boobs and then being all "Thank you, kataclysm!" It really creeped me out.
Obviously it's nice to respect individuals as people, but you don't need to use people's first names to convey warmth, friendliness, and respect. Just looking people in the eye instead of in the nametag helps.
The nametag is also awkward because you and your cashier usually don't know each other! If you were waiting at the bus stop with a perfect stranger, you might be friendly and respectful, and make small talk, but you wouldn't need to ask for or use each other's names. It's kind of weird and puts you at a disadvantage when someone knows your name and you don't know theirs -- it's like when someone greets you in the street using your name and you have forgotten theirs.
I also don't like it when cashiers use MY name that they read off my credit card, for precisely this reason. Cashiers and customers don't need to know or use each other's names, unless they already know each other, because they don't know each other and it's weird to pretend that they do.
posted by kataclysm at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [5 favorites]
Obviously it's nice to respect individuals as people, but you don't need to use people's first names to convey warmth, friendliness, and respect. Just looking people in the eye instead of in the nametag helps.
The nametag is also awkward because you and your cashier usually don't know each other! If you were waiting at the bus stop with a perfect stranger, you might be friendly and respectful, and make small talk, but you wouldn't need to ask for or use each other's names. It's kind of weird and puts you at a disadvantage when someone knows your name and you don't know theirs -- it's like when someone greets you in the street using your name and you have forgotten theirs.
I also don't like it when cashiers use MY name that they read off my credit card, for precisely this reason. Cashiers and customers don't need to know or use each other's names, unless they already know each other, because they don't know each other and it's weird to pretend that they do.
posted by kataclysm at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [5 favorites]
It's a little salesmanly, IMHO.
posted by fixedgear at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by fixedgear at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
I think it's somewhere between creepy and rude to call someone by their name without a proper introduction. When I'm addressing workers at stores or restaurants, I just use "sir" and "ma'am", just as I would with a stranger.
posted by reductiondesign at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by reductiondesign at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Creepy. It feels really condescending to me, like the customer is treating the employee like one of "the help." It's worse when it's a man using a woman's name because it feels like he's hitting on her, and she can't really do anything about it.
posted by EarBucket at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by EarBucket at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
In my experience, it usually meant they were trying to get something for nothing.
"Well,, Joe, I know what store policy is, but can't you just do me a little favor for a buddy, Joe?".
Either that, or they wanted to bitch.
"This hotdog-that-has-been-under-a-heatlamp-since-yesterday gave me e. coli,, Joe! I'm gonna write a letter to your boss!"
On the other hand, there were a few folks, usually older, who genuinely cared what your name was and were simply being polite.
So, I suppose if your boyfriend comes across as polite and not smarmy or a schmuck, then I'd encourage him to keep it up.
The world needs more politeness.
posted by madajb at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
"Well,
Either that, or they wanted to bitch.
"This hotdog-that-has-been-under-a-heatlamp-since-yesterday gave me e. coli,
On the other hand, there were a few folks, usually older, who genuinely cared what your name was and were simply being polite.
So, I suppose if your boyfriend comes across as polite and not smarmy or a schmuck, then I'd encourage him to keep it up.
The world needs more politeness.
posted by madajb at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
When I worked at a public library I was one of the few staff who wore a nametag with my name on it. Staff had previously objected to wearing personalized nametags and so they wore nametags with their job titles. Once I started wearing a nametag there was basically me with one that said Jessamyn and everyone else with one that said Librarian.
I found that people would use my name sometimes and it was about 50/50 half creep and half polite, or what I interpreted to be creep [people who asked me out, got too in my personal space, monopolized my time, were inappropriate] and polite [used it in a "thank you jessamyn" context, were not overfriendly, seemed to be people who used what I considered high manners generally]. The problem is, it's pretty tough to tell who is using it in what way. Generally I'm pretty low on the formality scale but my feeling was that I chose to wear a nametag [i.e. was not forced to] so I was okay with people knowing and using my name, and okay with handling creeps if it came to that. If I had been forced to wear a nametag, I think I would have defaulted to more of a "hey you don't know me" stance if I thought people were being too overly familiar.
tl;dr it's complicated. I err on the side of not using people's names [unless I know them, or they use my name] because I don't know how it will be interpreted.
posted by jessamyn at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010
I found that people would use my name sometimes and it was about 50/50 half creep and half polite, or what I interpreted to be creep [people who asked me out, got too in my personal space, monopolized my time, were inappropriate] and polite [used it in a "thank you jessamyn" context, were not overfriendly, seemed to be people who used what I considered high manners generally]. The problem is, it's pretty tough to tell who is using it in what way. Generally I'm pretty low on the formality scale but my feeling was that I chose to wear a nametag [i.e. was not forced to] so I was okay with people knowing and using my name, and okay with handling creeps if it came to that. If I had been forced to wear a nametag, I think I would have defaulted to more of a "hey you don't know me" stance if I thought people were being too overly familiar.
tl;dr it's complicated. I err on the side of not using people's names [unless I know them, or they use my name] because I don't know how it will be interpreted.
posted by jessamyn at 12:22 PM on February 24, 2010
The rule of thumb is that if someone tells you their name then you can use their name in the course of the conversation. If they don't, then don't.
posted by ged at 12:23 PM on February 24, 2010 [14 favorites]
posted by ged at 12:23 PM on February 24, 2010 [14 favorites]
I did not think it was creepy when I wore a nametag. Ok, maybe it was slightly creepy when a male customer I would rather not know my name said my name in a insinuating flirtatious manner, but I'm assuming that is not how your boyfriend says it, and creepy people will act creepy no matter what they do. I do not think it's creepy to call someone by name, but I seldom do it because I am aware that some people, like you, do think it inappropriate.
When a telephone customer service rep tells you his/her name at the start of the call is it creepy to use their name during the call? I do that.
posted by applemeat at 12:24 PM on February 24, 2010
When a telephone customer service rep tells you his/her name at the start of the call is it creepy to use their name during the call? I do that.
posted by applemeat at 12:24 PM on February 24, 2010
I always found it a little creepy back in the days of my pizza-parlor work. Probably why so many of us didn't have our real name on our tags.
posted by pupdog at 12:24 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by pupdog at 12:24 PM on February 24, 2010
I wouldn't call a person by their first name just because they have a nametag. I might, in circumstances where they introduce themselves to me ("Hi, I'm Pat, and I'll be your server tonight"). It's probably less rude to ask "Pat?" than yell "hey, waitron!" if you need something. I might also call a name-tagged person by their name if I work with them frequently (for instance, the teller I usually get at the bank). But then he or she probably knows my name too.
posted by ubiquity at 12:27 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by ubiquity at 12:27 PM on February 24, 2010
I wear a name tag at work and my thought is: I HATE it. I mean HATE. Especially when people subscribe to the "you are wearing a name tag so I should use your name as many times as possible during our interaction" school of thought. For me it really does not matter whether or not the offender is male or female- either way I don't like strangers using my name. On the flip side though- if it is a regular customer whom I see frequently it bothers me much less. But generally I really HATE it. I do not find it an act of courtesy. I find finishing your transaction without the meaningless small talk/ remarks that I hear all day (and twice as much on the weekends from tourists) with regard to my place of employment would be the most courteous thing you could do. But that is just me. I am highly efficient- not highly friendly.
posted by MayNicholas at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by MayNicholas at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
at my last cashier job, i didn't mind if customers called me by name if they were regulars or if we had been chatting for a while. some customers came off a little creepy, though. i know they were probably just trying to be friendly, but saying, "hello Laura!" right off the bat was a little weird, considering i had not previously met them.
posted by gursky at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by gursky at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010
Creepy, because even though you're wearing a name-tag, you often forget about it. For a split second there's always this, "Wait, how do you know my na--" before you remember that they probably just looked at your chest (I'm female) and saw the name-tag.
posted by too bad you're not me at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by too bad you're not me at 12:28 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I didn't think about it when I posted the question, but despite how I feel out face to face encounters, I use names with service people over the telephone. I guess it seems less invasive over the telephone.
My bf is not creepy and he's definitely trying to be polite. He is a bit older than me, and older than most service people he encounters. It might be a generational thing. Any thoughts on that?
posted by dchrssyr at 12:31 PM on February 24, 2010
My bf is not creepy and he's definitely trying to be polite. He is a bit older than me, and older than most service people he encounters. It might be a generational thing. Any thoughts on that?
posted by dchrssyr at 12:31 PM on February 24, 2010
Here's a book related to this called The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling about the dehumanizing effects of "emotional labor".
posted by AlsoMike at 12:33 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by AlsoMike at 12:33 PM on February 24, 2010
The rule of thumb is that if someone tells you their name then you can use their name in the course of the conversation. If they don't, then don't.
I do think that's the best rule. But I also think there are jobs that require interaction with the public, and there are jobs that don't. Getting a job as a waiter when you cannot stand feeling condescended to when someone addresses you by name seems like a bad plan. Yes, yes, I know, we've all had to pay the rent, me too.
posted by applemeat at 12:33 PM on February 24, 2010
I do think that's the best rule. But I also think there are jobs that require interaction with the public, and there are jobs that don't. Getting a job as a waiter when you cannot stand feeling condescended to when someone addresses you by name seems like a bad plan. Yes, yes, I know, we've all had to pay the rent, me too.
posted by applemeat at 12:33 PM on February 24, 2010
In the name tag example, it's creepy because there's a power disparity: the clerk doesn't know the customer's name, and the only reason the customer knows the clerk's name is because their employer has mandated the name tag.
If, on the other hand, the customer is a regular who has previously introduced themselves by name, it's not creepy at all, it's a delightful small town anachronism we should all be propagating.
posted by hot soup girl at 12:37 PM on February 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
If, on the other hand, the customer is a regular who has previously introduced themselves by name, it's not creepy at all, it's a delightful small town anachronism we should all be propagating.
posted by hot soup girl at 12:37 PM on February 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
The rule of thumb is that if someone tells you their name then you can use their name in the course of the conversation. If they don't, then don't.
Bingo. If they say their name, you can use their name.
I think this rule "works" because if they just have a nametag on, it's as if they are forced to tell you their name because of company policy.
Of course, now that I write that, I realize company policy could compel workers or telephone operators to introduce themselves with their name, but for whatever reason the positive action of SAYING one's name seems like consent for the name to be used in conversation (alas, it already has been used in conversation).
posted by jckll at 12:39 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Bingo. If they say their name, you can use their name.
I think this rule "works" because if they just have a nametag on, it's as if they are forced to tell you their name because of company policy.
Of course, now that I write that, I realize company policy could compel workers or telephone operators to introduce themselves with their name, but for whatever reason the positive action of SAYING one's name seems like consent for the name to be used in conversation (alas, it already has been used in conversation).
posted by jckll at 12:39 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
If someone doesn't verbally offer me his/her name, I'm not going to deploy it in our retail experience. Nametags suck, and I always feel badly when I see them.
The flipside of the coin is the poor bastards at Safeway or wherever who are instructed to end the transaction with, "Thank you, Mister . . . " and then there is the inevitable mangling of my weird last name.
posted by Skot at 12:39 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
The flipside of the coin is the poor bastards at Safeway or wherever who are instructed to end the transaction with, "Thank you, Mister . . . " and then there is the inevitable mangling of my weird last name.
posted by Skot at 12:39 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I found most of the time it was creepy, but every so often one of those customers came around who was really charismatic or non-threateningly outgoing and when he or she used my name in just the right way (not creepy, not salesman-like), it made my day a little brighter.
My uncle is like this. And when I'm with him and we go into a restaurant near his home, the waiters and waitresses remember his name and he almost always remembers theirs. Probably it's because he loves meeting and talking to people, and so he'll learn your name (and tell you his) because he wants to meet you, not because he wants to use your name as a means to some other end. I agree that it's rare, though.
posted by sallybrown at 12:45 PM on February 24, 2010
My uncle is like this. And when I'm with him and we go into a restaurant near his home, the waiters and waitresses remember his name and he almost always remembers theirs. Probably it's because he loves meeting and talking to people, and so he'll learn your name (and tell you his) because he wants to meet you, not because he wants to use your name as a means to some other end. I agree that it's rare, though.
posted by sallybrown at 12:45 PM on February 24, 2010
I think it's all in the manner (for the most part). If I've been sitting with you for an hour researching your family history? I'm pretty okay with getting called by my first name (then and afterwards). If I've just answered the phone or come up to the counter and I'm getting "well geek I saw these books and geek I just have to tell you that I love that author and geek could you just get some more of his work? Also geek do you read his books? You really should geek because he's very good" I do get uncomfortable. The content isn't the issue, it's the constant reiteration of my name like it's a magic spell that's going to force a connection - straight out of dodgy dating books and 'how to have personal power' type schticks. Quite often marked as politeness but rarely comes across that way because it's overly forceful and is attempting to build a non-existent connection that can be exploited.
posted by geek anachronism at 12:54 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by geek anachronism at 12:54 PM on February 24, 2010
As others have said I think it's overly familiar and therefore impolite/condescending, esp. because the familiarity doesn't go both ways.
posted by Ashley801 at 12:55 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by Ashley801 at 12:55 PM on February 24, 2010
Wearing a nametag always made me feel somewhat vulnerable; I can't really articulate what caused that feeling, but I dreaded having my name prominently displayed every shift for hundreds of people to see.
Adding to the chorus, I do have a strong aversion to nametag readers. I worked overnight shifts at a gas station (11pm - 7am) through my undergrad, and I was constantly confronted by leering semi-drunk dudes leaning on the counter and grinning at me "mischievously" while slurring my name threateningly. "Hellooooo, 1UP, how's your night going 1UP? Mannn.... *leans forward to peer at my face* 1UP, do you like.... to have fun?"
Sober people during the day were no better, honestly. People using my name were almost always men, and they almost always paired it with really confrontational eye contact that seemed like a pretty obvious display of power--it was like they were showing me rather passive-aggressively they would get what they wanted no matter what. Ick.
posted by 1UP at 12:57 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Adding to the chorus, I do have a strong aversion to nametag readers. I worked overnight shifts at a gas station (11pm - 7am) through my undergrad, and I was constantly confronted by leering semi-drunk dudes leaning on the counter and grinning at me "mischievously" while slurring my name threateningly. "Hellooooo, 1UP, how's your night going 1UP? Mannn.... *leans forward to peer at my face* 1UP, do you like.... to have fun?"
Sober people during the day were no better, honestly. People using my name were almost always men, and they almost always paired it with really confrontational eye contact that seemed like a pretty obvious display of power--it was like they were showing me rather passive-aggressively they would get what they wanted no matter what. Ick.
posted by 1UP at 12:57 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
The flipside of the coin is the poor bastards at Safeway or wherever who are instructed to end the transaction with, "Thank you, Mister . . . "
The awesome thing about the Safeway rewards card is that mine is tied to someone else's phone number, so I get "Thank you, Mister Jean-Baptiste."
posted by electroboy at 1:00 PM on February 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
The awesome thing about the Safeway rewards card is that mine is tied to someone else's phone number, so I get "Thank you, Mister Jean-Baptiste."
posted by electroboy at 1:00 PM on February 24, 2010 [4 favorites]
The flipside of the coin is the poor bastards at Safeway or wherever who are instructed to end the transaction with, "Thank you, Mister . . . " and then there is the inevitable mangling of my weird last name.
This is the tail on the coin, isn't it? I had a similar experience in, yes, a Safeway, where the cashier quickly saved a fumble after obviously-white-girl me gave her a card that brought up a name that was equally obviously male and Asian. Suddenly I was married to an ex-boyfriend! Given the number of people screwing around on loyalty cards, it can't be an uncommon event.
posted by whatzit at 1:03 PM on February 24, 2010
This is the tail on the coin, isn't it? I had a similar experience in, yes, a Safeway, where the cashier quickly saved a fumble after obviously-white-girl me gave her a card that brought up a name that was equally obviously male and Asian. Suddenly I was married to an ex-boyfriend! Given the number of people screwing around on loyalty cards, it can't be an uncommon event.
posted by whatzit at 1:03 PM on February 24, 2010
I second the creepy BECAUSE of the power differential. Having a damn nametag on makes you public property. You're not allowed to be anonymous so someone can choose to pick on JENNY (as seen above) to the manager if they so desire. Ugh. And dear lord, it is worse if you're a girl and a guy sees your nametag. Especially if he's the sort you wish didn't get to find out what your name was. If at all possible, I will "lose" or "forget" a nametag if someone forces one upon me to avoid this.
Please don't use the person's name. Let them at least pretend that you're not keeping tabs on them by reminding them that you know it. They probably don't feel any warmer and fuzzier towards you unless you're a regular customer anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:04 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Please don't use the person's name. Let them at least pretend that you're not keeping tabs on them by reminding them that you know it. They probably don't feel any warmer and fuzzier towards you unless you're a regular customer anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:04 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Former (and in this economy, possibly future!) nametag-wearing retail worker here, and yeah, it's generally creepy. The only times I didn't think it was creepy was when the situation was something like this:
Me: Hi, can I help you?
Customer: That's okay - [co-worker's name] went downstairs to get me [awesome cheese].
Me: Great! Let me know if I can help you with anything else.
posted by rtha at 1:06 PM on February 24, 2010
Me: Hi, can I help you?
Customer: That's okay - [co-worker's name] went downstairs to get me [awesome cheese].
Me: Great! Let me know if I can help you with anything else.
posted by rtha at 1:06 PM on February 24, 2010
N'thing creepy. The only folks I know who do this on a regular basis are also the two biggest douchebags I know.
However...in my younger (read: single) days I wouldn't hesitate to introduce myself right back to waitstaff provided they seemed cool and close to my age. This once prompted a waiter to sit at our table while we ordered which was funny. Now, if a server did that now I'd just figure they were a lazy punkass teenager.
posted by mrsshotglass at 1:15 PM on February 24, 2010
However...in my younger (read: single) days I wouldn't hesitate to introduce myself right back to waitstaff provided they seemed cool and close to my age. This once prompted a waiter to sit at our table while we ordered which was funny. Now, if a server did that now I'd just figure they were a lazy punkass teenager.
posted by mrsshotglass at 1:15 PM on February 24, 2010
I'll agree with everyone else: creepy, condescending. Even if the customer is using your name as a measure of politeness or respect—I think this is most often older folks—it does create a power imbalance and places your identity out there for everyone to see, which is the last thing you want when you're working retail for Kmart.
(The worst story I've heard is that of my former co-worker at a state park, who was amiably chatted up by a visitor at the entry kiosk one morning, only to find that this visitor had then added him on facebook that night. I'm sure this happens all the time to women.)
A service worker's anonymity is often the only dignity she has, and when it is appropriated by a customer who wants a special deal, or some creepmeister who's very interested in her chest, that dignity too is yielded up on the bloody altar of commerce. In short, no, not cool.
posted by cirripede at 1:20 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
(The worst story I've heard is that of my former co-worker at a state park, who was amiably chatted up by a visitor at the entry kiosk one morning, only to find that this visitor had then added him on facebook that night. I'm sure this happens all the time to women.)
A service worker's anonymity is often the only dignity she has, and when it is appropriated by a customer who wants a special deal, or some creepmeister who's very interested in her chest, that dignity too is yielded up on the bloody altar of commerce. In short, no, not cool.
posted by cirripede at 1:20 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I found it a little weird and off-putting when I worked food service (even despite the intent having always been friendly.)
posted by Zed at 1:21 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by Zed at 1:21 PM on February 24, 2010
Creepy, invasive, and (especially when coming from an older man) condescending. I have a sliiiightly unusual name, which meant I had people grilling me on the name ("Oh, Phoebe! Like from Charmed/Friends/Catcher in the Rye/the train/the singer named after the train!") or mispronouncing it, which only added to the irritation of being in a job where I had to wear a name tag.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:21 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:21 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Creepy. I previously worked at a job where we didn't wear nametags, but we had to announce our names in the midst of a hideous corporate spiel every time we answered the phone. I was a single girl working alone in a video store in the evenings, I had another co-worker who did evening shifts alone too. Some asshole took great delight in calling the store and threatening me and her by name, anytime we were there alone. Yeah, not a big fan.
posted by Joh at 1:27 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by Joh at 1:27 PM on February 24, 2010
Hate it! Am female, find it creepy and/or condescending. Hated it less over the phone, but I have a distinctly male first name (long story) and it baffled people more than anything and people generally wouldn't use it.
(I also hated having to use a customer's first name, which, in our call center, we were actually required to. I just flatly refused, and my managers would roll their eyes and otherwise not care. It's creepy both ways!)
posted by restless_nomad at 1:37 PM on February 24, 2010
(I also hated having to use a customer's first name, which, in our call center, we were actually required to. I just flatly refused, and my managers would roll their eyes and otherwise not care. It's creepy both ways!)
posted by restless_nomad at 1:37 PM on February 24, 2010
The well-known, chain bookstore I used to work at had to replace my name tags regularly. I "lost" them so many times that I was written up by the managers. I took to wearing name tags of past employees that were left in the break room. For some reason that didn't bother me so much. I didn't even mind being called the fake name by customers. It was less invasive that way.
posted by Kloryne at 1:39 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by Kloryne at 1:39 PM on February 24, 2010
The only person who can say someone's name on their nametag without being at all creepy is my dad, and that's only because he's the kindest person I know. I've never seen a person get weirded out when he says their name.
Everyone else who does that just creeps me out.
posted by pecknpah at 1:41 PM on February 24, 2010
Everyone else who does that just creeps me out.
posted by pecknpah at 1:41 PM on February 24, 2010
When I worked in a job where I had to wear a name tag, I found it very creepy and off-putting when people used my name. It was especially disconcerting when some angry customers once followed me home and when others would be hanging around the store at 2 am when we closed. The teen girls on staff tended to find it scary. Some of the guys also found it disconcerting. Since the employee manual only said that we had to wear a name tag and not WHAT name tag, we all swapped them. Fortunately, management tolerated this, when they occasionally noticed. In fact, we were told to never confirm that anyone worked at the sub shop or to give out any information about them on the phone. Our franchise owner, a former cop, seemed to understand how disconcerting it could be to work graveyard shifts in a seedy area and have people use your name.
So, for what it's worth, I think that it may be disconcerting and invasive for the person whose name you are using. It depends on the circumstances, though. If I had been working in, say, a retail store in an less scary area and you were polite and not remotely drunk or scary, I might have been okay with it.
posted by acoutu at 1:47 PM on February 24, 2010
So, for what it's worth, I think that it may be disconcerting and invasive for the person whose name you are using. It depends on the circumstances, though. If I had been working in, say, a retail store in an less scary area and you were polite and not remotely drunk or scary, I might have been okay with it.
posted by acoutu at 1:47 PM on February 24, 2010
Agreeing that it's mostly creepy, but of course context always matters, and there are plenty of people who can do it in a non-creepy manner.
When my daughter was a carhop, she used a Sharpie to change her nametag from "Firstname Lastname" to "Lady Lastname." The customers who noticed it got a kick out of it, and it was enough of a laid back working environment that her bosses never asked her to change it.
My son is a grocery store clerk/bagboy and his name tags is just "Firstname" but it bothered him enough that he changed it to a completely different name. So far, no one in authority has noticed or commented on it.
posted by amyms at 1:49 PM on February 24, 2010
When my daughter was a carhop, she used a Sharpie to change her nametag from "Firstname Lastname" to "Lady Lastname." The customers who noticed it got a kick out of it, and it was enough of a laid back working environment that her bosses never asked her to change it.
My son is a grocery store clerk/bagboy and his name tags is just "Firstname" but it bothered him enough that he changed it to a completely different name. So far, no one in authority has noticed or commented on it.
posted by amyms at 1:49 PM on February 24, 2010
I've worked places where to make it even more dehumanizing you were assigned a name, since they wanted customers to feel like they could identify you if need be, "I was being helped by Robert..." and yet it meant the workers (especially the women) didn't have to feel like every stalker got to know their name.
I've hated it with a passion. My first name is Christopher. I'd all the time get customers that would shorten my name to Chris. My sister and her kids call me that. The rest of the world no. I would always accidently screw up their names when responding.
Unless jessamyn is removing tons of responses here or Diebold is doing the tallying it looks like it resoundly against your boyfriend. And if it matters on the age thing I am nearly 40 and I've felt this way about the name tags for the last 25 years.
I'll never wear a name tag again and I will never touch another man's credit cards again.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:50 PM on February 24, 2010
I've hated it with a passion. My first name is Christopher. I'd all the time get customers that would shorten my name to Chris. My sister and her kids call me that. The rest of the world no. I would always accidently screw up their names when responding.
Unless jessamyn is removing tons of responses here or Diebold is doing the tallying it looks like it resoundly against your boyfriend. And if it matters on the age thing I am nearly 40 and I've felt this way about the name tags for the last 25 years.
I'll never wear a name tag again and I will never touch another man's credit cards again.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:50 PM on February 24, 2010
I hated it when I worked in retail because of the stalker creeps mentioned before (sober ones creeped me out more than drunk ones.)
These days, as the customer, both on the phone and in person, I introduce myself.
Them: "Thanks for calling BigCompany. My name's Dave. How can I help you today?"
Me: "Hi Dave, I'm small_ruminant. I hoping you can help me figure out how to...."
They probably think I'm a weirdo but oh well.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:52 PM on February 24, 2010
These days, as the customer, both on the phone and in person, I introduce myself.
Them: "Thanks for calling BigCompany. My name's Dave. How can I help you today?"
Me: "Hi Dave, I'm small_ruminant. I hoping you can help me figure out how to...."
They probably think I'm a weirdo but oh well.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:52 PM on February 24, 2010
As a server, I found it creepy due to the power imbalance others mentioned above and I didn't give my name out; regulars came to know it organically, e.g., hearing co-workers use it. Nowadays, I respond to "I'm Sarah, and I'll be your server tonight" with "I'm Carmicha, and I'll be your customer tonight." It alleviates the power imbalance, it's funny and it's a nod to the ridiculousness of management mandating faux-friendly behavior. Works for me.
posted by carmicha at 2:01 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by carmicha at 2:01 PM on February 24, 2010
I didn't always find it creepy, but it never got better than awkward. Nobody's choosing to wear that name-badge, after all.
(The worst customer I had for this spent most of a long transaction dropping my name into every other sentence - "Better make sure I double-bag this, Catseye! Wouldn't want to lose it on the way home, haha!", and even when he dropped his credit card and the customer behind him picked it up to hand back, "Ooooh, better be careful, hadn't I, Catseye? Good thing she noticed that, eh?" I will forever love the customer behind him, who said "You're welcome, Bob," and when he looked surprised, said with a perfectly straight face "Your name's on your credit card.")
posted by Catseye at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010
(The worst customer I had for this spent most of a long transaction dropping my name into every other sentence - "Better make sure I double-bag this, Catseye! Wouldn't want to lose it on the way home, haha!", and even when he dropped his credit card and the customer behind him picked it up to hand back, "Ooooh, better be careful, hadn't I, Catseye? Good thing she noticed that, eh?" I will forever love the customer behind him, who said "You're welcome, Bob," and when he looked surprised, said with a perfectly straight face "Your name's on your credit card.")
posted by Catseye at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010
Whenever someone I don't actually know uses my name, I always take it as "this person wants something from me that they don't think I will want to give them, and for some reason they (falsely) believe that using my name will change this."
posted by needs more cowbell at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by needs more cowbell at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
I noticed that in the US as well - we don't do that here.
That said...why do people all wear a nametag and introduce themselves by name, if you're not supposed to actually call them by name? I've never understood this "hi, my name is Mark and I am your waiter for tonight!" thing. I don't care what your name is! And persumably you don't care what mine is. I'm interested in service and you're interested in a good tip, and that's what counts. It seems vaguely invasive like crafting a personal connection on the spot, a connection that is, as others have said, lopsided in terms of power.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010
That said...why do people all wear a nametag and introduce themselves by name, if you're not supposed to actually call them by name? I've never understood this "hi, my name is Mark and I am your waiter for tonight!" thing. I don't care what your name is! And persumably you don't care what mine is. I'm interested in service and you're interested in a good tip, and that's what counts. It seems vaguely invasive like crafting a personal connection on the spot, a connection that is, as others have said, lopsided in terms of power.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:08 PM on February 24, 2010
To clarify, I realise it's not the employee's idea to wear a nametag, but I don't get why this is corporate policy everywhere. If I want to complain about the employee, or otherwise mention him, I'll ask for the name!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:10 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by Omnomnom at 2:10 PM on February 24, 2010
I fight about this with my mom. I think it's rude and shouldn't be done. Those employees didn't choose to wear a nametag. It was forced on them. Creepy.
posted by prefpara at 2:10 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by prefpara at 2:10 PM on February 24, 2010
Me: "Hi Dave, I'm small_ruminant. I hoping you can help me figure out how to...."
They probably think I'm a weirdo but oh well.
You can chalk it up to your high level of international awareness if anyone accuses you of being a weirdo. This is par for the course in phone conversations in Japan and France, probably other places too, with people who don't need to know who you are or what company you're calling from.
posted by whatzit at 2:12 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
They probably think I'm a weirdo but oh well.
You can chalk it up to your high level of international awareness if anyone accuses you of being a weirdo. This is par for the course in phone conversations in Japan and France, probably other places too, with people who don't need to know who you are or what company you're calling from.
posted by whatzit at 2:12 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Unless jessamyn is removing tons of responses here or Diebold is doing the tallying it looks like it resoundly against your boyfriend. And if it matters on the age thing I am nearly 40 and I've felt this way about the name tags for the last 25 years.
Yep, and he's having a bad day. Now he's going to feel like we're all calling him creepy. Hopefully, he won't take it personally. But I bet he breaks the habit of reading people's nametags to them.
Hmmm...AskMe as behavior modification? How else can I use this to my benefit?
posted by dchrssyr at 2:23 PM on February 24, 2010
Yep, and he's having a bad day. Now he's going to feel like we're all calling him creepy. Hopefully, he won't take it personally. But I bet he breaks the habit of reading people's nametags to them.
Hmmm...AskMe as behavior modification? How else can I use this to my benefit?
posted by dchrssyr at 2:23 PM on February 24, 2010
Something that nobody has mentioned is the level of informality in using someone's FIRST name. In formal situations it's often appropriate, as a matter of respect, to call people Mr/Mrs/Ms Lastname, until they explicitly say "Please call me Firstname".
It smells very disrespectful to me, making people wear name badges so that their first names are paraded around. It has the implication that they are public property, or they have low status (like children, for example, or those with learning difficulties, who are usually referred to by their first name).
The status issue is less clear among younger people, where first names are pretty much the order of the day, but when a much older man (who normally gets to be called Mr Lastname) assumes he can call a younger woman by her first name, it puts a creepy power differential into the transaction. It's like Lord Whatnot calling his under-housemaid by her first name: there's no way she can politely do the same back.
posted by emilyw at 2:25 PM on February 24, 2010
It smells very disrespectful to me, making people wear name badges so that their first names are paraded around. It has the implication that they are public property, or they have low status (like children, for example, or those with learning difficulties, who are usually referred to by their first name).
The status issue is less clear among younger people, where first names are pretty much the order of the day, but when a much older man (who normally gets to be called Mr Lastname) assumes he can call a younger woman by her first name, it puts a creepy power differential into the transaction. It's like Lord Whatnot calling his under-housemaid by her first name: there's no way she can politely do the same back.
posted by emilyw at 2:25 PM on February 24, 2010
Best answer: > It might be a generational thing. Any thoughts on that?
I think you may be right. I was astounded at the unanimity expressed here ("Creepy! EW!"); I have had to wear nametags at a couple of jobs and didn't like being made to, but never resented customers for addressing me by the name on my tag—it seemed like an obviously friendly gesture. Now, I totally understand that women have a different perspective, and that guys can use unearned information like that in creepy ways, but I would have thought the answers here would be more nuanced: "I usually don't mind, but when a guy's being creepy..." But no, it seems like the very attempt to use the information is seen as creepy, which is weird to me. I'm in my fifties, and the vast majority of MeFites are considerably younger, so there's a data point for you. (The odd thing to me is that younger folk seem far more lax about privacy in general, what with all the Facebook sharing, but that's another topic.)
posted by languagehat at 3:12 PM on February 24, 2010
I think you may be right. I was astounded at the unanimity expressed here ("Creepy! EW!"); I have had to wear nametags at a couple of jobs and didn't like being made to, but never resented customers for addressing me by the name on my tag—it seemed like an obviously friendly gesture. Now, I totally understand that women have a different perspective, and that guys can use unearned information like that in creepy ways, but I would have thought the answers here would be more nuanced: "I usually don't mind, but when a guy's being creepy..." But no, it seems like the very attempt to use the information is seen as creepy, which is weird to me. I'm in my fifties, and the vast majority of MeFites are considerably younger, so there's a data point for you. (The odd thing to me is that younger folk seem far more lax about privacy in general, what with all the Facebook sharing, but that's another topic.)
posted by languagehat at 3:12 PM on February 24, 2010
I was a host in a deli, and I found my nametag so humiliating that I often didn't wear it, despite being regularly told that I was breaking the rules, risking termination, and taking points away from my co-workers in evaluations by not wearing it. I always feel bad for people who have to wear them.
posted by bingo at 3:18 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by bingo at 3:18 PM on February 24, 2010
I generally feel the same way as everyone else, but I actually think it's worth being somewhat open-minded here.
When I was a waitress ("hi my name is XYZ and i'll be your server today") it didn't bother me at all. Then, the other day, some phone customer service agent (at Kaiser?) was using my name a lot, so I started using the person's name as well, figuring "when in Rome," and the whole thing actually felt kind of extra-pleasant.
posted by salvia at 3:32 PM on February 24, 2010
When I was a waitress ("hi my name is XYZ and i'll be your server today") it didn't bother me at all. Then, the other day, some phone customer service agent (at Kaiser?) was using my name a lot, so I started using the person's name as well, figuring "when in Rome," and the whole thing actually felt kind of extra-pleasant.
posted by salvia at 3:32 PM on February 24, 2010
The odd thing to me is that younger folk seem far more lax about privacy in general, what with all the Facebook sharing,
There's a big difference between sharing by choice and being forced to share against your will.
When I worked retail the only time I really felt comfortable with a customer calling me by name is when they introduced themselves first.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:36 PM on February 24, 2010
There's a big difference between sharing by choice and being forced to share against your will.
When I worked retail the only time I really felt comfortable with a customer calling me by name is when they introduced themselves first.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:36 PM on February 24, 2010
Bit late to this, but thought I'd mention this one anyway.
I had a part-time job once where all the staff had to wear nametags (this in the UK). It wasn't a thing in itself — in the sense that we had a uniform, and we had a badge with our names on, and that was that. I'd been working there about six months without ever thinking about the nametag past clipping it on in the morning when a customer addressed me by name. If anyone's ever had a service industry-type job, you'll know what I mean when I say you spend a lot of the time on autopilot. You use certain stock phrases, you run through mental checklists when carrying out certain tasks. This completely switched off my autopilot. Completely forgetting the fact that I was wearing a nametag, my mind immediately went into overdrive. Do I know this person from someone? Is this a friend of a friend? A relative, even? A teacher at my school? After drawing a blank, I managed to splutter “Do I— erm, know… you?”
“Nope,” the customer says, “I just saw your nametag. My name's jaffacakerhubarb too!”
I laughed nervously, and we proceeded to talk briefly about how the other common spellings of our name were markedly inferior to ours. It was harmless, and the guy certainly wasn't weird at all, but I would have found it very odd if people I'd never met started calling me by my first name.
posted by jaffacakerhubarb at 3:36 PM on February 24, 2010
I had a part-time job once where all the staff had to wear nametags (this in the UK). It wasn't a thing in itself — in the sense that we had a uniform, and we had a badge with our names on, and that was that. I'd been working there about six months without ever thinking about the nametag past clipping it on in the morning when a customer addressed me by name. If anyone's ever had a service industry-type job, you'll know what I mean when I say you spend a lot of the time on autopilot. You use certain stock phrases, you run through mental checklists when carrying out certain tasks. This completely switched off my autopilot. Completely forgetting the fact that I was wearing a nametag, my mind immediately went into overdrive. Do I know this person from someone? Is this a friend of a friend? A relative, even? A teacher at my school? After drawing a blank, I managed to splutter “Do I— erm, know… you?”
“Nope,” the customer says, “I just saw your nametag. My name's jaffacakerhubarb too!”
I laughed nervously, and we proceeded to talk briefly about how the other common spellings of our name were markedly inferior to ours. It was harmless, and the guy certainly wasn't weird at all, but I would have found it very odd if people I'd never met started calling me by my first name.
posted by jaffacakerhubarb at 3:36 PM on February 24, 2010
Creepy unless i've introduced myself first.
posted by saradarlin at 3:37 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by saradarlin at 3:37 PM on February 24, 2010
Best answer: After working in retail I got used to it and it really didn't bother me much. In fact, sometimes it felt kind of nice that they saw me as a person with a name and not just "random store employee." What I didn't like as much was when they started asking questions... "oh, is that short for ___?" Although I wouldn't really call that over the line either, personally.
What does feel a little weird to me is when I pay by check/credit card and they call me by name, but oh well. I don't think too much of it. Once I checked out a customer at my register and looked at her check and we had the same last name... turns out this was my 2nd cousin and I didn't even know it!
I guess I may be in the minority here, in that it doesn't bother me, but I've always lived in a small town near a small city, and I see the same cashiers over and over again, sometimes for years. Just the other day a cashier said to me that when she saw me, she hoped she'd get to wait on me today. That was really nice. :)
As a cashier I had a couple of customers who would always look for me too, which was a great feeling.
I always, always make it a point to know the names of my waiters and waitresses, because if they give good service I will request them by name.
posted by IndigoRain at 3:53 PM on February 24, 2010
What does feel a little weird to me is when I pay by check/credit card and they call me by name, but oh well. I don't think too much of it. Once I checked out a customer at my register and looked at her check and we had the same last name... turns out this was my 2nd cousin and I didn't even know it!
I guess I may be in the minority here, in that it doesn't bother me, but I've always lived in a small town near a small city, and I see the same cashiers over and over again, sometimes for years. Just the other day a cashier said to me that when she saw me, she hoped she'd get to wait on me today. That was really nice. :)
As a cashier I had a couple of customers who would always look for me too, which was a great feeling.
I always, always make it a point to know the names of my waiters and waitresses, because if they give good service I will request them by name.
posted by IndigoRain at 3:53 PM on February 24, 2010
Then there was the name tag my spouse had : "Anita Job"; I'm sure there were other creative efforts.
posted by Agamenticus at 4:01 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Agamenticus at 4:01 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
I always hated it when people referred to me by my name. I'm female, and I agree that it was worse with male customers, because there was something kind of creepy and I'm-sort-of-trying-to-hit-on-you about it, even if I knew that was not the customer's intention.
It's especially weird because usually there was no apparent need to refer me to my name. I mean, it's totally unnecessary to say something like "Hey ______, do you have any more of _____ in stock?" when you could just skip the first part altogether.
posted by vanitas at 4:25 PM on February 24, 2010
It's especially weird because usually there was no apparent need to refer me to my name. I mean, it's totally unnecessary to say something like "Hey ______, do you have any more of _____ in stock?" when you could just skip the first part altogether.
posted by vanitas at 4:25 PM on February 24, 2010
Now he's going to feel like we're all calling him creepy. Hopefully, he won't take it personally.
Make sure you let him know it's not at all unanimous.
I'm a couple of decades younger than languagehat and I don't find it all creepy or odd.
So long as he's not coming off as demanding or a lech, let him keep it up!
posted by madajb at 4:31 PM on February 24, 2010
Make sure you let him know it's not at all unanimous.
I'm a couple of decades younger than languagehat and I don't find it all creepy or odd.
So long as he's not coming off as demanding or a lech, let him keep it up!
posted by madajb at 4:31 PM on February 24, 2010
I think the distinction between the phone and in person is that the person on the phone starts out knowing your name and using it. The person on the phone can (in most of the phone shops I have been acquainted with, anyway) choose to use their last or first name, or even a different one as long as their managers know which name they use.
Whereas when I go to ye olde grocery store, the person behind the register is giving me their name, but does not get mine unless I choose to give it to them, either by saying it or by paying with a credit card.
I always used a different name on the phone, because my name is weird and memorable, and for that reason I always used someone else's nametag when I worked somewhere that required them. It is condescending to use someone's name simply because it's there, for the same reason it's condescending to call people who are serving you 'sweetie' or 'honey' - they are not in a position to protest.
posted by winna at 5:23 PM on February 24, 2010
Whereas when I go to ye olde grocery store, the person behind the register is giving me their name, but does not get mine unless I choose to give it to them, either by saying it or by paying with a credit card.
I always used a different name on the phone, because my name is weird and memorable, and for that reason I always used someone else's nametag when I worked somewhere that required them. It is condescending to use someone's name simply because it's there, for the same reason it's condescending to call people who are serving you 'sweetie' or 'honey' - they are not in a position to protest.
posted by winna at 5:23 PM on February 24, 2010
I'm forty and was surprised not only by the consensus here, but also people's intensity on the topic! It's kind of sad to me that a practice my friendly, Midwestern mother is so guilty of makes people feel dehumanized or constitutes some unctuous ulterior power play. If she read this thread she'd probably feel hurt and embarrassed.
posted by applemeat at 5:40 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by applemeat at 5:40 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
As someone who had an on-campus nametag-job way back in college, I found that the easiest thing to do was just put someone else's name on the nametag. In fact, when I was first hired at that particular job, my nametag hadn't been made yet, so I picked one out of the basket and wore that one instead. For a couple of weeks, I was Steve. (Steve had graduated the previous spring, I later found out.)
It feels 100x less creepy when someone talks to you using a name that isn't yours.
posted by Wild_Eep at 6:10 PM on February 24, 2010
It feels 100x less creepy when someone talks to you using a name that isn't yours.
posted by Wild_Eep at 6:10 PM on February 24, 2010
I have never had to wear a nametag at work, but I find the objections to people using your name surprising. For context I am in my late 40's if that makes a difference. I can only remember one time I used a name off a name tag and feeling like I made a mistake doing so, but why have the darn thing if people shouldn't use it? Assuming that my work requires it, what harm is there in people calling me Johnny? Why would work require it if they didn't want customers to feel like they could use the tag?
I see the tag as a starting point for an introduction. (Assuming name tag said John Doe). "John? (or Mr. Doe?) Hi, Johnny Gunn here. I am looking for some help in buying some widgets to rebuild my gongulator. Can you please help me?"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:48 PM on February 24, 2010
I see the tag as a starting point for an introduction. (Assuming name tag said John Doe). "John? (or Mr. Doe?) Hi, Johnny Gunn here. I am looking for some help in buying some widgets to rebuild my gongulator. Can you please help me?"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:48 PM on February 24, 2010
When I've worked jobs that had nametags, there were some customers who could say my name and make it sound genuinely friendly and I felt that they were good, nice people who wanted me to have a better day.
Mostly, though, when customers tried to use my name it sounded kind of smarmy.
posted by Nattie at 6:50 PM on February 24, 2010
Mostly, though, when customers tried to use my name it sounded kind of smarmy.
posted by Nattie at 6:50 PM on February 24, 2010
"why do people all wear a nametag and introduce themselves by name, if you're not supposed to actually call them by name? "
this nailed it for me.
Context... I'm 61 (don't say it!)... We eat out a lot... when a waitperson says to us "hi, I'm Whatevername, I'll be taking care of you/serving you/your waiter/your waitress tonight", it establishes the norm for me, we're evidently on a first name basis.
I HATE saying "hey you", "waitress", "waiter", "waitperson"... Saying "dchrssyr, could we get some more bread" feels a lot more respectful, after all, you introduced yourself to us.
I'm not hitting on you, trust me, one ex and a current wife makes that a no-brainer, plus, I could be your grandfather!
My advice: I trust that most people in a service industry are smart enough to know when someone (like my former brother-in-law, who hit on anyone who brought him a salad!) is a jerk, go with your gut feeling.
Using your name is NOT the indicator, the manner, the words, the leer, the whatever, is what determines the intent...
Give us old guys a break, we're trying to treat you like a person and be respectful..
that said, can I get some more water dchrssyr?
posted by HuronBob at 7:27 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
this nailed it for me.
Context... I'm 61 (don't say it!)... We eat out a lot... when a waitperson says to us "hi, I'm Whatevername, I'll be taking care of you/serving you/your waiter/your waitress tonight", it establishes the norm for me, we're evidently on a first name basis.
I HATE saying "hey you", "waitress", "waiter", "waitperson"... Saying "dchrssyr, could we get some more bread" feels a lot more respectful, after all, you introduced yourself to us.
I'm not hitting on you, trust me, one ex and a current wife makes that a no-brainer, plus, I could be your grandfather!
My advice: I trust that most people in a service industry are smart enough to know when someone (like my former brother-in-law, who hit on anyone who brought him a salad!) is a jerk, go with your gut feeling.
Using your name is NOT the indicator, the manner, the words, the leer, the whatever, is what determines the intent...
Give us old guys a break, we're trying to treat you like a person and be respectful..
that said, can I get some more water dchrssyr?
posted by HuronBob at 7:27 PM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]
Even if a person providing a service has given you their name, overusing it is creepy.
As a provider of level 2 tech support at a large company, I am often on the phone with other employees who I do not know. These conversations typically start off with "Hello, this is superna from the XYZ support team, and I'm calling for Bob" or "XYZ support team, superna speaking".
If Bob responds "Hello superna, this is Bob", that feels perfectly appropriate. If at the close of the call , Bob says something like "Thanks for the help, have a nice day superna", that also feels pleasant and appropriate.
But it feels really creepy if he uses my name like punctuation throughout the conversation like this: "Well, superna, here's the problem, when I try to do X in the system, superna, it gives me error Y. I need to be able to do X before 3 PM , superna..."
It feels like he's trying to hypnotize me using my name. I suspect a clumsy implementation of the sales guru advice that people love the sound of their own name. That may be true, but Bob is nowhere near smooth enough to pull it off.
posted by superna at 8:22 PM on February 24, 2010
As a provider of level 2 tech support at a large company, I am often on the phone with other employees who I do not know. These conversations typically start off with "Hello, this is superna from the XYZ support team, and I'm calling for Bob" or "XYZ support team, superna speaking".
If Bob responds "Hello superna, this is Bob", that feels perfectly appropriate. If at the close of the call , Bob says something like "Thanks for the help, have a nice day superna", that also feels pleasant and appropriate.
But it feels really creepy if he uses my name like punctuation throughout the conversation like this: "Well, superna, here's the problem, when I try to do X in the system, superna, it gives me error Y. I need to be able to do X before 3 PM , superna..."
It feels like he's trying to hypnotize me using my name. I suspect a clumsy implementation of the sales guru advice that people love the sound of their own name. That may be true, but Bob is nowhere near smooth enough to pull it off.
posted by superna at 8:22 PM on February 24, 2010
Whoops, that wasn't directed at HuronBob as the proximity may imply - "Bob" is just my default guy name for examples.
posted by superna at 8:41 PM on February 24, 2010
posted by superna at 8:41 PM on February 24, 2010
why do people all wear a nametag and introduce themselves by name, if you're not supposed to actually call them by name?
Because when you're young, you have to take the jobs you can get. And if the only job you can get is one that requires you to wear a nametag, well, that's where you work. It is not like wearing a nametag is a perk of the job.
posted by winna at 9:23 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
Because when you're young, you have to take the jobs you can get. And if the only job you can get is one that requires you to wear a nametag, well, that's where you work. It is not like wearing a nametag is a perk of the job.
posted by winna at 9:23 PM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's kind of sad to me that a practice my friendly, Midwestern mother is so guilty of makes people feel dehumanized or constitutes some unctuous ulterior power play. If she read this thread she'd probably feel hurt and embarrassed.
Applemeat, I think you have keep in mind that some people are naturally friendly and nice (including your mom, I'm guessing) and these are one of the few types of people that cashiers/servers/etc don't mind when it comes to using their name. This is distressingly rare, as most people who use an employee's name off the nametag are making a power play, creep-flirting, storing a name for future complaints to the manager and so on.
So to clarify, as a former hotel clerk, retail clerk, and nametag wearer extraordinaire, I don't like people using my name when it hasn't been given to them except when it's people who genuinely have the best intentions and friendliness in mind. I'm sure your mom is one of those people for whom everyone grants an exception to the rule.
posted by librarylis at 10:56 PM on February 24, 2010
Applemeat, I think you have keep in mind that some people are naturally friendly and nice (including your mom, I'm guessing) and these are one of the few types of people that cashiers/servers/etc don't mind when it comes to using their name. This is distressingly rare, as most people who use an employee's name off the nametag are making a power play, creep-flirting, storing a name for future complaints to the manager and so on.
So to clarify, as a former hotel clerk, retail clerk, and nametag wearer extraordinaire, I don't like people using my name when it hasn't been given to them except when it's people who genuinely have the best intentions and friendliness in mind. I'm sure your mom is one of those people for whom everyone grants an exception to the rule.
posted by librarylis at 10:56 PM on February 24, 2010
When I had to wear a name tag at work, every single time a person I didn't know called me by name, I had to squelch the impulse to say "Who the fuck are you?" Every single time. It was just like, dude, I don't KNOW you, back off!
posted by KathrynT at 2:17 AM on February 25, 2010
posted by KathrynT at 2:17 AM on February 25, 2010
Sometimes creepy, but usually just uncomfortable - I hate it when someone uses my name when they've gotten it in any other way than me telling them. The clerk looking at my debit card and telling me, "Have a nice day, Lemniskate", etc. I really don't like that. If I use the name of someone wearing a nametag, I try to equalise our positions to where I introduce myself as the opener of whatever my request or conversation foray is. On the phone, I always do this. "Hi, thanks for calling ShittyCableCompany, I'm Mary, how can I help you?" "Hi Mary, I'm Lemniskate and my cable modem just imploded into a little plastic puddle." etc.
posted by lemniskate at 6:22 AM on February 25, 2010
posted by lemniskate at 6:22 AM on February 25, 2010
As someone who is required to use customer's names during transactions, I don't mind it.
"Thanks for your deposit today, Mr. Customer, anything else I can do for you today?"
"No, that's fine, uh......Juliet. Thank you."
I actually don't mind when people use my name, because I've already used theirs, and it kind of feels like if they're important enough to be addressed by name, I am too. And I see a lot of these people all the time, it's nice they're bothering to try to learn my name. Of course, all this is just a stiff corporate attempt to personalize a transaction that could have been done by an ATM, so whatever.
posted by Juliet Banana at 9:31 AM on February 25, 2010
"Thanks for your deposit today, Mr. Customer, anything else I can do for you today?"
"No, that's fine, uh......Juliet. Thank you."
I actually don't mind when people use my name, because I've already used theirs, and it kind of feels like if they're important enough to be addressed by name, I am too. And I see a lot of these people all the time, it's nice they're bothering to try to learn my name. Of course, all this is just a stiff corporate attempt to personalize a transaction that could have been done by an ATM, so whatever.
posted by Juliet Banana at 9:31 AM on February 25, 2010
I always got the guys who leered creepily at a name tag before using my name a million times. "Thank you so much Blue. You're very polite Blue." Or people who asked about my ethnic origin because of my name. "Oh isn't Blue a Russian name? Are you Russian?" And then of course the previously mentioned people who use your name because they want something and want to pretend that we're best friends. I think it all has to do with tone of voice. If your name is said in a neutral way, like "Thank you very much, Blue. Have a nice day" then its not creepy.
posted by blueskiesinside at 3:09 PM on February 25, 2010
posted by blueskiesinside at 3:09 PM on February 25, 2010
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posted by ludwig_van at 12:17 PM on February 24, 2010 [11 favorites]