Nice girls don't try

February 22, 2010 1:13 PM

Help me be less weird about professors.

I have a BA and a master's (generally an A-/B+ student in the humanites), and I've been taking courses online to fulfill prereqs (A student in the sciences after devoting my heart and soul to studying like mad) for a professional program I want to attend. It's been really difficult, but awesome (I'm pretty much responsible for teaching myself everything), and I find that I'm the kind of student I always wanted to be, namely because I only have interaction with my professor via email and then taking timed exams with a proctor not affiliated with the class.

I realized that before, my motivation was directly influenced by what I thought professors thought of me. Like if I was in a class where I had to work hard to do well, and I thought the professor knew it, I would feel ashamed and not try as hard and think if I couldn't be an outstanding student then I could at least be the A-/B+ student he/she probably pegged me as. It became more about what the prof thought of me (I wanted him/her to like me and think I was nice) rather than working hard on the material to learn it. It almost felt like I was spending more energy platonically flirting than trying to master the material, so the point of learning the material got lost a little bit and currying favor became part of the effort too. I also didn't want to be one of those students that are constantly hassling or appearing to be ass kissers, so I never quibbled over points lost for something I wasn't sure how I could improve the next time around.

Of course, the prereqs I'm taking now are science courses, and they all have right/wrong answers, and I have my BA and master's in the humanities. I'm about to start taking them full-time at the local college, but I want to make sure that I don't get trapped in that emotional distraction of trying to make sure the prof likes me and feeling distracted by the prof instead of trying to completely conquer the material. How do I do this?

posted by anonymous to Education (8 answers total)

Well I guess one obvious point is that this is not an either/or problem. Part of what makes a professor a professor is the fact that their critical evaluation of your work is considered a useful measure of whether you are "conquering" the material. Now if you have alternative/higher standards that you think should be satisfied, then you're going to need additional internal motivation, but I suspect that acing your classes and making your professors happy is a pretty good start to achieving those standards. In other words, I fail to envision scenarios (particularly in the sciences) where your motivation to please your professors will be a disservice to your education, at least at that time. Perhaps later on in your career when there are no professors to please, you would benefit from a more grounded source of inspiration and motivation, but for school, I just don't see a big problem here.
posted by drpynchon at 1:30 PM on February 22, 2010

If you're taking engaging, challenging courses, you probably won't have time to 'flirt' with your professors. I really think this is a problem that will take care of itself. Especially since you're so aware and on top of it.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:30 PM on February 22, 2010

Wouldn't the professor likely think better of you if you had to work hard to do well? If the professor thought you were skating by and getting A's without working hard, perhaps s/he might start to worry about not doing the job well, because part of the job is to challenge students, I'd think. The class might be mostly a waste of time if you didn't have to work hard.
posted by citron at 1:37 PM on February 22, 2010

Professors generally have a keen sense of when they are being kissed up to, even if they only sometimes reveal that they know. For me, a student who has clearly mastered the material stands out much more than a charming student who doesn't work hard. I have often said over lunch with colleagues "Yeah, nice guy, but he's not a reliable worker" or even "I really like her--it pained me to fail her, but you can't argue with the numbers she earned."

Of course, there are oblivious professors too, and those that are blinded by flattery. I think it's safer, however, to begin with the assumption that we can see through efforts to charm us. Genuine enthusiasm for the topic, and solid study habits, however, can go far.

Another reason not to fall into the emotional distraction of making sure the prof likes you is that their attention is so divided between the material, the pressure to publish, department politics, family concerns, and the fact that they have lots of students to manage. One could erroneously come to the conclusion that he or she doesn't like you, when the truth is that, unfortunately, you're not fully on their radar screen.
posted by umbú at 1:46 PM on February 22, 2010

Speaking as a professor, what I want from my students is to: show up to class on time, participate reasonably, get the work in on time, do revisions that show that my comments were read and understood, be reasonably pleasant, and do well in the class. Basically, I want my students to earn my respect rather than my affection. If a student does all that, and we have some other connection, we may possibly become "friendly" in the sense that we will stop and chat when we run into each other on campus. This is more or less organic; students who try to "make me like them" generally just annoy me, which does neither of us any good. Students who do the work well while remaining indifferent (or even mildly hostile) to my charming personality do better in the long run.

My advice: Do the best work that you can and turn it in on time. Do not make excuses, Comment in class when appropriate. Ask the professor questions when necessary. Be as pleasant as you can, but don't try and force it. Most, if not all, of your professors will respond as well as you need to this kind of treatment. The professor is not there to be your friend; the professor is there to evaluate your work. Politeness and friendliness are good social lubricants, but the work (yours and the professors) is the machine.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:29 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Have you thought about why you need to curry favor with your professors? Does this happen with other authority figures as well?
posted by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on February 22, 2010

You might use the fact that it's a professional program to help you rethink your entire approach to the educational process.

You have a business relationship with the school -- and thus indirectly with the professor -- in which you give them money in return for training and certification. In short these professors are working directly with you at the behest of their employer, and it is inappropriate for you to be pushing the school's employees to violate their contracts with favoritism.

*You* have the power in this particular teacher/student relationship. Try not to abuse it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:30 PM on February 22, 2010

One thing that may help you is if you realize that the average professor will interact with literally thousand of students through their career. As a professor myself, I can say that I rarely remember what grade a particular student earned a few weeks after the class ends. Also, as a science professor, I can tell you that flirting (platonic or not) will have next to zero influence on your grade, since the questions are mostly going to be of the right-or-wrong type.

I'll give you the advice I give all my students:

You are capable of learning and understanding this material. When you have studied the material to the point that you are confident you can ace a test, you will do well. And no flirting needed.
posted by achmorrison at 4:30 PM on February 25, 2010