It's not a Banjo, but...
February 22, 2010 10:33 AM Subscribe
I want to send a romantic interest some flowers, but I don't know their address. I am friends with them on Facebook, I have their cell number, I don't know any of their friends, and I want it to be a surprise. Would anyone have any suggestions on how I should proceed?
Right now I'm thinking the only routes I have are: looking it up in the phone book, calling them up and asking for it for something (I don't know a good reason), or asking one of their friends that I don't know.
We're past "friends with benefits" and I obviously wanted more, we haven't seen or chatted since we both graduated from college a few months ago and I just can't get this person off my mind.
So my secondary question is: should I even go to the effort of sending them something? They are also living with their parents, would that be kind of awkward?
Also please forgive me banjo man.
email: WowCashback@gmail.com
Right now I'm thinking the only routes I have are: looking it up in the phone book, calling them up and asking for it for something (I don't know a good reason), or asking one of their friends that I don't know.
We're past "friends with benefits" and I obviously wanted more, we haven't seen or chatted since we both graduated from college a few months ago and I just can't get this person off my mind.
So my secondary question is: should I even go to the effort of sending them something? They are also living with their parents, would that be kind of awkward?
Also please forgive me banjo man.
email: WowCashback@gmail.com
Don't do it. If you can't get her off your mind and want to give it another shot, then call or email her. If she doesn't want to chat with you, then you have no business sending flowers, and if she does then you'll get right down to the actual relationship (whatever that turns out to be) without a making a big and possibly unwanted gesture.
posted by moxiedoll at 10:37 AM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by moxiedoll at 10:37 AM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
Why don't you call them, not because you want their address, but because you haven't talked to them in several months and talking to people is always, without question, the best way to interact with someone. Call, ask to coffee/dinner. Infinitely better option than sending flowers, especially to where their parents live which, depending on their parents, could make them horribly embarrassed and having to deal with that. Call. Talk. Date. Later, after a date, you could send flowers, and it wouldn't be weirdly from someone they hadn't talked to in several months.
posted by brainmouse at 10:37 AM on February 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by brainmouse at 10:37 AM on February 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
I would be incredibly freaked out if someone I was dating and to whom I hadn't given my address tracked it down on his own to send me a gift. It wouldn't be awkward so much as frightening.
posted by decathecting at 10:38 AM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by decathecting at 10:38 AM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]
...but it may as well be a banjo. I don't think there's any way to do this without inspiring a pile of 'How did he get my address?' heebie-jeebies. More current contact is needed before you get to flower-sending territory. Yes re possible discomfort with the parents.
posted by kmennie at 10:39 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by kmennie at 10:39 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Nthing don't do this. If you don't know someone well enough to ask for their address, you don't know them well enough to send them flowers. All creepiness aside, they (or someone they live with) may have an allergy or something similar, and that would be awkward for everyone. (Spoken as a person with a coworker with some fairly severe allergies --we never have flowers at events.)
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:42 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:42 AM on February 22, 2010
Oh, whoops, anonymous. Okay, well, if you want to find their address, two ways to do that which don't involve asking mutual acquaintances are personal-record search engines like Zabasearch and college student/alumni publications.
But I agree with everybody else--sending flowers doesn't seem like a good approach.
posted by box at 10:43 AM on February 22, 2010
But I agree with everybody else--sending flowers doesn't seem like a good approach.
posted by box at 10:43 AM on February 22, 2010
People can give their address in their Facebook profile. Either she choose to leave it blank, or she filled it out but blocked you from seeing it. Don't you think there's a reason for that?
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:44 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:44 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh, whoops, anonymous.
With an email address if you really want to ask him a question.
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:44 AM on February 22, 2010
With an email address if you really want to ask him a question.
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:44 AM on February 22, 2010
Whether or not you ought to do this, the phone book is still perfectly useful, thank you. Look up this person's parents.
posted by valkyryn at 10:52 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by valkyryn at 10:52 AM on February 22, 2010
If you want more, the way to do it is to call him/her up and ask how they're doing and if they want to get coffee.
It may be scary, but you're going to have to do this step whether or not you send flowers - receiving flowers from an old flame won't make that person do the work of asking you out.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:54 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
It may be scary, but you're going to have to do this step whether or not you send flowers - receiving flowers from an old flame won't make that person do the work of asking you out.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:54 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
If the question is "how do I find their address", the answer is: The phonebook, or google, just like everybody else does it. Home addresses aren't generally private unless specifically requested.
If the question is "should I send them flowers?", the answer is: Probably not. Anonymous gifts are kinda weird, even if it's a little more low-key than a banjo.
posted by Think_Long at 10:55 AM on February 22, 2010
If the question is "should I send them flowers?", the answer is: Probably not. Anonymous gifts are kinda weird, even if it's a little more low-key than a banjo.
posted by Think_Long at 10:55 AM on February 22, 2010
Look up her parents name on the county tax assessors website. If the house isn't held in trust, it's probably pretty easy.
posted by yoyoceramic at 10:59 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by yoyoceramic at 10:59 AM on February 22, 2010
For example,
http://redrock.co.clark.nv.us/assrrealprop/ownr.aspx is where you go if you want to look up anyone's address/owner information for Clark County, Nevada.
posted by yoyoceramic at 11:01 AM on February 22, 2010
http://redrock.co.clark.nv.us/assrrealprop/ownr.aspx is where you go if you want to look up anyone's address/owner information for Clark County, Nevada.
posted by yoyoceramic at 11:01 AM on February 22, 2010
As to your secondary question:
Whether you're male or female, if you've already made it clear that you wanted more, and the other person didn't, sending a gift is pretty pushy. Even calling or sending email about it is a little pushy. If this person has said no to you, can you see how persisting with a gift violates the boundaries they have set? Not to mention finding out information about them that they haven't given you.
If you haven't made it clear that you wanted more and haven't explicitly been turned down, then I agree with moxiedoll that you should try a phone call or an email, not this. Maybe flowers (not a bajillion of them) would be okay if you already knew this person's address, but since you don't it really is a little stalky. I'd be weirded out even if I were really into the person. Guys may be less weirded out by stalky actions (or they may not, I really don't know) so if the object of your affection is a guy, you might want to put more stock in what the guys here are saying that what I'm saying.
posted by Ashley801 at 11:11 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Whether you're male or female, if you've already made it clear that you wanted more, and the other person didn't, sending a gift is pretty pushy. Even calling or sending email about it is a little pushy. If this person has said no to you, can you see how persisting with a gift violates the boundaries they have set? Not to mention finding out information about them that they haven't given you.
If you haven't made it clear that you wanted more and haven't explicitly been turned down, then I agree with moxiedoll that you should try a phone call or an email, not this. Maybe flowers (not a bajillion of them) would be okay if you already knew this person's address, but since you don't it really is a little stalky. I'd be weirded out even if I were really into the person. Guys may be less weirded out by stalky actions (or they may not, I really don't know) so if the object of your affection is a guy, you might want to put more stock in what the guys here are saying that what I'm saying.
posted by Ashley801 at 11:11 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Please, learn from my mistakes. It doesn't matter how small and innocent flowers seem, this will end badly (your crush will be freaked out/annoyed, you will be broken-hearted).
posted by anaelith at 11:46 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by anaelith at 11:46 AM on February 22, 2010
You can send a Facebook friend a real gift without knowing their address. There was an article on it in Time a couple of weeks ago.
posted by IanMorr at 11:52 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by IanMorr at 11:52 AM on February 22, 2010
Past friends with benefits -- and friends no longer -- are not romantic interests.
You say you obviously wanted more; so you've clearly been rejected, whether directly or passively. The person you're lusting after made the mistake of letting you down softly. Whatever you two once shared is clearly over.
Should you require any further deterrent, consider how this person might view the individual who has secretly acquired their home address. Since they no longer require the convenience of a past friend with benefits, and you haven't spoken in some time, he or she may well have formed a real relationship with someone else -- whether Facebook says so or not. You'll be seen as desperate at best; a stalker at worst. Restraining orders may follow.
Time to move on.
A banjo by any other name...
posted by xndr at 11:53 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
You say you obviously wanted more; so you've clearly been rejected, whether directly or passively. The person you're lusting after made the mistake of letting you down softly. Whatever you two once shared is clearly over.
Should you require any further deterrent, consider how this person might view the individual who has secretly acquired their home address. Since they no longer require the convenience of a past friend with benefits, and you haven't spoken in some time, he or she may well have formed a real relationship with someone else -- whether Facebook says so or not. You'll be seen as desperate at best; a stalker at worst. Restraining orders may follow.
Time to move on.
A banjo by any other name...
posted by xndr at 11:53 AM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh, and for your secondary question. Go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
posted by IanMorr at 11:54 AM on February 22, 2010
posted by IanMorr at 11:54 AM on February 22, 2010
Holy cow, seconding decathecting. You were only friends with benefits, not dating - and you don't even know where they live. Now months later you want to send flowers to their parents house? Oh, honey. no.
Too much time passed, too much awkwardness. You haven't stayed in touch - they could be in a new relationship by now. If you want to give flowers, see if they're available/interested in seeing you, ask them on a date and bring then bring them flowers in person.
Hope this works out for you!
posted by Space Kitty at 11:57 AM on February 22, 2010
Too much time passed, too much awkwardness. You haven't stayed in touch - they could be in a new relationship by now. If you want to give flowers, see if they're available/interested in seeing you, ask them on a date and bring then bring them flowers in person.
Hope this works out for you!
posted by Space Kitty at 11:57 AM on February 22, 2010
Agree with the coffee idea. Actually, living with one's family often makes the thought of getting out with someone even more delightful.
Also, agree when you call, you should be able to tell by the response if you should go forward or move on.
When you call act like an old friend who just wants to say hello. That should also give a little space to open the door again. Good luck!
posted by srbrunson at 11:59 AM on February 22, 2010
Also, agree when you call, you should be able to tell by the response if you should go forward or move on.
When you call act like an old friend who just wants to say hello. That should also give a little space to open the door again. Good luck!
posted by srbrunson at 11:59 AM on February 22, 2010
Let me advise you, as someone who works for a florist AND who had a family member get unexpected flowers just this way:
Don't. At least not yet.
There is nothing more embarrassing than having one's flowers rejected (and yes, this happens. More than once.) OR freaking out the recipient a bit(which happened in the family member's case. She thought it was sweet but was frankly a bit creeped about how on earth the address was unearthed.)
As much as I am pro-sending people flowers for anything and everything, this is NOT REALLY A GOOD IDEA.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:12 PM on February 22, 2010
Don't. At least not yet.
There is nothing more embarrassing than having one's flowers rejected (and yes, this happens. More than once.) OR freaking out the recipient a bit(which happened in the family member's case. She thought it was sweet but was frankly a bit creeped about how on earth the address was unearthed.)
As much as I am pro-sending people flowers for anything and everything, this is NOT REALLY A GOOD IDEA.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:12 PM on February 22, 2010
Why not call/email and say 'I'd like to send you a gift, if you feel comfortable sharing your address with me.' This way, if she's into you, she can say 'Ooo! Exciting!' or 'Um, no thanks.' Then you know, without dropping the $$ on the flowers, how she's going to react to them.
posted by kidsleepy at 12:57 PM on February 22, 2010
posted by kidsleepy at 12:57 PM on February 22, 2010
Speaking as someone who, while still living with my parents, once received unexpected flowers from someone with a crush on me, please don't do this. When I got my flowers, they came anonymously, which kinda sorta freaked out my parents. I had a suspicion who they were from, but it was just...awkward. Major conflicting feelings of "Oh, flowers! I like flowers, but wait....who the hell would send me flowers? I don't think I gave anyone my address....Okay, flowers not so sweet anymore. This is really kinda creepy...Crap, they're probably from him...Oh, please, oh, please, all-powerful gods of "It's Complicated", don't let my parents start asking too many questions!" *BOOMHEADGOASPLODE*
posted by Diagonalize at 1:35 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Diagonalize at 1:35 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Flowers are sex organs.
If your romantic interest doesn't want to see yours, they don't want flowers, either. This is pretty banjo.
posted by Sallyfur at 10:40 PM on February 23, 2010
If your romantic interest doesn't want to see yours, they don't want flowers, either. This is pretty banjo.
posted by Sallyfur at 10:40 PM on February 23, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by box at 10:37 AM on February 22, 2010