Should I cancel the trip or miss the funeral?
February 22, 2010 10:02 AM Subscribe
Should I go home for my friend's mom's funeral? More details inside.
posted by CharlieSue to human relations (14 answers total)
One of my best friends' mother passed away this past Friday. She had been sick for several years, so though the death was not totally unexpected, it still came as a bit of a shock. I knew her mother, though not well. My friend and I are in our early/mid 20s. Her funeral is this Friday, back in my hometown (c. 500 miles from where I live now). There is no wake, but instead a reception to follow the funeral.
Here is the problem: I have a vacation which I have been planning for months (which my friend has been involved with, giving me tips, etc) which I am supposed to leave from on Friday, from where I currently live. I can't change the flights to either leave later or leave from my hometown - I called and tried everything I could, but they basically told me my options were either to go, or not go, but that I would be charged the total fee (c. $2000) either way.
What should I do? I was thinking about flying down on Thursday, seeing if I could see her and her family for a few minutes Thursday night, even if it was just to hug her and tell her I love her and that I'm thinking about her, and then fly back up here Friday morning before my flight Friday evening. But I don't know if it would be a bother to her - I don't want to make her feel like she has to see me just because I came all the way home.
Questions: Should I just cancel the trip, and call it as a loss? Should I go down Thursday and be there for her if she needs me? Should I call her and tell her I'm sorry I can't make it, and that I'll try to come visit her soon? Have you lost a parent? What would you want/ expect in this situation?
I know I should talk to her about it, but I don't want to put undo pressure on her - I am not asking her to make this decision for me, because I know that she would just tell me not to come, and not to worry about it.