How do I handle my family/personal situation?
February 22, 2010 9:34 AM Subscribe
Playing Driving Miss Daisy with my mom for the past 4 years, and I'm now 23. It's time for me to move on, but how, when communication is dry? Details inside.
posted by Giggilituffin to human relations (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I apologize for the length.
My mother depended on my father for driving until his death in 2006, shortly after I graduated high school. I stayed in town to support her and my siblings while attending community college and working part-time. Since then I've been driving her, my siblings- who are now in middle and high school- and myself everywhere.
Needless to say, managing 5 schedules, and new man-of-the house responsibilities took it's toll and I have 9 credit hours and 4 academic suspensions to my name at 2 different colleges. Therapy helped somewhat- I stopped going to any useful sessions months ago. I haven't been to school in over a year, thankfully, and I recently got a management position in a retail chain (nothing prestigious, but it is what it is). I'm ready to move on.
My mother has had her license and lessons, but wont drive. We only have one car. She wont let me know my financial situation, and it's been like this for too long. It's not like my mom is stupid, she has a Master's and just landed a management position where she works as well.
Extended family isn't in the picture. For all intents and purposes, we have no extended family. I am the oldest of 4 children. I've held AT LEAST one part-time job at a time since age 16, and by my calculations should have at the very least $5k in a savings account, if not $18k, but recently found out I have much less than $1k.
To make things worse, it's a savings account that my mother controls- it is under my name, but only my mother can touch it. Money is taboo, and no matter how I try to confront my mother, she waves it off. Intervention with a family friend months ago resulted in nothing. I don't necessarily think she's being vindictive, but I'm 23 and this is LONG overdue. I feel like my mother still treats my like a child, when I'm not. If I walk away from her in a heated disagreement, she calls the police. It's happened twice, though not recently. I'm not crazy, not depressed, and not violent towards anyone. She's the type to over-react to EVERYTHING.
How do I approach this whole situation without feeling like I'm abandoning my family?