Do I tell her she's not a bridesmaid or just forget it ever happened?
February 14, 2010 10:11 AM Subscribe
Should I tell her she's not a bridesmaid anymore or just keep my mouth shut?
posted by kthxbi to human relations (35 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I used to live with A and K. A knew she was going to be my maid of honor before I even got engaged because we're just that close (and the engagement was coming ... it was a mutual thing). When I finally told the two of them I was officially engaged and showed them the ring, A got all excited (like any girl would) and started talking about how she was so excited to be my maid of honor in front of K. K says "what about me?!". I (stupidly) say "you want to be a bridesmaid too?" ... "YEAH!!!" ... "uh, ok". That was where it was left. This was last October and I moved out of the house we shared in December.
Fast-forward to a week or so ago. SO and I finally pick a wedding date and tell a bunch of close friends to "save the date". A mutual friend of A, K, and I, tells me that A and K are saying things amongst themselves like A:"Oh I'm probably not in the wedding anymore", K:"Yeah I'm sure I'm not, I'm probably not even invited". Apparently these ridiculous comments stem from the fact that I moved away (to live with my new fiancee in a new state). I call A to assure her of course I still want her to be my MoH.
Here's where it gets tricky. To be perfectly honest, I never wanted K as a bridesmaid to begin with. We're just not that close. Compound that with the fact that SO and I have more girl friends than guy friends and I'm finding myself having to limit the bridesmaids out of a severe lack of groomsmen. I *know* I'm not going to have K in my wedding, but my question is - should I somehow bring it up with her? SO thinks I should just pretend like we never talked about it, invite her to the wedding as just a normal guest, and get on with my life. The tricky part is, A and K are still living together and will be until the wedding (a little over a year from now).
I personally feel horribly guilty about this and it's been hard for me to take a firm "this is my wedding and it needs to be how I want it" stand. What do I do with K?