Is it worth crossing an ocean just to say goodbye?
February 11, 2010 2:59 PM Subscribe
Relationshipfilter. My long-distance boyfriend broke up with me earlier this week. I'm supposed to be flying out to see him at the end of the month. Should I still use them, or swallow the loss and move on?
posted by fight or flight to human relations (49 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Background: he's 22, I'm 21. He lives in Kansas and I'm in the UK. We met at university and we've been dating for a year. He was my first proper boyfriend and the best thing to happen to me in a long time. We talked about a future together, and we both said the L word. Until this week, I thought it was going great.
On Tuesday night, after a few days of We Need To Talk and going back and forth about whether or not he loves me enough to continue, he finished it over Skype. He doesn't feel like he loves me "in the right way" to keep a relationship going, and thinks that I deserve better than a guy who doesn't feel what he's supposed to feel (possibly relevant note: he was diagnosed with clinical depression when he was a teenager, and is currently taking Effexor to combat this. He's also swamped with work and preparation for grad school). To say the least, I was absolutely devastated. I still am. But I am willing to accept that this is what he wants and support his need to move on.
However, before it all collapsed, I blew £500 on non-refundable plane tickets to Kansas (I know, I know, but how was I to know this was going to happen?). I was supposed to stay with him all the way until May, so I could see him graduate and we could spend some significant time together. I miss him so much and all I want is to see him again, but (so far as I know) he doesn't want me to come visit if it means that we'll both end up hurting each other more. However, he has expressed a desire to see me again, if possible. I'd ask him for money towards the tickets, but he can barely afford to keep himself right now. My mother has also offered to pay for a ticket home to the UK at any point, should I need it, so I can stay for as much or as little time as I want.
I've read through a few other AskMe questions relating to similar issues, and the advice seems to be that closure is important when relationships come to an end. I don't have any relationship experience beyond this one, so I would like to know if the hivemind thinks it's worth trying to convince him that I need to see him one last time, or whether I should just take the hit to my bank account and try to move on alone.