Help for a kid who makes stuff up all the time
February 9, 2010 9:15 AM Subscribe
Dealing with a child who consistently lies, brags, and bullshits.
My best friends have a son who is 9 years old, almost 10. He tends to be anxious, and is in therapy for it; his social skills are not great, and he's in a social skills group to help him with that. He has had evaluations and his mothers were told, IIRC, that he had "things in common" with kids on the autism spectrum, without rising to a diagnosis. Right now, he spends two days a week with me and my kids.
I am not sure there's a short version of this but I'll try. I'll at least try to be clear and organized, if I can't be brief.
In conversation, he constantly does things like this:
1. Offer answers to things he knows nothing about.
Example: yesterday my 5yo asked me if he liked the cookies I was baking. I said, "I don't remember." and the 9yo said, "You've never had them before," which is not true, but also weirdly completely outside his experience. I don't have any idea why he would feel the need to say that.
Another example: When I was driving him home, I commented that I had figured out how to find his small, rural dirt road in the dark: I noticed that a pole right near his street has a green light on it. He said, "Oh, they just put that up, that's new, so people can find the road." I have no idea what the light is for (it's on a utility pole) but it's clearly not that.
2. Go on at length about stuff as if he knows what he's talking about, but he is often (usually?) wrong and clearly making stuff up.
Again, yesterday, he and my two boys and I were messing around with a Lego Education gear set, and the boys were pretty excited to realize why the back wheels of their bikes go faster than they're pedaling. The 9yo said, "Oh, this is how cars work too," and then went into a lengthy, made-up, and wrong explanation of car innards. He will also do things like give made-up information to my sons about video games I know he hasn't played, for instance.
This can get tiresome for both adults and children dealing with him, and I have been with him when his tendency to go on and on and on was clearly alienating kids we were with.
I asked his moms how they wanted me to handle this, and while they have some strategies, they're at a loss about changing the behavior in the long term. Some responses they and I have tried:
1. Asking him, "How do you know that? Where did you learn it?" or "Is that something you know, or just something you think might be true?" To his parents, he will fess up. To me, asked a question like that, he will dig in and insist he knows what he's talking about and is right.
2. Suggesting that we look stuff up. Yesterday I said, "Hmmm, I'm not sure that's how cars really work. I'll see if I can find a diagram for us to look at next time you're here." This worked pretty well, in that he subsided.
3. Trying to shift him back to the topic at hand. Not always successful. Once when he was going on in too much detail about a video game to a group of kids we were with who had not played the game, I said, "I think it's time to change the subject; since the other kids haven't played that game, they might like to talk about something else," and he immediately said, "Oh, yeah, you can't talk too much, you can't go on in too much detail because people don't like it," and continued in that vein for 5 minutes! (In that situation, it seemed like he was talking nervously because we were with a couple of kids he hadn't met before, a little different from the BS-ing we see more often.)
4. Gently correcting him. Last night, I said, "It's not a marker for the road, or all the little country roads would have them. I don't know what it's for; it's on a utility pole but I don't know why that pole would have a light on it when others don't." He responded to this by coming up with another made-up answer about power lines and what the green lights mean. Sometimes if you correct him, he will say, "yeah, yeah, it's [whatever you just said]," without acknowledging that he was claiming something different 10 seconds ago.
He is a very sensitive kid who wilts when criticized, so we don't want to be snappy with him. At the same time, this behavior gets tiring for those of us who are with him, and there's also a concern that it will impact potential friendships.
So, my questions:
1. I don't understand the root of this behavior, overall. It's so constant, and often requires him to inject himself into conversations he wasn't previously a part of. I did some of this kind of thing as a kid, but honestly don't remember why, if I ever knew, and not to this extent. I'd be curious to hear thoughts about this. It might help with strategizing reactions to better understand his motivations.
2. We'd also like ideas about how to respond, both in the moment and for improving the behavior long-term. I asked both his moms about this, and one said, "Frankly, we're at a loss, too. Maybe a question for MetaFilter?" So here I am. If you have successful experience dealing with this kind of thing, we'd love to hear it.
My best friends have a son who is 9 years old, almost 10. He tends to be anxious, and is in therapy for it; his social skills are not great, and he's in a social skills group to help him with that. He has had evaluations and his mothers were told, IIRC, that he had "things in common" with kids on the autism spectrum, without rising to a diagnosis. Right now, he spends two days a week with me and my kids.
I am not sure there's a short version of this but I'll try. I'll at least try to be clear and organized, if I can't be brief.
In conversation, he constantly does things like this:
1. Offer answers to things he knows nothing about.
Example: yesterday my 5yo asked me if he liked the cookies I was baking. I said, "I don't remember." and the 9yo said, "You've never had them before," which is not true, but also weirdly completely outside his experience. I don't have any idea why he would feel the need to say that.
Another example: When I was driving him home, I commented that I had figured out how to find his small, rural dirt road in the dark: I noticed that a pole right near his street has a green light on it. He said, "Oh, they just put that up, that's new, so people can find the road." I have no idea what the light is for (it's on a utility pole) but it's clearly not that.
2. Go on at length about stuff as if he knows what he's talking about, but he is often (usually?) wrong and clearly making stuff up.
Again, yesterday, he and my two boys and I were messing around with a Lego Education gear set, and the boys were pretty excited to realize why the back wheels of their bikes go faster than they're pedaling. The 9yo said, "Oh, this is how cars work too," and then went into a lengthy, made-up, and wrong explanation of car innards. He will also do things like give made-up information to my sons about video games I know he hasn't played, for instance.
This can get tiresome for both adults and children dealing with him, and I have been with him when his tendency to go on and on and on was clearly alienating kids we were with.
I asked his moms how they wanted me to handle this, and while they have some strategies, they're at a loss about changing the behavior in the long term. Some responses they and I have tried:
1. Asking him, "How do you know that? Where did you learn it?" or "Is that something you know, or just something you think might be true?" To his parents, he will fess up. To me, asked a question like that, he will dig in and insist he knows what he's talking about and is right.
2. Suggesting that we look stuff up. Yesterday I said, "Hmmm, I'm not sure that's how cars really work. I'll see if I can find a diagram for us to look at next time you're here." This worked pretty well, in that he subsided.
3. Trying to shift him back to the topic at hand. Not always successful. Once when he was going on in too much detail about a video game to a group of kids we were with who had not played the game, I said, "I think it's time to change the subject; since the other kids haven't played that game, they might like to talk about something else," and he immediately said, "Oh, yeah, you can't talk too much, you can't go on in too much detail because people don't like it," and continued in that vein for 5 minutes! (In that situation, it seemed like he was talking nervously because we were with a couple of kids he hadn't met before, a little different from the BS-ing we see more often.)
4. Gently correcting him. Last night, I said, "It's not a marker for the road, or all the little country roads would have them. I don't know what it's for; it's on a utility pole but I don't know why that pole would have a light on it when others don't." He responded to this by coming up with another made-up answer about power lines and what the green lights mean. Sometimes if you correct him, he will say, "yeah, yeah, it's [whatever you just said]," without acknowledging that he was claiming something different 10 seconds ago.
He is a very sensitive kid who wilts when criticized, so we don't want to be snappy with him. At the same time, this behavior gets tiring for those of us who are with him, and there's also a concern that it will impact potential friendships.
So, my questions:
1. I don't understand the root of this behavior, overall. It's so constant, and often requires him to inject himself into conversations he wasn't previously a part of. I did some of this kind of thing as a kid, but honestly don't remember why, if I ever knew, and not to this extent. I'd be curious to hear thoughts about this. It might help with strategizing reactions to better understand his motivations.
2. We'd also like ideas about how to respond, both in the moment and for improving the behavior long-term. I asked both his moms about this, and one said, "Frankly, we're at a loss, too. Maybe a question for MetaFilter?" So here I am. If you have successful experience dealing with this kind of thing, we'd love to hear it.
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- jessamyn
I was like this as a child: a know it all (even though I was actually a know nothing), and a storyteller.
The root of that kind of behavior in me was twofold: I had low self esteem and wanted attention, and the stories I made up were just so much more interesting than actual life (even if they were little stories about how something worked or whether or not I brushed my teeth). People rarely called me on it, and even though I felt compelled to do it, I was constantly afraid that I'd be found out and I felt like a phony.
I eventually grew out of it—but not until high school, really (though I still occasionally find myself embellishing a story because, well, it just sounds better than what actually happened). I remember two things that happened that made me finally stop:
1. When an older girl at my school told me, "You don't have to be able to explain everything. You don't have to know everything. It's not a contest." She meant it meanly, but it was actually a very positive revelation for me. (I'd thank her for it if I could.)
2. My parents encouraged me to write, read my stories, and praised them. From then on, I shifted my storytelling to the page, where I could make things up without worrying I'd be called a phony, because in fiction, making things up is the point.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:25 AM on February 9, 2010 [13 favorites]
The root of that kind of behavior in me was twofold: I had low self esteem and wanted attention, and the stories I made up were just so much more interesting than actual life (even if they were little stories about how something worked or whether or not I brushed my teeth). People rarely called me on it, and even though I felt compelled to do it, I was constantly afraid that I'd be found out and I felt like a phony.
I eventually grew out of it—but not until high school, really (though I still occasionally find myself embellishing a story because, well, it just sounds better than what actually happened). I remember two things that happened that made me finally stop:
1. When an older girl at my school told me, "You don't have to be able to explain everything. You don't have to know everything. It's not a contest." She meant it meanly, but it was actually a very positive revelation for me. (I'd thank her for it if I could.)
2. My parents encouraged me to write, read my stories, and praised them. From then on, I shifted my storytelling to the page, where I could make things up without worrying I'd be called a phony, because in fiction, making things up is the point.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:25 AM on February 9, 2010 [13 favorites]
To make those more concrete things that you might be able to try: let him off the hook for feeling like he has to know everything (explain that while knowledge is good, complete knowledge is impossible), and give him an outlet for his storytelling that is paid attention.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:29 AM on February 9, 2010
posted by ocherdraco at 9:29 AM on February 9, 2010
Engaging the kid to get him to think creatively about these things he's talking about might be effective. Instead of framing his explanations for things as strictly right or wrong, what about teaching him to treat these things as creative problems to figure out?
For instance, regarding the light on the pole:
4. Gently correcting him. Last night, I said, "It's not a marker for the road, or all the little country roads would have them. I don't know what it's for; it's on a utility pole but I don't know why that pole would have a light on it when others don't."
You could say: "That's a good theory, but then why don't all the country roads have that light? I don't know what the light is for, but let's try to think of reasons it might be there."
To me, the first way simply says, "you are wrong." The second way says, "you're probably wrong, but at least you're thinking, and it's important that you think about things you don't understand."
posted by phunniemee at 9:29 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
For instance, regarding the light on the pole:
4. Gently correcting him. Last night, I said, "It's not a marker for the road, or all the little country roads would have them. I don't know what it's for; it's on a utility pole but I don't know why that pole would have a light on it when others don't."
You could say: "That's a good theory, but then why don't all the country roads have that light? I don't know what the light is for, but let's try to think of reasons it might be there."
To me, the first way simply says, "you are wrong." The second way says, "you're probably wrong, but at least you're thinking, and it's important that you think about things you don't understand."
posted by phunniemee at 9:29 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
Like ocherdraco, I was like this as a kid, and think it was really a combination of low self-esteem, attention-seeking, and a desire to escape reality (I was The Weird Kid in school, everyone picked on me, and things weren't awesome at home). I grew out of it when I was a preteen, probably once I started having opportunities to socialize with kids who weren't the same ones who always picked on me.
I think I did this because I craved attention from adults since I wasn't getting any good attention from my peers, and I was lonely and had no one to talk to or play with. So when I had a captive audience, I would just run my mouth as a know-it-all, making things up and saying whatever came to mind. Does this kid have any real friends, or is he an outcast at school? If he is, maybe he needs to be given opportunities to meet OTHER kids that don't go to his school, whether it's karate lessons or summer camp or something.
posted by tastybrains at 9:31 AM on February 9, 2010
I think I did this because I craved attention from adults since I wasn't getting any good attention from my peers, and I was lonely and had no one to talk to or play with. So when I had a captive audience, I would just run my mouth as a know-it-all, making things up and saying whatever came to mind. Does this kid have any real friends, or is he an outcast at school? If he is, maybe he needs to be given opportunities to meet OTHER kids that don't go to his school, whether it's karate lessons or summer camp or something.
posted by tastybrains at 9:31 AM on February 9, 2010
He seems like a very creative, intuitive kid who makes up stories. Sounds normal, at least based on the examples you gave. Adults who don't get sensitive, creative children tend to squash them by showing/telling the truth of "how things really are." Little do they realize it's the adults perspective that's actually the issue. I don't know if that's the case, and I don't mean any disrespect to you. Just an educated opinion I wanted to offer.
Autistic kids are very withdrawn, don't like to be social or engage much, which isn't how you describe him. Both kids and adults can have quite odd behavior when they unknowingly eat foods they are allergic too and/or processed foods. I would evaluate his diet, increase the amount of whole, healthy food the kid is eating, and cut out any potential allergens. Even if he's not allergic, he'll be healthier, and it's still a win win. Most common allergens include soy, dairy, and gluten. Here's a site with more on that.
You might also want to check out
The Highly Sensitive Person
Highly Sensitive Souls
Crystal & Indigo children
posted by healthyliving at 9:39 AM on February 9, 2010
Autistic kids are very withdrawn, don't like to be social or engage much, which isn't how you describe him. Both kids and adults can have quite odd behavior when they unknowingly eat foods they are allergic too and/or processed foods. I would evaluate his diet, increase the amount of whole, healthy food the kid is eating, and cut out any potential allergens. Even if he's not allergic, he'll be healthier, and it's still a win win. Most common allergens include soy, dairy, and gluten. Here's a site with more on that.
You might also want to check out
The Highly Sensitive Person
Highly Sensitive Souls
Crystal & Indigo children
posted by healthyliving at 9:39 AM on February 9, 2010
Response by poster: He seems like a very creative, intuitive kid who makes up stories. Sounds normal, at least based on the examples you gave.
To be clear, the behavior itself may be something normal that many kids engage in. The extent to which he does it is not normal; in my experience with him it is a constant feature of almost every conversation.
posted by not that girl at 9:44 AM on February 9, 2010
To be clear, the behavior itself may be something normal that many kids engage in. The extent to which he does it is not normal; in my experience with him it is a constant feature of almost every conversation.
posted by not that girl at 9:44 AM on February 9, 2010
I was like this too as a child and I know now, after years of therapy, that it was my way of coping with my abusive and excruciatingly lonely home life. Lying allowed me to escape my bleak reality, creating a world in which I wasn't just a helpless little kid getting abused by my parents and unable to escape. Being a know-it-all boosted this illusion by endowing me with worldly knowledge I couldn't possibly possess. Also, I really did know a lot because I read voraciously (one of the few escapist activities that my parents would tolerate) and had a good memory. But I definitely made things up and had a tendency to "know" (not know but pretend to know) about pretty much everything--especially if I was trying to impress an adult. And with narcissistic, impossible-to-please parents who never approved of me no matter what I did, I was always trying to impress adults.
Also, a house in which honesty isn't tolerated or encouraged can create a child who lies compulsively. If telling the truth is always punishable, or if a child's real emotions--negative and positive--aren't accepted and allowed to be discussed, lying becomes not just a hobby but a true means of survival. This might not apply to the family in question, but it's worth throwing out there.
Sounds like this kid doesn't like himself very much, and isn't getting the kind of attention he needs. I'm not saying his parents are abusive--though they very well could be, and verbal and emotional abuse are (in my estimation) far more damaging than physical abuse and nearly impossible to prove--but something's going on there. Try not to shame him for this behavior; believe me, he knows what he's doing and probably feels compelled to do it even though he hates it. He digs in defensively because he's desperate to keep you thinking highly of him and he's too young to fully realize that his behavior is having the opposite effect.
It's good you can openly talk to his folks about this, but try not to hold it against him too much. Lying in children is almost always a defense mechanism and usually a sure sign of low self-esteem. The best thing you can do for this little guy is gently ignore or correct his lies, and never give his outlandish stories the attention he's going for. Instead, focus on giving attention to his real strengths and good qualities. If he's good at a certain subject in school, or sports, or whatever else, praise him for it. He needs to know he has value beyond the fantasy world he's made up for himself.
posted by balls at 9:45 AM on February 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
Also, a house in which honesty isn't tolerated or encouraged can create a child who lies compulsively. If telling the truth is always punishable, or if a child's real emotions--negative and positive--aren't accepted and allowed to be discussed, lying becomes not just a hobby but a true means of survival. This might not apply to the family in question, but it's worth throwing out there.
Sounds like this kid doesn't like himself very much, and isn't getting the kind of attention he needs. I'm not saying his parents are abusive--though they very well could be, and verbal and emotional abuse are (in my estimation) far more damaging than physical abuse and nearly impossible to prove--but something's going on there. Try not to shame him for this behavior; believe me, he knows what he's doing and probably feels compelled to do it even though he hates it. He digs in defensively because he's desperate to keep you thinking highly of him and he's too young to fully realize that his behavior is having the opposite effect.
It's good you can openly talk to his folks about this, but try not to hold it against him too much. Lying in children is almost always a defense mechanism and usually a sure sign of low self-esteem. The best thing you can do for this little guy is gently ignore or correct his lies, and never give his outlandish stories the attention he's going for. Instead, focus on giving attention to his real strengths and good qualities. If he's good at a certain subject in school, or sports, or whatever else, praise him for it. He needs to know he has value beyond the fantasy world he's made up for himself.
posted by balls at 9:45 AM on February 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
Phunniemee's approach is a good one; I would have loved the mental workout of using my bullshitting as an actual starting point for learning the way things actually worked.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:48 AM on February 9, 2010
posted by ocherdraco at 9:48 AM on February 9, 2010
To me, the first way simply says, "you are wrong." The second way says, "you're probably wrong, but at least you're thinking, and it's important that you think about things you don't understand."
Phunniemee is on to something. Although the child's more fanciful interpretations of his surroundings should be gently corrected--yeah, he's headed in an anti-social direction otherwise--isn't there something positive and valuable about a kid with an engaged imagination?--one who clearly (though not so accurately) sees the possibilities and alternatives that surround him? I do think (and hope) he'll grow out of the lying and storytelling. But assuming he does, I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up to be a more critical thinking adult than most people who grew up taking everything at face value if they bothered to notice it at all.
posted by applemeat at 9:54 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
Phunniemee is on to something. Although the child's more fanciful interpretations of his surroundings should be gently corrected--yeah, he's headed in an anti-social direction otherwise--isn't there something positive and valuable about a kid with an engaged imagination?--one who clearly (though not so accurately) sees the possibilities and alternatives that surround him? I do think (and hope) he'll grow out of the lying and storytelling. But assuming he does, I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up to be a more critical thinking adult than most people who grew up taking everything at face value if they bothered to notice it at all.
posted by applemeat at 9:54 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
I totally see how this kid would annoy the crap out of you (and me, if I ever had to be around him) but I honestly think you're being too hard on him and letting him get under your skin. Yes, you know he's fibbing, you know he's being a jerk, but kids are far less aware of how they sound to adults than vice versa. He's less invested in trying to meanly trick those stupid grown-ups and more interested in impressing you with his supposedly vast knowledge of cars and video games. Like a lot of other posters, I was a lot like this kid: I made up stories not because I didn't care that lying was wrong, I just really wanted them to true. With your first example about the pole, it sounds like the kid is trying to engage you in conversation on an adult level, and has no clue that A) what he's saying isn't exactly true, and B) it's patently obvious that you're on to him.
Kids have a very nebulous concept of lying when it comes to imaginative leaps like, "This is how that pole got there" or "here is how [my imagination says] a car works." It doesn't feel like a morally wrong lie because it doesn't necessarily hurt anyone, and they think it makes them look smarter. Seriously, I bet he's barely aware that his bullshit even qualifies as lying because he's so caught up in getting your attentions. But to adults, that sort of lying seems bizarre and out-of-context.
And so we get to Issue #4, where you get riled up because he doesn't apologize or acknowledge he was wrong. That's really a little too much. You want him to humbly acknowledge that he messed up, that's he's a liar and you know it. But sternly pointing how that he's wrong will make him lower and dumber, which isn't a great place for an autism-spectrum, awkward kid to find himself.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm coming down too hard on you, because I find myself so easily annoyed by the very same kids I was like when I was younger, to the point where I'd want to pull the car over and lecture him about being an insufferable little shit, but you're going to have to go easy on him. Deal with his bullshit patiently, gently point out the inconsistencies, but don't let him drive you up the wall because he can't see how irritating he is. You're the adult, he's the kid.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:18 AM on February 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
Kids have a very nebulous concept of lying when it comes to imaginative leaps like, "This is how that pole got there" or "here is how [my imagination says] a car works." It doesn't feel like a morally wrong lie because it doesn't necessarily hurt anyone, and they think it makes them look smarter. Seriously, I bet he's barely aware that his bullshit even qualifies as lying because he's so caught up in getting your attentions. But to adults, that sort of lying seems bizarre and out-of-context.
And so we get to Issue #4, where you get riled up because he doesn't apologize or acknowledge he was wrong. That's really a little too much. You want him to humbly acknowledge that he messed up, that's he's a liar and you know it. But sternly pointing how that he's wrong will make him lower and dumber, which isn't a great place for an autism-spectrum, awkward kid to find himself.
I hope this doesn't sound like I'm coming down too hard on you, because I find myself so easily annoyed by the very same kids I was like when I was younger, to the point where I'd want to pull the car over and lecture him about being an insufferable little shit, but you're going to have to go easy on him. Deal with his bullshit patiently, gently point out the inconsistencies, but don't let him drive you up the wall because he can't see how irritating he is. You're the adult, he's the kid.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:18 AM on February 9, 2010 [6 favorites]
My first thought was to wonder who is abusing him, or at the very least, who is severely undermining his sense of security and safety - hence the need for total control.
(My younger brother was a little like this. Our mother has Borderline Personality Disorder - basically she's a flip-out and sadist in private, yet in public she's a saint. Your description were so familiar. That said, I don't necessarily think it's the parents in this case! My point is that there might be an abuser or bully in the picture somewhere, and it could be anyone from the kids at school, to a neighbor, to an authority figure - but it sure seemed to me on first blush like something serious is going on behind the scenes that you are maybe not privy to at this time. balls provides great illumination into how his little mind is working right now, FWIW. Can you imagine the stress? Poor kid.)
My second thought was that he sounds like he needs to know how everything works, and if he were my boy, I would enroll him in every class imaginable, give him books explaining science, nature, engineering, etc, etc. etc!! The kid seems like he has a HUGE capacity to visualize systems - what a great talent! Encourage him to use it wisely!!
My last thought was that I'm glad you asked this question and I hope everything works out for the best. Step. Direction. Right!
posted by jbenben at 10:21 AM on February 9, 2010
(My younger brother was a little like this. Our mother has Borderline Personality Disorder - basically she's a flip-out and sadist in private, yet in public she's a saint. Your description were so familiar. That said, I don't necessarily think it's the parents in this case! My point is that there might be an abuser or bully in the picture somewhere, and it could be anyone from the kids at school, to a neighbor, to an authority figure - but it sure seemed to me on first blush like something serious is going on behind the scenes that you are maybe not privy to at this time. balls provides great illumination into how his little mind is working right now, FWIW. Can you imagine the stress? Poor kid.)
My second thought was that he sounds like he needs to know how everything works, and if he were my boy, I would enroll him in every class imaginable, give him books explaining science, nature, engineering, etc, etc. etc!! The kid seems like he has a HUGE capacity to visualize systems - what a great talent! Encourage him to use it wisely!!
My last thought was that I'm glad you asked this question and I hope everything works out for the best. Step. Direction. Right!
posted by jbenben at 10:21 AM on February 9, 2010
You might also want to check out
...
Crystal & Indigo children
Yeah, no, unless we get some hard scientific evidence that ADD people like me come from other planets.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:23 AM on February 9, 2010 [4 favorites]
...
Crystal & Indigo children
Yeah, no, unless we get some hard scientific evidence that ADD people like me come from other planets.
posted by zoomorphic at 10:23 AM on February 9, 2010 [4 favorites]
Kid wants attention. Maybe there's something disturbing him at home, maybe not.
Regardless, I think positive reinforcement is the way to go. Encourage him to go into storytelling for its own sake. Give him outlets for that. Give him minimal attention (even with regard to negative attention) for lying or other negative behavior.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:23 AM on February 9, 2010
Regardless, I think positive reinforcement is the way to go. Encourage him to go into storytelling for its own sake. Give him outlets for that. Give him minimal attention (even with regard to negative attention) for lying or other negative behavior.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:23 AM on February 9, 2010
I'm kind of wondering why it's so important to you to correct him. Whatever psychological reaction is making him do this, the immediate correction/trying to make him feel shitty about what he's lying about is not necessarily going to help. You're an adult, and your ego strength is much better than this kid's, so you can handle the annoyance without needing to constantly correct him.
I think it would be fair to let his parents take care of the behavior modification/management, to be honest with you.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:29 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
I think it would be fair to let his parents take care of the behavior modification/management, to be honest with you.
posted by so_gracefully at 10:29 AM on February 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
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Maybe you and the mom can get educated together with the therapist to better understand and deal with it?
posted by stormpooper at 9:19 AM on February 9, 2010