Is he trying to manipulate me?
February 1, 2010 6:11 PM Subscribe
My boyfriend keeps telling me to see a psychologist, and it bothers me. What should I do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (43 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I am afraid of flying. I had been dealing with this recently by simply not flying. My boyfriend suggested that I see a psychologist or psychiatrist about it. I thought about it, and agreed to see a psychologist.
The problem is now, he's starting to suggest the psychologist for all sorts of things. Note that he doesn't see a psychologist himself, or suggest one to anyone else. This seems to just be directed at me.
I am a night person, and usually stay up late even if I have to get up early the next day and will be tired. I'm never late to where I have to go, and I get everything done that I need to do. I am happy being a night person and I've never complained about it.
But my boyfriend has started suggesting I should talk to the psychologist about it. I have said I'm happy as I am, I don't think it's rooted in a psychological problem anyway, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. But the suggestions continue.
The second situation was: an ex of my boyfriend has begun acting strangely This ex *was* mentally unbalanced, had a bipolar diagnosis, and was known to do things like show up to the workplace of my ex's sister to rant about him.
I was apprehensive about her behavior, and asked my boyfriend if he'd try to get her to go away if she escalated things. His response was that he would not, because he couldn't be rude to her. I was surprised and worried but didn't push it.
A few days later, I had a bad dream about her, and told my boyfriend about it (we recount our dreams to each other a lot).
He said me having that dream clearly showed that I needed to go to a psychologist, that all of his ex's behavior is understandable, and that I also need to go to the psychologist to talk about my jealousy and paranoia.
I am now worried that any time we have a problem in our relationship, he will tell me to go to a psychologist. I am worried that any time I am honest and forthright about worries I have, in our relationship or in general, he will tell me I need a psychologist. I mean it seems like some kind of avoidance tactic to me.
It also seems like a way to make "the wrong one" no matter what I say. By marking me as "the crazy one" of course I can never be taken seriously.
I just want to say that I have never been to a psychologist in my life before I went for fear of flying, never been diagnosed with any kind of mental condition, and nobody before my boyfriend has ever even suggested that I have one.
I am in my 20s, have been out of college a few years, but I don't have a lot of experience with these sorts of things. All my prior relationships broke up because of mundane things like not being that into each other or being too young to commit. So I really don't have experience with classic "relationship problems" like this.
Whenever I read questions like these I see a long string of DTMFA. I know that option is already out there, I am aware of it. I would really like to try, at least *try*, to actually solve this first. I do not feel that it is the time for DTMFA.
I do think he might be open to change, if I could articulate the problem well enough. I also know that before he is convinced, he will try to argue me around in circles.