Wait, you know her from... where?!
January 28, 2010 9:57 PM Subscribe
RelationshipFilter: A girl I've never met is spending a few days at my boyfriend's house. Am I overreacting, given the circumstances? (long-ish)
posted by anonymous to human relations (51 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Background: My boyfriend Greg and I are both from Sacramento, but I'm finishing up my last year of college in Texas. Greg is an old family friend who is a few years older than me (he's 26, I'm 22), and we started dating when I was visiting my parents over the summer in 2008 (~16 months ago). Thus our relationship has mostly been long-distance, but I'm planning on returning to Sac-Town and moving in with Greg after I graduate. In the meantime, we take turns visiting each other every month or two. When we're not together, we talk on Skype almost every night.
When we were skyping a few nights ago, Greg mentioned that his friend Lindsay will be in town for 4 days next week, and asked if I was okay with the idea of Lindsay staying at his house. I said yes, because Greg has never given me a reason not to trust him, but I did admit that it made me feel slightly uneasy/jealous. I had never heard anything about Lindsay before, so I figured she was probably an old friend from high school who needed a place to crash while visiting friends or job-hunting or something.
Last night, I asked a few more questions (what day Lindsay was arriving, how long they'd known each other, etc) and I learned that Lindsay is Greg's online friend from Boston. They've been talking for a few years, but they've never met in person before. Lindsay doesn't have any particular reason to be in Sacramento... in fact, the entire purpose of her visit is meeting/hanging out with my boyfriend, going to a concert together, sightseeing, etc.
I don't think that Greg is planning to cheat, or anything like that. But now that I know the whole story, I find the situation very odd, and I'm definitely not totally okay with it. It bothers me that Greg didn't explain the circumstances of the visit when he first brought it up, and I'm super uncomfortable with the idea of him spending every waking minute with a girl he's never met before. It just doesn't seem completely appropriate, given that he's in a monogamous long-term relationship. I've brought all this up with a couple of my friends, and there seems to be an interesting gender divide... my male friends don't think I have anything to worry about, while my girlfriends agree with me that it seems a little fishy.
I don't want to make a big deal about this if it turns out I'm being paranoid, especially since it's probably too late for Lindsay to alter her travel plans without losing a ton of money. So... am I being paranoid? Or am I being too trusting/naive? What's the best way for me to deal with my unease about this whole situation?