As far as voice goes, I don't get sad. This is a bit of a problem. Also, the first relationship I've had that is getting to the 'real serious' level is getting weird.
I don't know what to do.
posted by anonymous to human relations (25 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
On the first point: It's a long-distance relationship. A couple of hours and busy schedules on both sides = 1-3 visits per month. This, at least, seems standard, if not good for what it is.
But, while I'm kind of dealing with this distance decently, my SO is having a tough time; this means that lots of recent phone calls have been very teary-ed on the other side, and I honestly don't know what to do; I am not that sad. Also conversations on the other side basically focus on how much I am missed and how much I should be there. Also on serious commitment and serious feelings.
Which, I, truly do echo, but that is it, really - discussion of the big abstract things which drowns out discussion of the fun, so it kind of reduces the big abstract things. To be honest, I don't always look forward to the nightly phone call.
Also, life situations are different. The first year of 'real life' for me, and college on the other side. This adds up to a little weirdness; vacation time is far more limited, concerns are different. And, I must admit, being a mysteriously (I don't see it) attractive person, I've had a few people make advances on me. I've turned them down without a thought and certainly without considering doing anything (I hate hate hate cheating and would never do it or find it okay. sep. discussion). But, an unexpected and really seriously shocking, to the point of some kind of dissociation, result of these and maturing of my relationship ideas is that I am no longer petrified of aloneness if this ends.
Finally, the overwhelming feelings of missing and sadness on the other side, and the focus on the long-termness and commitment, make me feel like we are betraying the original constitution of the relationship; that we would try to make each other happy and would not make each other sad. Certainly the current sadness is viewed as the price of future happiness, but the ratio of time together to time apart is so great that it is hard to tell whether, in retrospect, this year will seem like a good one for both of us (of course, retrospect isn't a sum total of experiences, it's colored by how you think of the time).
So, I am being racked with ideas from 'Holy crap, I need to have SO live with me this summer or else I will die of heartbreak' to 'we should break up,' even though, the theoretical clear-minded me should just feel overjoyed that the fantastic relationship with the fantastic person ended up being the serious one, and the skeptical one thinks that the typical one is just afraid of commitment, but the typical one, indeed, is nervous and unsure of whether this is the best idea, and is having a damn hard time asserting how much it loves the SO when it feels like things might end and maybe should end.
I have no idea.
Thanks for any ideas, I really appreciate them.
Sorry about the non-gendered language, for some reason it seemed like the way to go and a bit of a challenge. Just guess, I don't mind if you think I'm a *