Why won't she go away?
January 18, 2010 6:18 PM Subscribe
Am I reading to much into the actions of my boyfriend's ex? Beanplating follows.
posted by anonymous to human relations (29 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My boyfriend's breakup with his ex was long and painful; she jerked him around, had meltdowns and acted nuts, and was never sure if she wanted to be together or not. He loved her, she hurt him and didn't care. I met him during this period. When it ended completely, we started dating.
Suddenly, her sweet side comes out. She starts sending him occasional little text messages and calling him just to say hi. Then she asks him to meet for a friendly lunch. She invites him to a performance of hers, where she wears a very skimpy outfit.
We'd only been dating 4 months when she started doing this. Normally I don't have any problem with his many female friends, many of whom are also exes. But their relationship had ended so recently, and this just seemed like more jerking around. I asked him if he'd mind not resuming a friendship with her until more time had passed, to give any lingering feelings time to recede. He didn't mind at all.
It's now been 3 more months.
My boyfriend is very close to a couple and sees them whenever he can; he's best friends with the guy in the couple. My boyfriend's ex, while they were dating, became acquainted and friendly with the girl in the couple, though not very close. She almost always stayed home while my boyfriend spent time with them. Suddenly, I have learned that my boyfriend's ex and the girl in this couple are on vacation alone together for a week.
My boyfriend says that he didn't know about it until the guy in the couple told him, today. My boyfriend says that his ex doesn't have many friends, despite having lived in this city for ten years, so this particular girl was probably her only option as a traveling partner. He said he doesn't think there's anything more behind it.
I haven't told him this, but I think this whole thing is just weird - to go on vacation with a good friend of your ex's you barely know? I do think she's playing some kind of strange game. And my private feeling is that she has enough of her own friends and should stop trying to insert herself into my boyfriend's life. What is she trying to clutch on to? If it makes any difference at all, everyone I have mentioned is in their mid to late 20s except the ex, who is in her mid 30s.
As it stands now, I am not going to say anything, but I wonder. Am I reading things into her actions that aren't there? If so, I'll just forget about it and enjoy life. But if I'm not, what should I do? I've only been in one other situation in my life where there was an ex really sniffing around like this, and in that case, she really did turn out to be up to no good.
(I hate to admit this, but I'm also a little hurt that this girl is being so buddy-buddy with the ex. I don't know where that's coming from.)