"You're not listening. Don't you understand? You're not going to be okay."
January 16, 2010 3:35 PM Subscribe
How do I learn to accept a severely modified life as a result of a psychiatric disability?
posted by anonymous to human relations (17 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I'm an agoraphobic with PTSD and severe, debilitating panic attacks. My last attempt at working went spectacularly badly; my psych meds + flu meds left me delirious and combative and I was fired. I haven't been able to work since. Other than going to the doctor or the pharmacy, I'll manage to leave the house once or twice a month. Over the last year as my symptoms worsened, I had to apply for disability and was declared a disabled dependent adult in order to get on my mother's health insurance. I'm relying on family charity to pay my mortgage until I can sell my home. Meds and therapy are just barely keeping my out of the hospital.
I feel like I'm in mourning. Over the last five years, I've gone from being a functioning member of society to being one of those people that smells bad and shakes and talks to themselves on the bus. I've gone from being a homeowner and a career woman to hoping I can still live independently. I'm not likely to have adventures and friends and loves and success in the way I had envisioned for myself; now it's a major achievement when I'm calm and linear enough to shower AND get the mail on the same day. It hurts so much because once in a while I'll have a moment of peace without dissociation or panic and I remember exactly what I've lost.
If anyone's gone through this, how do I learn to accept what seems like a stunted and terrible future, parsed through a brain that interprets everything as scary and dangerous?
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