Wannabe Third (and general KinkFilter)
January 5, 2010 9:24 AM Subscribe
As part of my New Year's Self-Improvement Program (tm), I'm seeking out a few sexual experiences I haven't had but would like. In particular, I'd like to be the third in a heterosexual couple's threesome. I'm a mostly-straight man in San Francisco.
You'd think this would be more difficult *not* to do in the Sexual Liberation Capital of the Universe, but I've always felt out of place at the BDSM, kink, and other sex-oriented gatherings I've attended. I've never been a public player, but I've tied up every serious girlfriend I've had for most of the past decade, and it's been great for both of us. Being a single mostly-straight man makes one's sexual capital basically worthless, so I'm in a somewhat difficult spot here.
I'm wondering: 1) what's the best way for a male wannabe third to implement this fantasy, and 2) more generally, how do you meet and play with kinky people without getting all Folsom Street Fair about everything?
Throwaway email: nisitristique at gmail dot com.
You'd think this would be more difficult *not* to do in the Sexual Liberation Capital of the Universe, but I've always felt out of place at the BDSM, kink, and other sex-oriented gatherings I've attended. I've never been a public player, but I've tied up every serious girlfriend I've had for most of the past decade, and it's been great for both of us. Being a single mostly-straight man makes one's sexual capital basically worthless, so I'm in a somewhat difficult spot here.
I'm wondering: 1) what's the best way for a male wannabe third to implement this fantasy, and 2) more generally, how do you meet and play with kinky people without getting all Folsom Street Fair about everything?
Throwaway email: nisitristique at gmail dot com.
Heterosexual couple to share minimally BDSM-y sex with hetero stranger? You're looking for swinger parties.
Men who can behave respectfully, obey the party rules, non-cruisy, etc. can and do receive invite. You just have to stand out from the crowd of morons clamoring to get one. Behave like a mature, courteous adult when you contact the hosts. Be okay with being on the waiting list for a while. Volunteer to arrive early to help them with party preparations (which gives them more time to see that you're a civilized guy who shares their goal of making it a fun and easygoing party). Etc. You'll do fine.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 10:03 AM on January 5, 2010
Men who can behave respectfully, obey the party rules, non-cruisy, etc. can and do receive invite. You just have to stand out from the crowd of morons clamoring to get one. Behave like a mature, courteous adult when you contact the hosts. Be okay with being on the waiting list for a while. Volunteer to arrive early to help them with party preparations (which gives them more time to see that you're a civilized guy who shares their goal of making it a fun and easygoing party). Etc. You'll do fine.
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 10:03 AM on January 5, 2010
You may have a hard time (no pun intended). The odds of a straight, single man finding a couple interested in some kind of experience is about on par with a straight couple finding a bisexual woman for the same. You won't be able to get into the good swinger parties. I've heard that Craigslist is a good bet, as long as you craft a good, non-creeper post and don't flake out or lead anyone on.
posted by theraflu at 10:17 AM on January 5, 2010
posted by theraflu at 10:17 AM on January 5, 2010
Most heterosexual couples looking for threesomes are looking for a female bisexual. The number looking for men is tiny. The number looking for men is small. Your best bet is the internet, by sheer numbers. But I'd also use the internet to look for some really good porn that would allow you to fantasize about what you want while working to accept that it's likely it'll never happen.
posted by decathecting at 11:06 AM on January 5, 2010
posted by decathecting at 11:06 AM on January 5, 2010
Anecdotally, it's easier to be a single male in a couple's threesome when you are friends with that couple. IMO there's a higher threshold of trust involved when a couple brings a man into the bedroom versus bringing a woman. I'll leave speculation as to the "why" alone...
But to the OP: know any sex-positive friends? My few successful experiences all involved good friends with well developed trust & comfort outside the bedroom.
posted by whycurious at 11:27 AM on January 5, 2010
But to the OP: know any sex-positive friends? My few successful experiences all involved good friends with well developed trust & comfort outside the bedroom.
posted by whycurious at 11:27 AM on January 5, 2010
Most of the ads in craigslist's mw4m section are looking for bi guys. Occasionally you'll find one looking for a straight guy. Patience is key.
posted by clorox at 12:12 PM on January 6, 2010
posted by clorox at 12:12 PM on January 6, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Sidhedevil at 9:42 AM on January 5, 2010