How to get her to stop lying?
January 2, 2010 6:43 PM Subscribe
How do I get my girlfriend to stop lying to me?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (70 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I am a male in my late 20s, and my girlfriend is also in her late 20s. We live together. Both of us have had several serious relationships and have lived with people before.
My girlfriend lies to me. Not all the time, but often enough. I don't think there's a particular pattern to her lying, so I'll just give examples.
This is a minor one: the window. When she opens the window screen, bugs get in. There is absolutely no benefit from opening it. I have asked her not to do this. Yet, as I'm coming home, I can very clearly see that the screen is open, and when my key is in the lock to our door, I can hear her closing it. I come in, and there are bugs all around.
Another minor one. The other day, I walked in the room as she was on the computer and idly asked her what she was was looking at. A video was being reflected in her glasses though the sound was off. She told me she was programming.
I have asked her not to share private details of our sex life with her friends. She has said repeatedly that she won't. Those private details keep getting back to me.
I wanted to take her out one weekend and asked her what she would like to do- she told me to just pick something myself. I said I would, but asked her to tell me if she really wasn't into the idea. She said she would. Later, I found out that she really wasn't into it but only went along with it to make me happy. I couldn't believe it. The point of it was to do something for her.
We have also had similar issues in sex, where I have begged her to tell me what she likes, doesn't like, or whether she doesn't want to have sex at all- I could be happy with anything she said, I just want to know. She has said everything is fine, then later I've found out she was faking orgasms.
I am not an overbearing, bullying person. I am soft spoken and peaceful, and she's also an inch taller than me and probably stronger, so I think it's unlikely she feels intimidated by me.
I am also not bossy. There are things I ask her to do or not do, but there are also things she asks me to do too.
I love her, and our relationship is the best I've ever had. I want to fix this if I can. Ideas?