How do I get an ex to stop contacting me?
December 25, 2009 1:59 PM Subscribe
A former flame has attempted to re-establish contact with me.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Almost ten years ago, I had an ill-advised fling with a friend of mine. We were both in difficult relationships -- he was getting a divorce and my boyfriend (now my fiance) lived out of state. Our fling brought out the worst in us, and after it burned out he broke off our friendship in a chat room.
In the intervening years, we've run into each other a few times and he's given me the silent treatment. I learned through friends of friends that he'd told them false details about our relationship (specifically that he'd given me anal and that I was "a mess of santorum" -- classy!); he also posted false information about me on a database of my industry, and he'd befriended some bad neighbors who have made my life rather challenging.
I got a Facebook account earlier this year, and he attempted to add me as a friend. When I blocked him, he sent an angry email to my personal email address accusing me of holding a grudge. Apart from some anger at the time, I hadn't thought twice about this missive...until yesterday, when he found and attempted to add me on a long-dormant Facebook account linked to my aforementioned personal email address.
I'm really upset with him for both spreading rumors about me over the past ten years, and for showing such disregard for the personal boundaries I set. The only thing I want from him is for him to leave me (and potentially my family) alone, and to not speak of me to anyone. If I take passive steps to set boundaries -- such as blocking him on various social networking sites -- I run the risk of getting repeated nasty emails. However, if I email him and ask him to stop bothering me, I fear that he will continue to contact me and could even start harrassing my boyfriend and members of my family. This doesn't seem to be bad enough (yet) to get the authorities involved.
What's the best plan of action to get him to just leave me alone?