December 19, 2009 10:00 AM Subscribe
I think I may have a victim mentality and I'm not sure how to fix it.
posted by anonymous to human relations (10 answers total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
I've known people with victim mentalities. They are always making excuses and think everybody is out to get them. They always have somebody to blame for their problems. I don't complain outwardly. I'm good-natured, don't blame others, and I'm not a "whiner" I'm aware of my shortcomings and take responsibility for them.
In dark moments I have a lot of negative self-talk and most of it rings of a victim mentality. I have thoughts like these:
If I lost weight it wouldn't matter because my husband wouldn't notice anyway. I'm not really attractive, so what is the point of trying to shed the extra pounds? I can't lose all of the weight I want to lose, so why bother? (Could holding onto extra weight be a form of rebellion?)
Why clean this house when it's in a crappy neighborhood? Nobody comes over anyway. If I clean the house I'll still have this crappy furniture.
Nobody has a fucked up family like mine. Why do I have to have a family like this?
I have made so many mistakes in my marriage/parenting/friendships. I'll never repair them and I'll never have fulfilling relationships.
And so on. As I write these out I realize how ridiculous they sound. These are the thoughts that are in my head and I repeat them often when I am feeling down. I have had these thoughts to varying degrees for years. How can I stop?