Guilt and anxiety about declining dates and relationships
December 9, 2009 4:07 PM Subscribe
Help me overcome my fear of rejection - the catch - it's a fear of rejecting other people
posted by Chrysalis to human relations (11 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Any time I have to turn someone down I become horribly anxious and terrified of hurting them and how they might react. This means that sometimes I avoid giving people a chance because I'm scared of having to break things off, and sometimes just going along with things cos I feel guilty to say no - which is even worse. I started dating for a bit but any time I had to break things off I'd feel so awful it just wasn't worth the fun parts. I've been trying to limit my involvement to people unlikely to form an attachment to me (because of this and the fact that I'm totally emotionally unavailable after a horrible relationship) but this weekend I drank too much and went home with a friend who I thought would leave it at that, but now I realise I missed lots of signs that he actually has feelings for me. I think I had some feelings for him but wasn't planning on doing anything about them. Now I feel like I accidentally used/misled him and I feel physically sick, my sleep is messed up etc. We are supposed to go out to dinner tomorrow but I don't think it's going to be like our normal catch-ups. I've been anxious all week and need to talk to him today. How can I gently explain that I wanted to do it at thetime but don't want to take it any further? He's been so good to me and I'm scared he's going to hate me and be upset and not want to be my friend. And in general, how can I stop being so terrified of disappointing people?