Is it time to go even if it hurts to do so?
December 9, 2009 1:13 PM Subscribe
Is it time to move on? Long story.
posted by anonymous to human relations (29 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
We've been together for 4 years and we both love each other deeply. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about her and she has communicated a similar feeling to me. Over the course of our relationship we have by and large gotten on without issue save for her inability to get things done. This manifests in things like leaving dishes out for days (that I eventually do), not making it places on time, waiting til the last minute to get papers done for school, not doing things she promised to do and so on. For a while all of this was overlookable because so many other aspects of the relationship are great. Now that shes back in school more seriously we have very little time together and this habit is infringing on the small amount of time that we do have. I've told her that I feel like she isn't being considerate of my needs when she puts off projects that mean she can't do things with me or doesn't come home when she says she will from being out doing other things. I don't feel like she is consciously making these choices in a selfish fashion, its more just that she doesn't see that they impact me.
I am by nature a care-giver. I derive the majority of my happiness from taking care of other people and making them feel loved. The past 6 months or so however I've been struggling with depression again and I need more care from her. I've communicated this to her over and over and yet she hasn't changed her behavior.
I am stuck here. She isn't being malicious, but I can't get her to be less of a space cadet and be places on time or schedule her time such that she can give me what I need in the very limited time we have together. We keep getting caught in this cycle where I get stressed and communicate my need for more attention from her which in turn stresses her out because she hates being the source of my dissatisfaction yet can't seem to change her behavior.
A few days ago a conversation related to this topic turned into "well, despite loving each other maybe we just aren't right for each other." While my frustrations are still present this is devastating to me. She is my best friend and my other half and I'd much rather be frustrated than without her. Am I a fool for feeling this way about someone who just can't give me what I need despite repeated requests? Should I just let go even if its not what I want?
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