Getting space from a high-drama friend
December 7, 2009 10:00 AM Subscribe
I've decided to distance myself from a high-drama friend. How can I transition from close friends to distant friends, with a minimum of unhappiness for both of us?
posted by anonymous to human relations (18 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I met "Joanna" last year through a shared circle of friends. She's fun and has a uniquely magnetic personality. We became pretty close girlfriends.
The thing is, friendship with her contains a lot of drama. She's prone to flakiness, rapidly shifting moods, and dark thoughts. When we make plans, I don't know if she'll bail. When we talk, sometimes her bouts of deep depression will drain me. When she tells me things, I'm not sure whether if it'll be thrown out the window when her mood changes in a few hours. I've made my frustration known to her after individual incidents in the past.
She's gone through terrible things in her life, and is working with a therapist now. I care for her, but have decided to cut down on the frequency of our interactions, for my own peace of mind. I need help with a couple situations:
1. If she probes for why, or drops hints about not being invited to something, what do I say? I don't want to go into the reasons, because it'll be hard to avoid making her feel rejected. Is there a way to get out of answering?
2. In situations where it'd be an obvious omission to leave her off the invite list (e.g. I've invited five of our common friends), should I go ahead and invite her anyway? It feels bad to be overtly rude / excluding, but the current situation feels bad too.
(Btw we are both in our 30s, in case this matters.)