How to avoid Christmas stress
December 4, 2009 2:10 PM Subscribe
What are your tips for deflecting the fake bonhomie and good cheer of Christmas and emerging from the experience unscathed?
Given my nature tends to default towards the cynical and a bit grumpy, Christmas can be a bit of a trial. This year I've decided to do the absolute minimum required so as not to be rude or become an outcast, but I still find the whole Christmas experience depressing and empty. This is not because I had awful Christmases as a child or anything - quite the opposite: full of love and good times - but now that I'm older, I find the whole inevitability and inability to get away from it quite confining.
I've opted to work this year to get away from it even more, but it's the whole countdown and "buy! buy! buy!" aspect of the whole thing that I want to NOT get me down this year. I want to get to January 1st and have a smile on my face instead of a frown.
Any other Christmas dislikers out there with some good ideas?
Given my nature tends to default towards the cynical and a bit grumpy, Christmas can be a bit of a trial. This year I've decided to do the absolute minimum required so as not to be rude or become an outcast, but I still find the whole Christmas experience depressing and empty. This is not because I had awful Christmases as a child or anything - quite the opposite: full of love and good times - but now that I'm older, I find the whole inevitability and inability to get away from it quite confining.
I've opted to work this year to get away from it even more, but it's the whole countdown and "buy! buy! buy!" aspect of the whole thing that I want to NOT get me down this year. I want to get to January 1st and have a smile on my face instead of a frown.
Any other Christmas dislikers out there with some good ideas?
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Do something nice for someone that costs nothing but really helps someone out. It could be the same kind of thing that they'd need some other time during the year, but you just happen to be doing it now. Bonus: if you go to a retirement home or hospital or something, lots of those people CAN'T go to malls 'n' shit. So bring the world to them, and avoid the crush outside.
And lighten the hell up.
posted by Madamina at 2:14 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
And lighten the hell up.
posted by Madamina at 2:14 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: "And lighten the hell up."
Thanks, Madamina. That's just the sort of response I don't want. People are entitled to not want to get involved in Christmas.
posted by stenoboy at 2:17 PM on December 4, 2009 [24 favorites]
Thanks, Madamina. That's just the sort of response I don't want. People are entitled to not want to get involved in Christmas.
posted by stenoboy at 2:17 PM on December 4, 2009 [24 favorites]
Best answer: Oh, and I almost meant to say--part of what works for me now as a new adult starting my own family/home is remembering I get to decide what rituals I want to maintain, begin, or dispose of. Returning agency to yourself like that is helpful, at least it was to me...here's something I wrote in my journal right around when I got married this fall:
our life is our own and i like it. i like sharing in things, tiny daily rituals invisible to anyone but us. i just reread how to be a domestic goddess and that was her strongest selling point about it all, the idea being a grown up now means being free to choose which rituals you'll deign to allow power over you, give your everyday life meaning. i love that freedom, that it's all in our hands now, together.
I moved here years ago, but forwent all normal holiday trappings the first few years out on my own--I worked overtime on Christmas and New Year's, for example, didn't decorate whatsoever, didn't attend Christmas parties or bake anything, etc. This is the first year that won't be the case, and it's because I feel like it now. No other reason. Helps put it in perspective for me, and I remind myself to relax, if I find I don't like it after all, I'll stop and won't do it next time. Plus there's been significant tweaking of standard ritual to suit us--so for example, this is the first year we have holiday decorations, but they're two small artificial trees in screaming bright colors--fuschia and teal--and the ornaments are all in-joke snark and specific to our time together as a couple--a pink glazed doughnut a la The Simpsons Movie, a diet coke can, a schnauzer, vintage German industrial design stamps, cookware, Atari, musical instruments, a tea kettle, Proust's 'stache--things we liked, that remind us of our past conversations and experiences. I won't be made to feel stressed out about baking enough cookies to feed an entire village or anything, but I have a few funny cookie cutters so I'll make use of 'em when the right evening comes along. We'll probably make homemade pretzels, slather them with mustard, and swig 'em with beer one night. Just stuff like that.
You can do what you want to and still feel festive--there's nothing saying you must fit the mold of gaudy fire engine red sweaters with patchwork reindeer and bells, getting drunk at groan-worthy office parties, whatever. Just do what you feel like doing and let others do the same.
posted by ifjuly at 2:22 PM on December 4, 2009 [7 favorites]
our life is our own and i like it. i like sharing in things, tiny daily rituals invisible to anyone but us. i just reread how to be a domestic goddess and that was her strongest selling point about it all, the idea being a grown up now means being free to choose which rituals you'll deign to allow power over you, give your everyday life meaning. i love that freedom, that it's all in our hands now, together.
I moved here years ago, but forwent all normal holiday trappings the first few years out on my own--I worked overtime on Christmas and New Year's, for example, didn't decorate whatsoever, didn't attend Christmas parties or bake anything, etc. This is the first year that won't be the case, and it's because I feel like it now. No other reason. Helps put it in perspective for me, and I remind myself to relax, if I find I don't like it after all, I'll stop and won't do it next time. Plus there's been significant tweaking of standard ritual to suit us--so for example, this is the first year we have holiday decorations, but they're two small artificial trees in screaming bright colors--fuschia and teal--and the ornaments are all in-joke snark and specific to our time together as a couple--a pink glazed doughnut a la The Simpsons Movie, a diet coke can, a schnauzer, vintage German industrial design stamps, cookware, Atari, musical instruments, a tea kettle, Proust's 'stache--things we liked, that remind us of our past conversations and experiences. I won't be made to feel stressed out about baking enough cookies to feed an entire village or anything, but I have a few funny cookie cutters so I'll make use of 'em when the right evening comes along. We'll probably make homemade pretzels, slather them with mustard, and swig 'em with beer one night. Just stuff like that.
You can do what you want to and still feel festive--there's nothing saying you must fit the mold of gaudy fire engine red sweaters with patchwork reindeer and bells, getting drunk at groan-worthy office parties, whatever. Just do what you feel like doing and let others do the same.
posted by ifjuly at 2:22 PM on December 4, 2009 [7 favorites]
Try to minimize confrontation over the issue, not only by avoiding people but in the way you deal with people. I get the impression that you communicate this spirit of "grumpiness" to people almost as you have to us, which is something that people feel an obligation to overcome around this time of year.
Instead of coming off as "I'm grumpy and I intend to stay that way," say something like "I prefer to commemorate this season in a more introspective, meditative way, I'll be over here doing that." It might not go over well but probably better than an almost literal "bah, humbug."
In addition, it's good to stay busy with work. If you can characterize it as having to work because you've had a great idea/inspiration rather than "I'm just trying to avoid you people," that will probably help too.
posted by rkent at 2:25 PM on December 4, 2009
Instead of coming off as "I'm grumpy and I intend to stay that way," say something like "I prefer to commemorate this season in a more introspective, meditative way, I'll be over here doing that." It might not go over well but probably better than an almost literal "bah, humbug."
In addition, it's good to stay busy with work. If you can characterize it as having to work because you've had a great idea/inspiration rather than "I'm just trying to avoid you people," that will probably help too.
posted by rkent at 2:25 PM on December 4, 2009
shop in the middle of the night. this keeps you mostly away from the kids, the parents, the grabbing and whining and carts being jammed into your calves.
avoid TV - torrent your shows instead. nothing gets me grumpier about christmas than seeing yet another "buy her a car/diamond this year!" commercial.
come up with your own tradition - something to spoil yourself with - it could be a book or a meal or a pair of toasty socks. do something for you so you can start having your synapses fire differently. "ooohhh, wreaths are going up! that means it's almost time for ________!".
posted by nadawi at 2:28 PM on December 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
avoid TV - torrent your shows instead. nothing gets me grumpier about christmas than seeing yet another "buy her a car/diamond this year!" commercial.
come up with your own tradition - something to spoil yourself with - it could be a book or a meal or a pair of toasty socks. do something for you so you can start having your synapses fire differently. "ooohhh, wreaths are going up! that means it's almost time for ________!".
posted by nadawi at 2:28 PM on December 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Buy cards and gifts in bulk online. Find a site that sells fancy and well packaged food items, and buy everyone basically the same thing, or even go a step further and send everyone the same thing but do it through Amazon and have them wrap. Take one day to do all your cards.
Don't go to any malls for the whole holiday period, do any necessary shopping online. Cut back on watching TV if the holiday commercials are bugging you. Make excuses not to go to holiday parties, some people might be put out, but there's no way around that if you really don't want to deal with the holidays.
Then either work or (better) go on vacation for the whole Christmas week.
Of course, you don't say if you have kids or other unavoidable family commitments, and I'm answering as if you don't. If you do, this all gets a lot harder...
posted by crabintheocean at 2:32 PM on December 4, 2009
Don't go to any malls for the whole holiday period, do any necessary shopping online. Cut back on watching TV if the holiday commercials are bugging you. Make excuses not to go to holiday parties, some people might be put out, but there's no way around that if you really don't want to deal with the holidays.
Then either work or (better) go on vacation for the whole Christmas week.
Of course, you don't say if you have kids or other unavoidable family commitments, and I'm answering as if you don't. If you do, this all gets a lot harder...
posted by crabintheocean at 2:32 PM on December 4, 2009
If you have to go to the store and be bombarded by gigantic blow-up santas, insane looking plastic elves and other displays of forced whimsy, just make sure to go with a sarcastic friend. Get into snorting back laughter mode and look at the whole thing as surreal. That's the only thing that saves me. Happy holidays!
posted by fullofragerie at 2:34 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by fullofragerie at 2:34 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just stay out of the mall and volunteer to do the cooking.
posted by gyusan at 2:41 PM on December 4, 2009
posted by gyusan at 2:41 PM on December 4, 2009
I choose to believe that the bonhomie and good cheer is real and it turns out that often it is. Hardly any effort at all on my part and yet such great results.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 2:42 PM on December 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
posted by otherwordlyglow at 2:42 PM on December 4, 2009 [3 favorites]
Maybe by not presuming that all the goodwill and bonhomie is fake? Just for the next few weeks, why not assume the best of everyone? Assume an abundance of good intentions from your friends, family, and coworkers. Assume that everyone means well. Assume that they are expressing genuine feelings the best way they know how, even if it's imperfect or doesn't match the way you would express your feelings.
None of that has anything to do with the relentless pursuit of unnecessary consumer goods in the name of the season (and which, more generally, is most certainly a large part of what has driven the economy into the shitter we're in today my bitter critique of modern capitalism: let me show you it). Commercialism and consumption are certainly gross and harmful. You can acknowledge that and opt out of unnecessary spending without opting out of appreciating and returning expressions of good cheer. One does not require the other. See if you can separate the worse excesses of our culture from the better angels of people's nature.
Also: make brownies if you feel the need to give stuff. (If you have a Trader Joe's near you, get their chocolate truffle brownie mix: it's insanely delicious, virtually impossible to screw up, costs only a couple of bucks, and requires some aluminum foil and a bow to "wrap.")
posted by scody at 2:45 PM on December 4, 2009 [6 favorites]
None of that has anything to do with the relentless pursuit of unnecessary consumer goods in the name of the season (and which, more generally, is most certainly a large part of what has driven the economy into the shitter we're in today my bitter critique of modern capitalism: let me show you it). Commercialism and consumption are certainly gross and harmful. You can acknowledge that and opt out of unnecessary spending without opting out of appreciating and returning expressions of good cheer. One does not require the other. See if you can separate the worse excesses of our culture from the better angels of people's nature.
Also: make brownies if you feel the need to give stuff. (If you have a Trader Joe's near you, get their chocolate truffle brownie mix: it's insanely delicious, virtually impossible to screw up, costs only a couple of bucks, and requires some aluminum foil and a bow to "wrap.")
posted by scody at 2:45 PM on December 4, 2009 [6 favorites]
Rather than project my traits onto you and say you are lacking, I'll say instead that I'm wondering if my lack of Christmas energy in past years, or bonhomie for lack of another word, was a sign of spiritual blockage on my part.
I'm not talking about the type of energy where you run around giving gifts and singing carols. I mean simply appreciating what's happening around you without a lot of judgements.
Yes Christmas can be somewhat hypocritical on the face of it, a commercial enterprise with a facade of spirituality. On the other hand, there's not a lot of difference between someone saying 'merry christmas' or saying 'have a great day.' Christmas is just something people do, like moon shots, or golf. You don't get grumpy about those things, do you? So why would Christmas get any different treatment than any of the other ridiculous things people do for joy and diversion?
Possibly it's the cultural assumption that Christmas is a time of joy and giving that somehow overrides all one's other considerations. Or that it's so commercial, or the lack of a true spiritual foundation, or any of a million other filters.
Anyway, you can't really change Christmas, so might as well change how you look at it.
posted by diode at 2:51 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'm not talking about the type of energy where you run around giving gifts and singing carols. I mean simply appreciating what's happening around you without a lot of judgements.
Yes Christmas can be somewhat hypocritical on the face of it, a commercial enterprise with a facade of spirituality. On the other hand, there's not a lot of difference between someone saying 'merry christmas' or saying 'have a great day.' Christmas is just something people do, like moon shots, or golf. You don't get grumpy about those things, do you? So why would Christmas get any different treatment than any of the other ridiculous things people do for joy and diversion?
Possibly it's the cultural assumption that Christmas is a time of joy and giving that somehow overrides all one's other considerations. Or that it's so commercial, or the lack of a true spiritual foundation, or any of a million other filters.
Anyway, you can't really change Christmas, so might as well change how you look at it.
posted by diode at 2:51 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
stenoboy, is your exposure to "holiday cheer" somehow inevitably related to your work that means you are exposed to it constantly? Because it sounds like a good solution is just to spend a little extra time at the office, shop mostly online, and avoid any "Christmas-themed" events/places for the next few weeks, and you'll hardly know it's there. Instead of going to the mall, go to the gym. Catch up on movies on netflix. Send your regrets when someone invites you to a Christmas party.
As I get older, I've found myself not overdosing from holiday cheer but rather realizing that the period from Thanksgiving to Christmas is over before I even realize it.
posted by deanc at 2:58 PM on December 4, 2009
As I get older, I've found myself not overdosing from holiday cheer but rather realizing that the period from Thanksgiving to Christmas is over before I even realize it.
posted by deanc at 2:58 PM on December 4, 2009
Greg Nog - You are not subjected to those things unless you, yourself, subject yourself to them. And if you don't want to be, that's fine. But, if, like the OP, you have active disdain towards people who do enjoy those things, that's where you (and he!) need to lighten the hell up.
posted by downing street memo at 2:59 PM on December 4, 2009
posted by downing street memo at 2:59 PM on December 4, 2009
If Christmas annoys you, perhaps you could spend your time shopping at stores that cater to cultures who don't celebrate the holiday. Jewish delis and Indian supermarkets could be a good option.
posted by demiurge at 3:00 PM on December 4, 2009
posted by demiurge at 3:00 PM on December 4, 2009
Enjoy your grumpiness. Inhabit it. Take pleasure in it. Seriously. Fuck people who assume that your can't be grumpy, cynical, and happy.
The older I get, the more I've come to cherish my own cantankerousness. Perversely, this allows me to enjoy being around people who genuinely delight in the holidays.
Bah Humbug and Merry Christmas.
posted by space_cookie at 3:00 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
The older I get, the more I've come to cherish my own cantankerousness. Perversely, this allows me to enjoy being around people who genuinely delight in the holidays.
Bah Humbug and Merry Christmas.
posted by space_cookie at 3:00 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
short of locking yourself in your house and consuming zero media (internet, tv, radio) from halloween to december 26th (and even then there's the after christmas bullshit), you are subjected to christmas if you're in the US. the idea that you can just opt out is willfully ignorant.
posted by nadawi at 3:04 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by nadawi at 3:04 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Instead of being grumpy and cynical and criticising the fakeness of other people trying to be positive and gemütlich, try being your authentic version of positive and companionable.
posted by joost de vries at 3:06 PM on December 4, 2009
posted by joost de vries at 3:06 PM on December 4, 2009
I survive Christmas by:
1. Having nothing to do with the so-called religious aspects. (When did a religion which celebrates poverty become so wedded to commercialism? I have no idea, but I suspect Dickens was involved somewhere.)
2. Avoiding all the commercialism. I get small gifts, and if people are offended that's just tough (but they aren't).
3. Not going to the office Christmas party because I just know people are going to make asses of themselves, and I don't want to be one of them (and drunk-driving can be costly in all kinds of ways).
4. Avoiding decorating my house with expensive and unnecessary ornaments, etc. I tend to cut holly and ivy to indulge my inner Wiccan.
5. Keeping *away* from family until it's all over. Everyone is really chilled from Boxing Day onwards, but tending towards anxiety before then.
6. Enjoying the holiday I have from work.
7. And finally, I always tell myself that it's not up to me when and how I enjoy myself. I am just a tiny cog in a big, happy, commercialist machine, and participation is absolutely mandatory. Buy now. Buy now. Buy now.
posted by BrokenEnglish at 3:11 PM on December 4, 2009
1. Having nothing to do with the so-called religious aspects. (When did a religion which celebrates poverty become so wedded to commercialism? I have no idea, but I suspect Dickens was involved somewhere.)
2. Avoiding all the commercialism. I get small gifts, and if people are offended that's just tough (but they aren't).
3. Not going to the office Christmas party because I just know people are going to make asses of themselves, and I don't want to be one of them (and drunk-driving can be costly in all kinds of ways).
4. Avoiding decorating my house with expensive and unnecessary ornaments, etc. I tend to cut holly and ivy to indulge my inner Wiccan.
5. Keeping *away* from family until it's all over. Everyone is really chilled from Boxing Day onwards, but tending towards anxiety before then.
6. Enjoying the holiday I have from work.
7. And finally, I always tell myself that it's not up to me when and how I enjoy myself. I am just a tiny cog in a big, happy, commercialist machine, and participation is absolutely mandatory. Buy now. Buy now. Buy now.
posted by BrokenEnglish at 3:11 PM on December 4, 2009
Ignore the trolls. We don't like xmas either. We get clothes for the kids in our lives and adults get minor tokens of affection like food treats. I hate listening to falalala in every freaking store from Halloween on knowing it's going to spur my media-saturated family to spend money they don't have on gifts their kids/friends don't need. Furthermore, the expectations for family gathering cheer are so inflated they're impossible, and mostly lead to tears and arguments between stressed, cash-poor, emotional people. it's all well and good to say people should have the holiday they want and only spend what they can afford, but if you have kids and work in the service industry, your media exposure wants you to have the holiday Madison Avenue demands, and spend as much as you must to do it.
Don't tell copyboy to lighten the hell up. If you don't have anything constructive to contribute other than to make the requestor feel bad, go stuff yourself up a chimney.
other than that, I second suggestions to volunteer for homeless and shut-ins. I guarantee you can't avoid xmas, but if you make someone else's better - someone who can't do it themselves - you might feel better too.
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:11 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
Don't tell copyboy to lighten the hell up. If you don't have anything constructive to contribute other than to make the requestor feel bad, go stuff yourself up a chimney.
other than that, I second suggestions to volunteer for homeless and shut-ins. I guarantee you can't avoid xmas, but if you make someone else's better - someone who can't do it themselves - you might feel better too.
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:11 PM on December 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
I say DON"T lighten up. "Bah, humbug" isn't enough. Rather it should be a big "fuck you and your fake religious excuse for consumerism and gluttony. Happy Amanita Festival."
"Merry Christmas" is proselytizing. I believe in your Coca-Cola-created fat man even less than I believe in your historically improbable magic baby. I don't know which would be worse, if someone actually believed this crap, or if they knew it was semi-nationalist cultural and religious fantasy and deluded themselves.
Why goodwill toward your fellow man now that the decorations at Wallgreen's say so? Suddenly you have values and compassion?
It's all fake. Every single thing that Christmas is is a fabrication or a delusion.
Once you realize that maybe you can enjoy it for what it is. A quaint cultural ritual carried out by the natives. You're not grumpy about the running of the bulls in Pamplona, are you? Not as long but very similar.
I give gifts (mostly weird things from flea markets or antique stores or things I don't buy at all) like a birthday (which I also have misgivings about), and simply don't respond to anything specifically Christmas related or remotely religious.
posted by cmoj at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009 [14 favorites]
"Merry Christmas" is proselytizing. I believe in your Coca-Cola-created fat man even less than I believe in your historically improbable magic baby. I don't know which would be worse, if someone actually believed this crap, or if they knew it was semi-nationalist cultural and religious fantasy and deluded themselves.
Why goodwill toward your fellow man now that the decorations at Wallgreen's say so? Suddenly you have values and compassion?
It's all fake. Every single thing that Christmas is is a fabrication or a delusion.
Once you realize that maybe you can enjoy it for what it is. A quaint cultural ritual carried out by the natives. You're not grumpy about the running of the bulls in Pamplona, are you? Not as long but very similar.
I give gifts (mostly weird things from flea markets or antique stores or things I don't buy at all) like a birthday (which I also have misgivings about), and simply don't respond to anything specifically Christmas related or remotely religious.
posted by cmoj at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009 [14 favorites]
sorry sorry sorry meant stenoboy really really sorry
I was fired up...
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009
I was fired up...
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009
I'm still not sure what the objection is, nadawi. Lots of people like college basketball, and get excited over March Madness, but I don't like basketball at all, so I don't watch it. But if people discuss it at work or at the bar, I'm not personally offended by this, nor do I hate the basketball fans for having the audacity to enjoy something that I don't.
Seriously, the answer to the question is to assume good faith on the part of the people around you and enjoy the holiday in whichever way you want.
posted by downing street memo at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Seriously, the answer to the question is to assume good faith on the part of the people around you and enjoy the holiday in whichever way you want.
posted by downing street memo at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
downing street memo, nobody gets pissed at you if you don't want to sing Southeast Regional carols in the breakroom; nobody thinks you're antisocial if you don't paint your face red and green; nobody thinks you have a bad attitude if you don't have your stockings stuffed and your tree draped in garland in time for tipoff. don't pretend anything, anything, anything compares to xmas and the whole cram-it-down-your-throat-itude that holiday aficionados get whenever anybody doesn't wear their fucking reindeer tie starting the first of november.
I'd just like to point out that nobody's trying to take your christmas away - he just asked for advice on how to keep zealots like you out of his face for the next three weeks. maybe you could lighten the hell up?
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:18 PM on December 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
I'd just like to point out that nobody's trying to take your christmas away - he just asked for advice on how to keep zealots like you out of his face for the next three weeks. maybe you could lighten the hell up?
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:18 PM on December 4, 2009 [2 favorites]
Mod note: A few comments removed. Folks, try to stick to either constructively answering the question or staying out the the thread. Enough of the lighten-the-hell-up stuff.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:20 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:20 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
If, for three months out of the year, every year, for my entire life, I was subjected to songs about how Golf Is The Most Wonderful Sport or essays about The True Meaning of Moon Shot, I would likely hate those things as much as I hate Christmas. I think the trick, for both the OP and myself and for anyone else who dislikes the holiday, is to minimize one's exposure to it wherever one can.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:54 PM on December 4 [1 favorite +] [!]
I think this is a great point. I celebrate the holidays, but in the past, it'd been difficult for me. I get ulcers. I stress. I never felt the cozy holiday feeling and I really tried - going to the mall, listening to the music, shopping, baking up a storm, decorating as much as humanly possible using every awful decoration that was ever given to us. It all sucked.
But this year . . .I haven't stepped inside a store this entire "season" to do Christmas shopping. I, instead did some online shopping. No lines, no annoying Christmas music (instead I have a few favorite Christmas cd's that I listen to at home - no Santa Baby!), no nauseating excess, no baking - unless I want to, no preconceived notions of how things are supposed to be. I just kinda do what I want. And it's been GREAT!
The decorations I put up this year have been stuff that I really liked. Not stuff that I thought I was supposed to like. And I didn't feel like I HAD to decorate the entire house - instead we decorated one room, and it's fun to go in there throughout the day and feel a little festive.
Like ifjuly said, we're adults now and the cool thing is we can do what we want! It's our turn to do it our way - and it's no one's business how we choose (or not choose) to celebrate.
posted by Sassyfras at 3:24 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg Nog at 2:54 PM on December 4 [1 favorite +] [!]
I think this is a great point. I celebrate the holidays, but in the past, it'd been difficult for me. I get ulcers. I stress. I never felt the cozy holiday feeling and I really tried - going to the mall, listening to the music, shopping, baking up a storm, decorating as much as humanly possible using every awful decoration that was ever given to us. It all sucked.
But this year . . .I haven't stepped inside a store this entire "season" to do Christmas shopping. I, instead did some online shopping. No lines, no annoying Christmas music (instead I have a few favorite Christmas cd's that I listen to at home - no Santa Baby!), no nauseating excess, no baking - unless I want to, no preconceived notions of how things are supposed to be. I just kinda do what I want. And it's been GREAT!
The decorations I put up this year have been stuff that I really liked. Not stuff that I thought I was supposed to like. And I didn't feel like I HAD to decorate the entire house - instead we decorated one room, and it's fun to go in there throughout the day and feel a little festive.
Like ifjuly said, we're adults now and the cool thing is we can do what we want! It's our turn to do it our way - and it's no one's business how we choose (or not choose) to celebrate.
posted by Sassyfras at 3:24 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
downing street memo, I've reread the OP and decided that either you're trolling or you haven't read it yourself. he doesn't want to come into your house and repossess your Who Rare Roast Beast - he wants to know how to not feel beset by people like you who think that everyone should love christmas just like they do, or else they're bad people.
I don't get where you're finding disdain in his attitude - I see stress and frustration. you seem excessively concerned that other people love the same things you love. ain't gonna happen. my advice to you is to enjoy the holiday your way and don't get your feelings hurt if somebody else isn't as into it as you are.
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:28 PM on December 4, 2009
I don't get where you're finding disdain in his attitude - I see stress and frustration. you seem excessively concerned that other people love the same things you love. ain't gonna happen. my advice to you is to enjoy the holiday your way and don't get your feelings hurt if somebody else isn't as into it as you are.
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:28 PM on December 4, 2009
Hang out with people who aren't Christian. Seriously.
The December season gets to me because I'm Jewish. I don't hate Christmas, I just can't deal with the overload - I don't think that a lot of people really understand how all pervasive and in your face Christmas is. Lights in the streets, people wishing you a Merry Christmas, music everywhere, people dressing in red and green, trees everywhere, decorations in every store (not just gift buying locations: the grocery store, the pharmacy, and so on). Some years it doesn't bug me and some years to gets my panties in a bundle.
Things I do: work on Christmas, volunteer on Christmas (delivered presents to kids on an oncology wing for about four years, helped deliver meals to people when I was a kid), go out for Chinese (this also works for other holidays you'd like to avoid, like St. Patrick's day - my ethnically Irish bartender former boyfriend got this idea from me and has enjoyed peaceful St. Patrick's days ever since). Avoid television or use that mute button.
Other suggestions: Go camping. Go hiking. Travel to a non-Christian majority country. Insulate yourself with an iPod or the suchlike. Tell the people around you that Christmas is a hard time for you - sure you'll get a few who can't let it go, but I think that there will be other people who will understand. Phrase it carefully: tell them that it is the "buy, buy, buy" that bothers you - some Christians as well as the non-religious have problems with this as well. Rent a bunch of non-Christmas associated movies.
You're not alone.
posted by sciencegeek at 3:39 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
The December season gets to me because I'm Jewish. I don't hate Christmas, I just can't deal with the overload - I don't think that a lot of people really understand how all pervasive and in your face Christmas is. Lights in the streets, people wishing you a Merry Christmas, music everywhere, people dressing in red and green, trees everywhere, decorations in every store (not just gift buying locations: the grocery store, the pharmacy, and so on). Some years it doesn't bug me and some years to gets my panties in a bundle.
Things I do: work on Christmas, volunteer on Christmas (delivered presents to kids on an oncology wing for about four years, helped deliver meals to people when I was a kid), go out for Chinese (this also works for other holidays you'd like to avoid, like St. Patrick's day - my ethnically Irish bartender former boyfriend got this idea from me and has enjoyed peaceful St. Patrick's days ever since). Avoid television or use that mute button.
Other suggestions: Go camping. Go hiking. Travel to a non-Christian majority country. Insulate yourself with an iPod or the suchlike. Tell the people around you that Christmas is a hard time for you - sure you'll get a few who can't let it go, but I think that there will be other people who will understand. Phrase it carefully: tell them that it is the "buy, buy, buy" that bothers you - some Christians as well as the non-religious have problems with this as well. Rent a bunch of non-Christmas associated movies.
You're not alone.
posted by sciencegeek at 3:39 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Look, I understand. I'm a Christian, this is supposed to be the celebration of Jesus' birthday (inaccurate date and all) and...well, having to endure things like Walmart this time of year is quite annoying.
I just pull into myself a bit this time of year, avoiding what I can and girding my loins for what I can't...I can endure and actually enjoy a Christmas party or two but I hate Christmas cantatas and specials-yes, I skip church for that! (Oh, the horror.)
I also find it helpful to limit my tv and radio exposure, as much of the buybuybuy is from those sources.
(Count your blessings. At least you aren't held hostage to taking care of what seems like a gazillion temperamental poinsettias like I am at my job...)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:40 PM on December 4, 2009
I just pull into myself a bit this time of year, avoiding what I can and girding my loins for what I can't...I can endure and actually enjoy a Christmas party or two but I hate Christmas cantatas and specials-yes, I skip church for that! (Oh, the horror.)
I also find it helpful to limit my tv and radio exposure, as much of the buybuybuy is from those sources.
(Count your blessings. At least you aren't held hostage to taking care of what seems like a gazillion temperamental poinsettias like I am at my job...)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:40 PM on December 4, 2009
Recovering cynic here. Conversation-wise, I deflect the constant talk about presents etc. by refocusing on anything else important. E.G:
"Merry Christmas, Hardcore! Done your shopping yet?"
"Hi [BogusBonhomie], how are you?"
"We're Great! Just picked up the new iPhone for the parents. Hey, better get out there, the malls are CRAZY."
"Your parents? Are you seeing them soon? Give my regards."
"Sure will. Going to the Festival of Lights this year? We've got our house lights entered; you should see them. 300 strands this year!"
"Yes, but I still want to know, how are YOU? What's up with your [Job/Hobby/Sports League]? Where have you gone lately; what new experiences? What do you have planned for the year ahead?"
...
(This may take a while for the subtle conversational cues to sink in.)
If all else fails just exit gracefully and quickly, a la Ace Ventura:
"Super. Take care now, Bye-bye then." (Tip: Don't do the voice.)
posted by Hardcore Poser at 3:55 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
"Merry Christmas, Hardcore! Done your shopping yet?"
"Hi [BogusBonhomie], how are you?"
"We're Great! Just picked up the new iPhone for the parents. Hey, better get out there, the malls are CRAZY."
"Your parents? Are you seeing them soon? Give my regards."
"Sure will. Going to the Festival of Lights this year? We've got our house lights entered; you should see them. 300 strands this year!"
"Yes, but I still want to know, how are YOU? What's up with your [Job/Hobby/Sports League]? Where have you gone lately; what new experiences? What do you have planned for the year ahead?"
...
(This may take a while for the subtle conversational cues to sink in.)
If all else fails just exit gracefully and quickly, a la Ace Ventura:
"Super. Take care now, Bye-bye then." (Tip: Don't do the voice.)
posted by Hardcore Poser at 3:55 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Nthing the ideas of volunteering and spending the holiday with non-Christians. I've been told by Jewish friends that Chinese is what's generally open on Christmas and I know a group that gets together and eats Chinese food and goes to the movie. And personally the best Christmas I spent as an adult was the year I was waiting for my divorce to come through: I worked the Superfeast and went home counting my blessings instead of feeling cynical about commercialism.
I also give you permission to borrow my dad, who died two days before Christmas when I was in college. We buried him on Boxing Day. I'm a huge grinch myself for a variety of reasons, and I've found that "this season is hard for me because it reminds me of my father's death" (which is true) is enough to shut all but the hardcore jolliness-enforcers up.
posted by immlass at 4:10 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I also give you permission to borrow my dad, who died two days before Christmas when I was in college. We buried him on Boxing Day. I'm a huge grinch myself for a variety of reasons, and I've found that "this season is hard for me because it reminds me of my father's death" (which is true) is enough to shut all but the hardcore jolliness-enforcers up.
posted by immlass at 4:10 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Mod note: one more time folks - go to metatalk or email, stop derailing this thread. thank you.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:30 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:30 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Ignore things that bother you. Whether that means "don't let the bastards get you down" or "lose the ego and realize everyone else isn't enjoying themselves just to annoy you" is up to you.
posted by gjc at 5:13 PM on December 4, 2009
posted by gjc at 5:13 PM on December 4, 2009
Ah, one more antidote that I developed last February:
Every time you hear the Kay Jewelers commercial, replace their slogan with "Every poop begins with P"
It solves Valentine's Day as well.
posted by sciencegeek at 5:27 PM on December 4, 2009 [13 favorites]
Every time you hear the Kay Jewelers commercial, replace their slogan with "Every poop begins with P"
It solves Valentine's Day as well.
posted by sciencegeek at 5:27 PM on December 4, 2009 [13 favorites]
Where are you getting bombarded from? Kids? Relatives? Co-workers? TV? The source will determine the best way to deal with it.
Kids: I don't have any so I probably shouldn't advise you here, but I'm tempted to say that you might use Xmas as an opportunity to explain how capitalism really works (advertising creates demand, makes stuff seem more shiny and desirable than it really is, etc). A little gentle cynicism, imparted early, can minimize painful disillusionment later.
Relatives: give them a kindly brushoff, using any of the good ideas upthread. These are people you don't want to hurt and can't totally avoid, so you tell them you're swamped at work, gotta finish a major project before the end of the year, whatever. Don't have time to go to parties, go Xmas shopping with/for them, or anything else. Play the "too busy at work" card with an appropriately regretful air and you'll seem like a responsible grownup rather than an incorrigible grouch. If you absolutely must give presents, buy online and don't agonize over getting the perfect gift - in fact, an impersonal present like an Amazon.com gift card can be a good hint that you're not playing the Xmas game.
Co-workers: they'll know if you're not actually all that busy but you can still fake it a little. Wear headphones, eat lunch alone at your desk, find a bunch of tasks you need to wrap up before the end of the year and actually do them (bonus: it feels really good to get a bunch of piddly stuff off your to-do list). If they want to go out for a group lunch, offer to to stay behind to answer the phones, receive packages, etc. Decline invitations to after-hours socializing; you don't owe them any explanations but the all-purpose "Sorry, I have other plans" always works. (Nobody needs to know your plans are to do the laundry and read MetaFilter.) Bonhomie at the water cooler can't be avoided entirely but can be minimized by staying out of the "social" areas like the lunch room. If you do get caught in holiday chitchat, excuse yourself to get back to work. You're a grinch with a strong work ethic - what's wrong with that?
TV/media/shopping malls etc: avoid avoid avoid. See upthread for logistical solutions. If you must venture into consumerland, try to find a few things to enjoy. Some of the decorations are quite pretty, a brass quintet playing on a street corner is nifty, department store windows can be works of art that don't actually shill any of the merchandise inside the store - try to spot these noncommercial rarities and savor them.
Over time your attitude toward the holidays might mellow. As a child I always found Xmas a big letdown - my presents were always disappointing and there was always some stupid family drama that spoiled everything. As a young adult I was cynical and sick of it all, but now I kind of enjoy the holidays. The difference is that I've learned to tune out the commercialism to the point where I truly don't feel like any of it affects me. I mostly don't buy stuff and that's still true in November and December. Exhortations to consume just roll off me, so now I see the decorations and music as transient pleasures that bring light and cheer to the cold darkness of winter. I even enjoy seeing the businessmen downtown sporting bright red vests and bow ties (although I draw the line at Santa sweatshirts on soccer moms). There is genuine pleasure mixed in with the consumerism, so you can find things to enjoy while ignoring the bullshit. Without any snark at all: happy holidays!
posted by Quietgal at 7:19 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Kids: I don't have any so I probably shouldn't advise you here, but I'm tempted to say that you might use Xmas as an opportunity to explain how capitalism really works (advertising creates demand, makes stuff seem more shiny and desirable than it really is, etc). A little gentle cynicism, imparted early, can minimize painful disillusionment later.
Relatives: give them a kindly brushoff, using any of the good ideas upthread. These are people you don't want to hurt and can't totally avoid, so you tell them you're swamped at work, gotta finish a major project before the end of the year, whatever. Don't have time to go to parties, go Xmas shopping with/for them, or anything else. Play the "too busy at work" card with an appropriately regretful air and you'll seem like a responsible grownup rather than an incorrigible grouch. If you absolutely must give presents, buy online and don't agonize over getting the perfect gift - in fact, an impersonal present like an Amazon.com gift card can be a good hint that you're not playing the Xmas game.
Co-workers: they'll know if you're not actually all that busy but you can still fake it a little. Wear headphones, eat lunch alone at your desk, find a bunch of tasks you need to wrap up before the end of the year and actually do them (bonus: it feels really good to get a bunch of piddly stuff off your to-do list). If they want to go out for a group lunch, offer to to stay behind to answer the phones, receive packages, etc. Decline invitations to after-hours socializing; you don't owe them any explanations but the all-purpose "Sorry, I have other plans" always works. (Nobody needs to know your plans are to do the laundry and read MetaFilter.) Bonhomie at the water cooler can't be avoided entirely but can be minimized by staying out of the "social" areas like the lunch room. If you do get caught in holiday chitchat, excuse yourself to get back to work. You're a grinch with a strong work ethic - what's wrong with that?
TV/media/shopping malls etc: avoid avoid avoid. See upthread for logistical solutions. If you must venture into consumerland, try to find a few things to enjoy. Some of the decorations are quite pretty, a brass quintet playing on a street corner is nifty, department store windows can be works of art that don't actually shill any of the merchandise inside the store - try to spot these noncommercial rarities and savor them.
Over time your attitude toward the holidays might mellow. As a child I always found Xmas a big letdown - my presents were always disappointing and there was always some stupid family drama that spoiled everything. As a young adult I was cynical and sick of it all, but now I kind of enjoy the holidays. The difference is that I've learned to tune out the commercialism to the point where I truly don't feel like any of it affects me. I mostly don't buy stuff and that's still true in November and December. Exhortations to consume just roll off me, so now I see the decorations and music as transient pleasures that bring light and cheer to the cold darkness of winter. I even enjoy seeing the businessmen downtown sporting bright red vests and bow ties (although I draw the line at Santa sweatshirts on soccer moms). There is genuine pleasure mixed in with the consumerism, so you can find things to enjoy while ignoring the bullshit. Without any snark at all: happy holidays!
posted by Quietgal at 7:19 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
"This year I've decided to do the absolute minimum"
I think you've found the key to surviving Xmas. I had great Xmases as a kid also, but this was before the common agreement not to mention it until after Thanksgiving broke. (I saw my first Xmas commercial this year before Halloween). Now I'm so sick of the entire thing that it's a relief when the new year comes.
All the advice about avoiding TV shows is sound. Nothing gets me going like the Very Special Episode where the protagonist realizes What Really Matters during the Christmas Season; although that can be rather fun to watch cynically--ooh, look, he sees the homeless person and the carolers are singing Silent Night! He's going to try to act now! Awwww!
More difficult are the people who shove it down your throat like you're a foie gras goose. When someone starts being difficult to me--"What?? You're not having a Christmas tree?"--I usually smile and conspiratorially say, "You know, a little known fact about holidays is that you get to do whatever you want. That's what makes them holidays." This actually makes me feel like I am spreading some holiday joy: I see so many people stressing out about things they "need" to do, so it cheers me up to let people know that they do have a choice. (In an absolutely nice way, of course; no point in being a jerk about it.)
posted by sfkiddo at 8:07 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
I think you've found the key to surviving Xmas. I had great Xmases as a kid also, but this was before the common agreement not to mention it until after Thanksgiving broke. (I saw my first Xmas commercial this year before Halloween). Now I'm so sick of the entire thing that it's a relief when the new year comes.
All the advice about avoiding TV shows is sound. Nothing gets me going like the Very Special Episode where the protagonist realizes What Really Matters during the Christmas Season; although that can be rather fun to watch cynically--ooh, look, he sees the homeless person and the carolers are singing Silent Night! He's going to try to act now! Awwww!
More difficult are the people who shove it down your throat like you're a foie gras goose. When someone starts being difficult to me--"What?? You're not having a Christmas tree?"--I usually smile and conspiratorially say, "You know, a little known fact about holidays is that you get to do whatever you want. That's what makes them holidays." This actually makes me feel like I am spreading some holiday joy: I see so many people stressing out about things they "need" to do, so it cheers me up to let people know that they do have a choice. (In an absolutely nice way, of course; no point in being a jerk about it.)
posted by sfkiddo at 8:07 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Try looking for the strangest Xmas traditions you can find and trot them out to counter the lamer modern ones. Tell people you can't go to their party because you have to listen to the talking animals or burn your yule log or something.
Only attend one event (and not even that if you don't have to). Pick one Xmas song you don't mind and turn it up loud if anyone complains about your grumpiness (The Kinks - Father Christmas comes to mind).
Start a blog and every day, rant about another thing that irritates you about the Longest Holiday.
Tell your friends and family to save their Xmas cheer until January or February when you might be more in need of it.
Good luck running the red and green gauntlet.
posted by irisclara at 8:10 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
Only attend one event (and not even that if you don't have to). Pick one Xmas song you don't mind and turn it up loud if anyone complains about your grumpiness (The Kinks - Father Christmas comes to mind).
Start a blog and every day, rant about another thing that irritates you about the Longest Holiday.
Tell your friends and family to save their Xmas cheer until January or February when you might be more in need of it.
Good luck running the red and green gauntlet.
posted by irisclara at 8:10 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]
My own thing is to talk about other people's Christmassy Christmasness, and just sit with it as something they dig and I don't. When people wish me a Merry Christmas, I say "I hope you enjoy it" and so on, and parry questions about my own Christmasness with "It's not really my thing, but I wish you all the best" and what-not.
But I'm fortunate in not having Mandatory Christmas in my life, being self-employed (thus no office Christmas) and married to a religion-hating person who was raised Jewish. I only got through the Mandatory Christmas stuff back in my days of working for others by gritting my teeth.
The Largely Mythological Husband and I have invented new words to all Christmas carols ("It's the most horrible time of the year!" "Frosty the Snowman was Jesus Christ's best friend" etc.) so that takes a bit of the sting out of the endless soundtrack.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:33 PM on December 4, 2009
But I'm fortunate in not having Mandatory Christmas in my life, being self-employed (thus no office Christmas) and married to a religion-hating person who was raised Jewish. I only got through the Mandatory Christmas stuff back in my days of working for others by gritting my teeth.
The Largely Mythological Husband and I have invented new words to all Christmas carols ("It's the most horrible time of the year!" "Frosty the Snowman was Jesus Christ's best friend" etc.) so that takes a bit of the sting out of the endless soundtrack.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:33 PM on December 4, 2009
There are a lot of parts of Christmas that I don't dig. Rampant consumerism and mythologies that I don't buy. Working in retail when I was younger pretty much killed Christmas music for me.
But I have dealt with it by finding my own personal significant things in the season.
The winter solstice is the day when the light begins to return and has traditions associated with it in most every culture I am aware of.
I don't really watch TV anyway or listen to the radio. And I usually just make some granola or biscotti and give that to the few people who ignoring would cause uncomfortable repercussions.
Personally working during Christmas doesn't seem like a good method to try escape the feeling of "inevitability and inability to get away from it quite confining." If it really bothers you get out of town and do something that you really enjoy.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 1:51 AM on December 5, 2009
But I have dealt with it by finding my own personal significant things in the season.
The winter solstice is the day when the light begins to return and has traditions associated with it in most every culture I am aware of.
I don't really watch TV anyway or listen to the radio. And I usually just make some granola or biscotti and give that to the few people who ignoring would cause uncomfortable repercussions.
Personally working during Christmas doesn't seem like a good method to try escape the feeling of "inevitability and inability to get away from it quite confining." If it really bothers you get out of town and do something that you really enjoy.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 1:51 AM on December 5, 2009
Memorize some good jokes and be ready to tell them. Some suitable for kids, some for polite situations with adults, some for drunk uncles. You will make everyone happier, improve any dreadful event you have to attend, and be welcome anywhere there are other bored, stressed people. If you start other people telling jokes, all the better. It won't cost you a nickel and it might get you laid.
But: give a little money at every charitable opportunity. Throw some change into every Salvation Army bucket you see. If you get carried away and end up without enough cash to buy a few extra shitty Christmas gewgaws for people who need nothing, that's fine. Tell them the truth: you got a little carried away and threw your extra money into charity this year. "Sorry, Aunt Rose. I was out looking for presents for you and Uncle Jimmy, I was down to the last X bucks in my Christmas budget, and I dropped it into a Salvation Army bucket instead of getting you the usual hideous crap. At least you won't have to pretend you like it!"
And then be ready with a joke or two.
posted by pracowity at 10:29 AM on December 5, 2009
But: give a little money at every charitable opportunity. Throw some change into every Salvation Army bucket you see. If you get carried away and end up without enough cash to buy a few extra shitty Christmas gewgaws for people who need nothing, that's fine. Tell them the truth: you got a little carried away and threw your extra money into charity this year. "Sorry, Aunt Rose. I was out looking for presents for you and Uncle Jimmy, I was down to the last X bucks in my Christmas budget, and I dropped it into a Salvation Army bucket instead of getting you the usual hideous crap. At least you won't have to pretend you like it!"
And then be ready with a joke or two.
posted by pracowity at 10:29 AM on December 5, 2009
Throw some change into every Salvation Army bucket
Or not, if you don't want to support an organization that proselytizes and discriminates against gay and lesbian employees.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:44 PM on December 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Or not, if you don't want to support an organization that proselytizes and discriminates against gay and lesbian employees.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:44 PM on December 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Well, yes, you should always choose your charities well, but don't let perfect be the enemy of good. Giving your extra cash to almost any charity whose primary goals include feeding and sheltering people in need is much better than giving it to people whose primary goals include remaining very rich and powerful by selling toy guns and pointy shoes and hamburgers.
posted by pracowity at 12:50 AM on December 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 12:50 AM on December 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
We celebrate Christmas every two or three years. The years that we aren't celebrating, we go away somewhere (usually warm) and just ignore the whole thing. Then we really enjoy the holidays when we choose to. This is an "on" year and we're making the most of it.
posted by Gusaroo at 1:56 PM on December 6, 2009
posted by Gusaroo at 1:56 PM on December 6, 2009
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posted by ifjuly at 2:12 PM on December 4, 2009 [1 favorite]