I really, really want to write creatively but I hate writing creatively. WTF?
All my life, I've really enjoyed telling stories, both in my head and verbally to other people. I come up with elaborate movie plots, novel characters, personal essays, all in my head, where of course they sound brilliant! I never tire of this.
But when I sit down to actually write these things out, it is absolute torture. I hate it! The images, dialog and characters that are so clear and interesting in my head come out wooden and flat on the page. And it feels like such excruciating drudgery to type out in detail the action that goes wooshing by in my head.
Occasionally, I'll get into it, and will really enjoy writing for an hour or so. Man, there is nothing like that awesome high of starting your story out in one place and then having the act of writing it down take it in a completely new direction! But then when I try to come back to it later, I'm always disappointed with how awful it seems on review.
I understand that part of this is just the fact that I need to embrace my shitty first drafts
, and I am trying. And there's a part of me that says if this is such a miserable experience, I should just stop. It's not like I'm such a genius that the world will suffer from me not writing! But that feels like stifling myself and is also frustrating.
Oddly, I write a lot for work and never have this problem there. In fact, the writing projects I do at work are some of my favorite parts of the job. But that is a completely different kind of writing - totally impersonal, and not in my "voice."
I understand that this is pretty universal among writers. So how do I get past this? Is it worth it to try, or is the fact that I'm getting so easily discouraged mean I'm not meant to be a writer?