Eat the Humans!

January 11, 2005 7:30 PM

So let's say, hypothetically, I wanted to throw a party of some kind, themed around monster movies. The twist, though, is that we'll be rooting for the monsters. To this end, I want to find human-shaped food. [crunchy bits inside]
posted by wanderingmind to food & drink (33 comments total)

Gingerbread cookies?
posted by sophie at 7:32 PM on January 11, 2005

Gingerbread men are a pretty obvious choice for dessert, but what would serve as a main course? Or appetizers? Side dishes? I'm not afraid of cooking, so pointers to recipes would be appreciated.

...Also, the reason for this isn't out of any kind of hatred for humanity in general, nor is it the result of some weird cannibalism fetish (I swear). It's just a weird idea I had that I'm looking for answers to.
posted by wanderingmind at 7:33 PM on January 11, 2005

mmm...wieners?
posted by contessa at 7:37 PM on January 11, 2005

I think your party theme sounds fantastic. :-)

You can make a jello meat head.

Or you can always find a brain-shaped mold and make a jello brain.
posted by tastybrains at 7:38 PM on January 11, 2005

Would it be possible to get a nice pork roast and stick on a temporary tattoo, to give it a nice "manflesh" appearance?

Drinks are Bloody Marys, of course.

Whole, shelled walnuts look like "braaaaainns!"
posted by SPrintF at 7:42 PM on January 11, 2005

The first thing that comes to my mind is ribs...
posted by Space Kitty at 7:42 PM on January 11, 2005

Okay, I like the answers I'm getting so far, but I was looking for things more along the lines of "small edible person-shaped things" rather than "edible simulations of body parts". 5 answers in 12 minutes, though - I'm impressed.
posted by wanderingmind at 7:47 PM on January 11, 2005

How about adding green food coloring to something and calling it soylent green? Or just adding the adjective "soylent" to whatever you're serving?
posted by sophie at 7:47 PM on January 11, 2005

If you're handy with a knife you can always try to make people-shaped mini-sandwiches. People shaped cookies are probably your best bet.
posted by tastybrains at 8:00 PM on January 11, 2005

If you buy a bunch of the gingerbread molds of varying sizes, you could use those to make all manner of human-shaped stuff - pancakes, omelets, etc. You could use them to punch stuff out of a larger thing, too - like a big plate of lasagna (don't ask me what kind of party serves pancakes and lasagna).

But I would use the gingerbread mold to shape crackers or punch out pieces of bread and then crisp that up, to use as a base for some kind of appetizer. My favorite is drizzling honey on top of a nice cheese (like pecorino romano) on toast, then broiling it - so delicious.
posted by milkrate at 8:01 PM on January 11, 2005

I suppose you could use sausages or something to make torsos, and use toothpicks to add on the extremities. Slice into one end (making a "V") to create legs, and use toothpicks to add capers for eyes, picks on the sides to add little pickles for arms and a pimento or thinly sliced roasted red pepper for the mouth.
posted by sophie at 8:07 PM on January 11, 2005

Ladyfingers! Just make sure you leave the box around so people know what they are.

And you HAVE to get one of these!
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:15 PM on January 11, 2005

Though that would be most ideal for the zombie party.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:16 PM on January 11, 2005

I'd also follow the Simpsons' lead and have bloody arrowhead cookies -- christmas-tree cookies frosted grey/white with red tips.

Also, you could make a cake that's shaped like a human, or a face, by cutting off the parts that are the wrong shape, frosting with white frosting mixed with red / pink / brown / whatever colors you'd need to get the right flesh tone.

The cake itself? Vanilla or yellow, dyed bright red.

Were you to go the "face" route, I'd recommend maybe Raymond Burr, or Ed Wood, or just a surprised and frightened resident of Tokyo... NO DAMMIT. There can be only one: Gary Coleman. You must eat Gary Coleman's face.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:28 PM on January 11, 2005

OK, this may sound gross (I've never tried it). But I've seen pet biscuits called "human crackers" or something along those lines. (Think animal crackers, but with the foot on the other shoe -- er, paw, hoof, whatever.)

If they're edible, why not? Gotta taste better than hermit crabs. :)
posted by aberrant at 8:29 PM on January 11, 2005

Flinstone vitamins!

Er...that might not be the best idea.
posted by duck at 8:32 PM on January 11, 2005

Meatloaf + cake molds, or carve up spam into little people.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:47 PM on January 11, 2005

To riff on Sophie's comment: Wheatgrass juice . . . It's green, Soylent Green. Soylent Green is . . . people!

Or, alternatively lamb's tongues that you can find at a fine butcher and pass off as parts of children.

Excuse me, I think I need to shower.
posted by donovan at 8:47 PM on January 11, 2005

Thorax Cake.
Zombie Cake.
posted by dong_resin at 8:52 PM on January 11, 2005

Human fingers are tasty. You can make gray jello by combining orange and grape. Add vodka for "brain shooters."
posted by theora55 at 8:55 PM on January 11, 2005

Homemade pizza with crust in the shape of a human body, red sauce, and toppings representing specific parts.
posted by quam at 8:56 PM on January 11, 2005

If you can find a person-shaped cookie cutter you could punch people out of a slab of polenta. Then fry/broil them and top them with mushrooms and tomato sauce, or something along those lines.
posted by O9scar at 9:09 PM on January 11, 2005

quam has it.

Make pizza dough.

Use gingerbread-man cutters to cut the ready-to-go dough into MAN-SHAPES! of various sizes.

Take some of your man-pizzas and arrange them together, overlapping as needed, so that it makes a larger man-shape -- you've just created FRACTAL PIZZA MAN! The world will hail you as its leader, or else!

Apply toppings, making sure to make a face, hands, etc out of the toppings, bake, and then people get a man-shaped slice of the man-shaped pizza.

Or arrange the man-shaped pizzalets so that they're fleeing from Godzilla or the Beast from 20,000 Fathoms or whatever, with some torn in two, and some with Heat-Ray holes through them, etc. Add some other animals as well if you're following this plan.

And then eat Gary Coleman's head.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:20 PM on January 11, 2005

To continue the sausage ideas-- you could make "cowboy hot dogs" by making one cut for the legs, one cut along each side for the arms, and two notches above the arms for the head (or "cowboy hat"). Fry them, and the edges will curl up, making them more cowboy-shaped. Use cocktail-sized weenies, and serve them in a warm sauce made of currant jam and mustard, mixed to taste and color. Hunt and kill your prey with fondue sticks.
posted by obloquy at 10:38 PM on January 11, 2005

My favorite is Girl Scout cookies, made from real Girl Scouts.

Anything made with Spam qualifies. We called it Soylent Spam in my far-off youth. Spam isn't bad on pizza.
posted by Goofyy at 12:24 AM on January 12, 2005

Bachelorette Party Cakes
posted by growabrain at 1:36 AM on January 12, 2005

I think you could make an eddible street.

People:
You can find Cheez-It crackers in the shape of cartoon characters pretty often, so pick up the most human looking (I remember a Rugrats version) you can find. Also, McNuggets sometimes come shaped as cartoons, so you could probably make your own.

Buildings:
Crackers of various sizes. Take some cheeze-whiz (or glue, these crackers are not for eating) and attach square crackers to the outside of boxes (like those milk carton graham cracker houses you made in school). Add doors and windows in the form of other crackers. If you're cunning, you can leave some space on top of the building to store crackers for snacking.

Cars:
Use a knife to sculpt some blocks of cheese in the shapes of cars or busses.

Trees:
Brocolli. Have a little fountain of dip nearby.

The whole spread could take up a table if you get really into it. You could make a fake burnt-out building (no doubt blasted by atomic breath) full of chicken tenders. Popcorn can make good piles of rubble. Mini-eggrolls could be put on back of an army-like toy for edible "missiles."

It all depends on what people want to eat and how much time you want to take.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:57 AM on January 12, 2005

you can also make mini meatloafs in person/bodypart shapes.
posted by amberglow at 8:02 AM on January 12, 2005

You can buy pasta in the shape of penises. Women will crack up. Men might have trouble choking it down.
posted by raedyn at 8:08 AM on January 12, 2005

They do make pasta boobs too. Just for equality's sake.
posted by chicobangs at 8:24 AM on January 12, 2005

you should check out stupid.com and Archie MacPhee's. I believe they have candy in the shape of body parts (mmm ear wax candy) and jello molds based on human organs.
posted by rodz at 9:48 AM on January 12, 2005

Again on the gingerbread cookie cutter thing:
Get several packages of extra firm tofu and cut into 1/2" slices so that each slice can be cut with the cookie cutter.
Cut into human shape.
Dredge lightly in flour, gently shaking off the excess.
Dip into a bowl with one or two well-beaten eggs.
Dip into a a bowl with a mix of:
1 C corn meal (yellow or white)
1/2 t salt
2 t curry powder --or-- 1 t oregano, black pepper, 1 t basil, 1/4 t red pepper

Cook in a well-buttered frying pan on both sides until golden brown and delicious.


If you have a sausage stuffer, stuff the vegetarian type of casing (needs no cooking) with cooked sausage meat that you can shape into a nice set of intestines - maybe if you set up a dummy on the serving table you can have the body cavity open to pull out sections of guts and cut them off with kitchen shears...

We're all, hypothetically, invited right?
posted by plinth at 11:55 AM on January 12, 2005

You could make a cake city, then let your monster friends go Godzilla on it. Hide jelly babies in the middle of the cake batter so you can pluck them out and bite their heads off.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:11 PM on January 12, 2005