Schizoaffective question

November 24, 2009 6:21 AM

Has anybody ever dated someone whom is schizoaffective, which is a combination of a mood disorder and psychotic symptoms. If you have , have you experienced being dumped without an explanation when you thought everything was going well.
posted by villazapat to human relations (7 comments total)

I was involved with someone who was schizoaffective in high school. I don't know how much of his behavior I can blame on his diagnosis (certainly, the auditory hallucinations and delusions of grandeur he told me about could be blamed on that), but the whole thing didn't go well at all--I eventually found out I was one of several girls he'd been involved with simultaneously, and that he was cheating on an actual girlfriend with me, without telling me, or, of course, her. Suffice to say, I dumped him.

Good luck to you.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 6:29 AM on November 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

I've been dumped without explanation when I thought everything was going well by someone who is not schizoaffective. Some people are just jackasses.

By which I mean to say, it's not necessarily related. I hope that you keep in mind that whatever this person's difficulties are, you do have the right to be treated a certain way and if their disorder doesn't allow them to treat you as you deserve, you have the right to walk away for self-protection.

Best of luck to you.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 6:38 AM on November 24, 2009

This has happened to me before with people who have no mental health diagnosis at all. I think it has happened to a lot of people, for a variety of reasons. Was the person you were dating symptomatic, hearing voices, delusional, hallucinating, at the time of the break up? Because without establishing causality between the underlying disorder and a behavior it's not necessarily fair to blame the disorder for a certain behavior just because you don't like what the person did. It sort of contributes to the stigma that people with mental illness struggle with. You could probably clarify the issue a lot by asking the person why they dumped you.
posted by The Straightener at 6:41 AM on November 24, 2009 [1 favorite]

No, I disagree with the usually brilliant The Straightener. Asking "why?" after a breakup is rarely a good idea. I know you feel you need closure but the answer you get will either be "It's not you, it's me" which doesn't help you, or else a list of all the things that are wrong with you - some of which may be true, some not. Just hurtful words to torture yourself over. This person doesn't want to be with you, which is a good thing, because now you are free to find people that DO want to be with you (and they are out there).
posted by saucysault at 7:26 AM on November 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

A word to the wise... given the abundant choices of potential mates, and the relatively rare opportunity to make a choice, it seems prudent to make a choice with less chance of serious problems. (Shizoaffective disorder? Seems like kind of a big thing to me.)

I'm not saying you should avoid the handicapped, but you might want to ask yourself if you are up for a very long interval of problem accommodation? Relationships are hard when everyone is healthy, experienced and mature. They grow more difficult when sickness, immaturity or inexperience are present.

Choose well. You're the one who gets to choose.
posted by FauxScot at 7:45 AM on November 24, 2009 [2 favorites]

No, I disagree with the usually brilliant The Straightener. Asking "why?" after a breakup is rarely a good idea.

Oh, I totally agree and never do myself. However, if the OP is unclear as to whether or not the person's mental illness was a causal factor in his being dumped, the only way to know for sure is to ask the person if it was or not. Otherwise, I think the temptation is to blame the disorder when maybe it had nothing to do with the disorder as well. I think this can potentially lead to very unhealthy prejudgements about people with mental health disorders. For instance, FauxScot's above characterization of people with mental illness as "handicapped" and his suggestion that the poster stay away from "sick" people is basically exactly what I think people should avoid when discussing mental illness.
posted by The Straightener at 7:58 AM on November 24, 2009 [3 favorites]

Thanks so much your responses have really giiven me clarification and I feel much better.
posted by villazapat at 5:21 PM on November 24, 2009