A friend who hates mothering
November 12, 2009 6:30 PM Subscribe
A friend who hates mothering. Ideas?
posted by LittleMissCranky to human relations (32 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
A longtime friend of mine had her first child almost five months ago. Prior to her son's birth (and conception, actually), she was, at best, ambivalent about the idea of having a baby, but her husband was extremely set on having children immediately. Now that the baby is here, she is having a very tough time. She, frankly, gets no joy from her baby whatsoever. She is taking competent care of her son, but there is virtually no bonding at all. She is really at the end of her rope with frustration and desperation. Some of this is no doubt due to the fact that her son is a pretty difficult baby, although it's probably exacerbated by her depression. Additionally, she is not well supported emotionally (or with childcare/house chores) by her husband, and has little external support. She quit her job (at her husband's insistence) and is now home full time, often without her husband for up to weeks at a time.
I have already suggested that she see her doctor about her depression, and I am really trying to offer as much support as I can via meals, babysitting, etc. as well as emotional support. Any concrete ideas about how she can get through this? Any bonding exercises or activities appropriate for a five month old? How can I better help her?
I am truly worried about her. It is well beyond normal baby adjustment, and while her situation is really tough, her borderline resentment of the baby is worse than I would expect even in her circumstances. I am NOT worried that she is going to harm herself or her baby, but I am concerned that this will have lasting effects on her son's development and her general happiness.