Maybe someday he'll be my sex toy.

November 12, 2009 5:14 PM

What to get my long-distance lover for Christmas? (NSFW)

I'm female, he's male. We're in our late twenties.

He's usually dominant in bed, and we've had a lot of fun with that. He wrote an erotic story in which the female protagonist was dominant, so I know he likes that, too. That's something we haven't explored yet. We don't look to the BDSM culture for our fantasies (though there certainly must be some parallels), but tend to prefer our own. We're not into anal sex.

I would like to get him a toy he can play with while I'm away (which is usually, for the next year or so). I'm sure there's a lot out there, but I don't know what it is or where to look. Tell me everything!

posted by anonymous to human relations (5 comments total)

a present for you and for him - blue tooth/text message activated vibrator. he texts, you read it, it transfers to the vibe, giving him the ability to get you off, hands free as it were.
posted by nadawi at 5:20 PM on November 12, 2009 [2 favorites]

A webcam.
posted by Big_B at 6:48 PM on November 12, 2009

If you really want to get him a toy to use by himself, you'll need more information than you've given here. Basically any kind of sex toy for men is an acquired taste. Lots of dudes don't like sleeves (they creep me right the fuck out), lots don't like cock rings, lots don't like pain, lots don't like ass play, and so on. There isn't really a men's equivalent to the basic pretty good vibrator for women — nothing you could pick out and say "Yeah, there are decent odds he'll like this" without knowing some pretty specific things about him in advance.

Of course, if you've got a hunch of your own about what he'll like, follow that hunch. (Any toys feature prominently in that story he wrote?)

Otherwise, yeah, get him a webcam, or send him some homemade porn and a fancy bottle of booze.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:54 PM on November 12, 2009

I love nadawi's suggestion, and can personally vouch for the very public, yet very private fun that remote control vibrators can provide. It's a great way to access "dominant" and "submissive" roles and feelings outside the normal BDSM context without all the typical costume-ery and apparatus if that isn't your particular kink.

Playing off that idea, I might suggest exploring Kinbaku, often referred to as artfully executed erotic bondage (links tasteful, but probably nsfw technically). There are knots and techniques to learn. There are poses to research and dream up. It's easy to practice on yourself, so he could bone up on his own while you are apart and you could practice what you've learned when you are together. Kinda D/S, but not overtly so...more foreplay-ish in my experience.

One might even imagine a carefully crafted, small-diameter rope pantie, trapping a remote controlled vibe inside, all worn under a loose fitting silk dress. Add champagne and a secluded table at a posh restaurant. Perhaps the evening climaxes with dessert.

Not to say that I have done anything like that, of course. Or that I found these two books very helpful as step-by-step guides to the basics.
posted by nickjadlowe at 7:33 PM on November 12, 2009

(small aside: while kinbaku might be the correct Japanese term, shibari will be a much better search term for English results.)
posted by desjardins at 8:11 PM on November 12, 2009