Serial monogamist goes solo...
November 10, 2009 8:54 PM Subscribe
How can I become ok - content, even - with being alone?
posted by blackcatcuriouser to Human Relations (31 answers total) 28 users marked this as a favorite
About nine months ago, I broke off a serious relationship of several years. Before that one, I was with someone for four years. I've had a boyfriend for as long as I can remember, with very little in-between alone time. I have minimal contact with my exes and am generally quite happy to be out of those relationships. I like being single. I acknowledge that after years and years of being a devoted girlfriend and spending way too much time putting someone else's needs above my own, I need to be on my own for awhile.
I'm a single female in my 20s, living in a big city, a graduate student, working full time. I have some solid, close friendships, lots of acquaintances, and overall a good, stable life. My family is far away, so I rely a lot on my friends for companionship and socialization...but my friends also have their own lives - demanding jobs, busy schedules, boyfriends, husbands, etc. I see them pretty regularly on weekends, but I often find weeknights to be very lonely. I come home from work, make myself dinner, maybe have a glass of wine (depending on how stressful that day was), do some homework, sometimes go to the gym or a pilates class. Throw some tv/music into the mix and that's pretty much my night. And really, the evening I just described is perfectly relaxing and fine. But it's lonely. I often crave company, especially that of a male. It's not even a sexual thing (though, I could certainly use some of that...)
I've dated around a little bit, which was a nice distraction and kept me busy a couple of nights a week, but I'm not looking for a boyfriend and I certainly don't want to date someone just for the sake of having someone, anyone. I want to get comfortable focusing on me. I don't want to feel like I need someone else, because I really don't. I want to be content with just being me, myself, and I for awhile. How do you become ok with being alone?