How can I find what I'm looking for when I don't know what it is?
November 10, 2009 4:14 PM Subscribe
I am always on the precipice of an epiphany, or so I think...
I've had this lingering feeling for a long time, now; as if there's one last key to turn before the bounty. It's something that I haven't really learned to cope with, and its strength seems to ebb and flow in a direct relationship to my concentration. Like the Atlantic, the tide may seem to shallow its depth, but its mass is ever-present.
It's certainly a motivating factor in my life. I've pursued its nagging for hours at a time, but the promised payoff is always elusive. The impetus behind it is abstract and therefore frustrating, and when I inevitably turn up empty-handed, I feel a deep defeat. Hence the coping.
A few examples of this drive that some of you might relate to:
Broad: It's the feeling that, if I just find that one bit of information out there in the overwhelming stream of data, most everything will 'click'.
Specific: The knowing that if I work on this chorus a little more that the song will finally be the one I've been trying to write since I set out to capture it.
Personal: The insistence by my inner-self that when I stumble upon the right thought through free-association, I'll understand myself.
I consider it a gift; an affliction; a curse.
What is it, really?