Am I spoilt by working from home?

November 5, 2009 2:35 PM

Long commute: should I take this job?

I got laid off in mid-May from a job where I worked from home as a software designer. I was somewhat underpaid in that position, making about 85K where others made about 95-100K, but I was happy with it because of the remote arrangement, which worked out great as I have two young children. I also had 5 weeks of PTO/personal time off (ie. vacation and sick time combined) every year.

Since what I do is a pretty niche specialty, there aren't a lot of openings out there, especially not in this economy.

I have now just been offered a position where I would have excellent job security. I'd get 4 weeks PTO, but the money is better - we settled on 95K. However, I'm expected to come into the office every day, because everyone else on the team does.

Now, it took me just under an hour when I went to interview there, and 90 minutes on my way back. I have misgivings about taking on a job where I'll be spending two to three hours of the day in the car. I imagine in the winter it'll be closer to three, if not more.

Others on the team come in at 5:30-6:30 am and are able to cut commuting time to 35 minutes. A start that early is just not an option for me.

I know I can do this work remotely, and in fact, my own boss works in an office in a different city.

Should I take this job?

posted by anonymous to work & money (32 answers total)

Long commutes make me miserable so I would have to be paid several multiples of 95,000 in order to take it.

Specific to you: you say you have two young children. Are there other people able/willing to take up the slack incaring for them since you would be spending more time commuting than you did previously?
posted by dfriedman at 2:42 PM on November 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

I think it depends on your options. If you're very confident that you can get another job quickly and you have lots of money in your emergency fund and perhaps a spouse earning a significant amount, it is worthwhile re-evaluating this offer. However, if you are at the end of your rope and your family really needs this income, you may just need to take the job...and start looking for something closer to home. At the time that you get another offer, you can explain the stress of the commute, impact on your family and perhaps the current employer will look at work from home options or something. Some people may say that's unethical, but you may be in a situation where you've got to feed and shelter your family. And, depending on the economy around your hometown, you may be in a position where it takes months or years to find something closer to home. And perhaps you will like this new job and want to move closer, especially if it has excellent job security. Perhaps, while you evaluate that, you could do the early morning commute instead.

So, in short, you really need to share more information before anyone can say what you should do.
posted by acoutu at 2:46 PM on November 5, 2009

Take it. Try it out. Prove your stuff, and then negotiate reduced face time. Two days a week. Then one day a week. Then only when things requiring face time are happening.
posted by Capri at 2:46 PM on November 5, 2009 [4 favorites]

Oh, and you must certainly weigh up the childcare situation...the effect on your partner, any additional childcare costs, the effect on your kids....But, again, if you have very little choice in terms of your economic reality, this may need to be a stop-gap measure.
posted by acoutu at 2:47 PM on November 5, 2009

What Capri said. Give it a shot, prove your worth and then make a suggestion that you work from home one or two days a week.
posted by arcticseal at 2:54 PM on November 5, 2009

What do you mean by "expected" ... if this is a culture thing, I would at least make an attempt to change it. Would getting a small city apartment be a viable option? If it is just your team who feel the need to meet everyday, there's a chance you can change the culture. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be somewhere at 5:30AM to make a 35 minute commute. If you have real client face time sort of thing going on, there's not much you can do, but this may simply be that these people have never remotely work and don't understand that you can do everything remotely. With your experience of working remotely with teams, that may be enough to get everyone on board. You'd have to approach it gently, obviously, but I don't think it is impossible.

If that just doesn't work I'd look into getting a small college apartment in the city with the eye towards keeping the job while still looking for work. If you're making a 3 hour commute everyday there's no chance you'll be actively looking for a new job, you'll just be miserable and so exhausted after a long day you'll feel trapped.
posted by geoff. at 2:56 PM on November 5, 2009

The new job gives you $10,000 more, sure, but you should factor in the cost of the commute (in both fuel and wear and tear on your vehicle), child care and flexibility. That extra week of vacation will likely be missed, too.

I think your instinct to think twice about taking the job is a good one and you should give it more thought.

Good luck.
posted by inturnaround at 2:58 PM on November 5, 2009

Yeah.. take it because you need it, not because you think you should be satisfied. Sometimes wheedling down your time in the office can create serious backlash from your coworkers or other managers. If coming to the office is a blanket requirement, then you're probably not going to be the only person vieing for work from home time. Althought it seems ridiculous, many managers will treat the amount of time people are allowed to work from home as a limited resource. I.E. if Sally Seniority works from home 3 days a week, that could limit the amount of time you are allowed to do the same, depending on the manager.


Like a relationship, it's not a good idea to get into a job with the idea that "it'll be better once i change it, eventually". You should make it clear up front that you are not going to be happy with the position unless future OOTO work time is an option, for your own sake, and out of respect for your potential coworkers and boss(es).
posted by judge.mentok.the.mindtaker at 2:59 PM on November 5, 2009

Ask then if they would ever be open to commuting in the future. If yes, then take it. Some places just never allow it ever. In that case, just use it as a stepping stone to get something else. But as judge.mentok says, it's going to suck to start a job knowing that you're trying to get out of there ASAP.
posted by salvia at 3:01 PM on November 5, 2009

Yeah.. take it because you need it, not because you think you should be satisfied

Agree with this. Sometimes you just need the money.

Give it a shot, prove your worth and then make a suggestion that you work from home one or two days a week.

I have never known this to work for anyone ever. I feel like when they offer you the job is when you negotiate. Once you take the offer you're "in the army now, private!" and they're just going to ignore requests for concessions, unless you're extraordinarily indispensable, in which case they probably would have just given you what you wanted up front.

Once you've taken a job your only leverage is to walk, and making that threat stands a good chance of turning things ugly, even if they ultimately agree. Before you have the job and when you're "considering other offers" (real or imaginary) is the time to negotiate.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:04 PM on November 5, 2009

Ask then if they would ever be open to commuting in the future.

Do this, if you enjoy having people lie to your face by saying "yes," then blow you off and pretend they never said it later.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:05 PM on November 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

Forget your old salary and arrangements. They were pretty sweet, but they're gone. The new job is $95k more than you're making now. In exchange, assuming you can work through lunch, you give up 10 to 10.5 hours away from home 5 days a week.

Are you driving? An hour of riding the train reading a book is a pretty nice way to get to work. An hour driving would give me pause, though if you can spend it listening to podcasts or audiobooks it might not be that bad either. You'll also probably find more efficient ways to get back and forth as you go. But still, you're looking at a 10 hour day. That's a long time to be away from your kids if you're not used to it, but a large chunk of the workforce leaves home around 8am and gets back around 6pm.
posted by IanMorr at 3:09 PM on November 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

Give it a shot, prove your worth and then make a suggestion that you work from home one or two days a week.

I have never known this to work for anyone ever. I feel like when they offer you the job is when you negotiate.

My experience is contrary to drjimmy11's on this - I've known people who have substantially renegotiated salary, face time, all kinds of stuff after they've been on the job for years. It does not all have to be done up front. That's not to say you'll ultimately get what you want from this company, but just because you don't get it initially doesn't mean it'll never happen.
posted by rkent at 3:16 PM on November 5, 2009

Can you shift the commute in the other direction? My employer lets me come in at 10-10:30 so I miss the traffic.
posted by indyz at 3:23 PM on November 5, 2009

My experience is contrary to drjimmy11's on this - I've known people who have substantially renegotiated salary, face time, all kinds of stuff after they've been on the job for years.

Me too. I have absolutely known people who renegotiated exactly what you're considering here after being on the job for awhile -- not at the 6-month mark or anything, but at some point within the first couple of years and strong job performance.
posted by scody at 3:29 PM on November 5, 2009

I would definitely try it out and then see if you can renegotiate working at home at least part-time. Any chance for video-conferencing instead of being onsite for meetings?
posted by garnetgirl at 3:37 PM on November 5, 2009

A long commute can be soul sucking. I drove from northern Westchester into Manhattan a mere 42 miles that took an hour and 15 each way. You will never get used to it until you become numb.

But I agree that you should take the job and see how it goes. Then after 3 or 4 months ask if you can work from home on Fridays. Then add Mondays. I would not even ask up front. Just do a kick ass job, make yourself a necessary part of the team, then renegotiate like you are a professional athlete.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:40 PM on November 5, 2009

This seems to me to be a pretty simple comparison. Which is easier:

(A) Finding an acceptable home closer to work if you find you really hate the commute.
(B) Finding an alternative source of $8000 every month or just doing without that $8000 every month.

And, yeah, for some people B will be easier.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:44 PM on November 5, 2009

I'm guessing this is the best offer you've had in 6 months. At least to me, this is an easy decision. You can reject the job, and make $0. Or you can accept the job, and make more than $0. If you take the job, stay for a year. After a year, either you will be able to make this a better job, or the job market will have improved, in which case you can go find your dream job.
posted by Houstonian at 4:32 PM on November 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

I just took a job with an eighty-to-ninety minute commute at less than one-third of your salary, and I'd have cut off my left one during the interview if they'd told me it was what I needed to do to get the position. So, it's a matter of expectations, I suppose. For what it's worth, I live within an hour of Detroit (a. k. a. the rim of the crater).
posted by pullayup at 4:48 PM on November 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

About 8 months ago I took a job that requires me to drive about 88 miles each way, each day. That equals out to about 1 hour and 35 minutes each way, or slightly over three hours a day in commute.

I took the job because of the great pay, which looked even better since I was unemployed in a horrible economy. I can tell you that despite the drive, having a well paying job in this economy is an enormous relief, one that helps put my drive into perspective.

As far as dealing with the drive, as mentioned above audiobooks and podcasts really make the drive immensely more bearable. Also, look into getting whatever creature comforts you can that will make your drive easier. Finally, if you have relatives that complain that you don't call enough, a cell phone with a bluetooth headset is a great way to stay in contact (unless it's against the law in your location).

Good luck!
posted by doh ray mii at 4:53 PM on November 5, 2009

Wow, I had a job in Seattle that paid $20K a year with a three hour commute (1.5 hours each way - if the ferries were running on time) and I jumped for joy to get it.

My question is - do you need a job? Can you find another with or without the commute? You say that jobs in your field are few and far between, so do you have the option of saying "thanks, but no thanks" to this one and hope that a better one will come along soon? I say that if you need work, then take the commute and the money. If you don't, wait for a better offer to come along.
posted by patheral at 5:06 PM on November 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

I did a 100-minute commute (each way) for two years and hated it. I took a different job in a different city partly to get away from that commute.

If I were faced with having to do that commute again, I'd look long and hard for other options. But the choice between dealing with a long commute and putting food on the table (especially in this economy) is a pretty easy one. For better or for worse, we live in the short term.

I suspect that the consequences for your family of you having no job are worse than the consequences of you being absent on a long commute. It really really sucks to have to make that analysis, but that's what it sounds like you're facing.
posted by QuantumMeruit at 5:51 PM on November 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

This is easy: take the job, and keep on looking for another one.

A long commute can work in the short term, but in the long term it's a backbreaker and makes your life miserable. I can personally attest that moving from an hour-each-way commute to a ten-minutes-each-day commute changed my life, and over the few years following my increased energy and happiness (in part) led to more money and more opportunities.

At the same time, you're unemployed. Take the job and you're employed, and with a small salary bump to boot. You'd be a fool to turn it down.

When you do manage to find another job, whether it's five days later or five years, you also have a built-in bulletproof reason for leaving that you can use on both ends, one that leaves no feelings hurt or bridges burned: "The job was terrific, the people were awesome, but the commute was killing me."
posted by davejay at 6:57 PM on November 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Oh, and if you end up falling in love with this position, and the job security is as good as you seem to think it is, you can always move closer.
posted by davejay at 6:58 PM on November 5, 2009

When I had a long commute, the thing that made it unbearable was the fact that I couldn't stand my job and that I spent the hour+ of driving hating the idea of what I was doing and the time it took to get there and start doing it. I think if it's possible to adjust your schedule at home to make it work, and if you won't begrudge the company for cutting down on family/whatever time, taking the job would be a good idea.
posted by ramenopres at 8:55 PM on November 5, 2009

Time behind the wheel getting to work is wasted time, absolutely wasted. It's like 2.5 unpaid hours of work per day. One day you are going to have a really, really shitty day at work. The boss will yell at you, your project will be canceled, and you'll piss off a client. And then you'll have 1.5 hours in traffic between all that and having to help your kid with his homework.

Me, I'd have to need a job awful bad to put my family through that. You say there's not a lot of jobs out there for you, but what are the real consequences for your family if you pass this up and do they outweigh the consequences of you spending an extra 12 stressful hours away from them? If I really felt like I *had* to take the job then I'd either negotiate working from home up front in writing or I'd move closer.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:00 PM on November 5, 2009

that is, "an extra 12 stessful hour per week away from them..."
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:02 PM on November 5, 2009

I had this commute for a year and a half, during which my first child was born. I worked from home most Fridays (when the drive home -into NYC - would've been 2 hours).

Assuming you have a partner and they work too, the effect on child care is your first consideration: I find it super stressful to be in the position being 'in charge' of both the start and end of the child-care engagement. By which I mean, I prefer to have flexibility to get in early if I need to, or stay late if I must, although I don't need both.

Are you working with a recruiter? When I took my most recent job *he* negotiated one-day-a-week at home. That alone was worth using the recruiter, because I'm not sure I could've pulled it off.

After I started I learned that, although we have a VPN and such, it waas much harder to work-from-home than my previous job. The connectivity was flaky, and, truly, 'the culture' didn't support it. I worked some to change that, but it's difficult to be the odd-man-out in that regard.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 4:12 AM on November 6, 2009

What are the transport links like? Could you

1) cycle to a nearish station (saving you gym-time)
2) take the train and do work on a laptop

for example? If you can get work to pay for the train season ticket that would be cheap, and if you can work productively on the train you might be able to punch out a half-hour earlier on the way home?
posted by Cantdosleepy at 5:03 AM on November 6, 2009

This is easy: take the job, and keep on looking for another one.

This sounds impossible, 40 hour workweek+ 12 hours driving+ 2 little kids = no time ever

Can you take the job and move closer? It sounds like a great gig (in your field, great salary). Maybe you can find a house 5 minutes away!
posted by debbie_ann at 5:42 AM on November 6, 2009

With all due respect, debbie_ann, that's a little dramatic. I was in that exact same position a year ago (actually spent 15 hours commuting per week) and I still found time to study part-time AND look for another job closer to home. I left the house at 6:30 am and was home by 5:30 pm. The kids were in bed by 8, and I had at least 2-3 free hours in the evening. Of course it wasn't ideal (which is why I found another job!) but it wasn't the end of the world. The OP will not need to collapse into bed every night at 6 pm.

OP, I agree with what a lot of other posters have said above: try it. It won't be perfect, but it doesn't have to be hell. You'll find ways to shorten your commute and/or maximize your time at home. You may be able to negotiate working at home as time goes on. Or you may find something better down the road. I never enjoyed my commute, but I didn't find it soul-sucking. You may be surprised.
posted by yawper at 10:23 AM on November 6, 2009 [1 favorite]