All of a sudden, everybody wants to open a day spa catering exclusively to hedgehogs

November 4, 2009 7:50 AM

How do I stop noticing what everyone else is doing and concentrate on what I'm doing?

I am beginning to fulfill pre-requisites for a graduate program I want to do, and I find myself being a little too aware that there are other people who are also following the same path. I know in my bones I have everything it takes to do this, and that this being "overaware" is just throwing me off my game and leading to pretty ridiculous thoughts that I find myself getting anxious about.

It's like the time I decided to build bridges out of toothpicks and suddenly everybody seemed to be doing that in their spare time or winning awards for being the best toothpick bridge-builder. Or the time (five years back) when I was considering becoming a pharmacist and everyone seemed to be considering becoming a pharmacist, was in pharmacy school, or was a pharmacist, leading me to temporarily believe that admission to pharmacy school was completely impossible because everyone was trying to get in. Or when I was getting married and everyone seemed to be getting married too.

This program is extremely important to me and I'm shelling out a lot of money to fulfill the pre-reqs. I am determined to focus on what I'm doing, do the best I can, and not pay attention to what other folks are or aren't thinking about doing. I know part of the reason it seems like everyone is interested in this path is because I've been focusing more on it and am in all the same places as these people. But how do I forget about them and just concentrate on me?

posted by anonymous to education (5 comments total)

Recognize your overawareness/overinclusion, and then commit to outcompeting the people who are actually in the market for the same program admissions/jobs as you.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:03 AM on November 4 [1 favorite]

Wierdly I would add: Diet and a good nights sleep always tend to help me with any nervous disorders. It sounds to me like you can be seen to be an anxious person, when we read that you've always felt like this and being so, you can only try your best to accept the world as it is and I don't think there would be any fast fix for a problem that you have always dealt with.

So far - you've gotten where you are, and you've done it well. You've now got one last bit to go. I would say, just understand that you do feel like this and accept it for what it is, nothing more than want of knowledge (what other people are doing) carry on the way you have been going and try and focus your energies on what YOU have to do, for YOU.

I do hope this helps :)
posted by Cogentesque at 8:48 AM on November 4

Whenever I start to feel like everyone is pursuing the same goals that I am, I just tell myself that I am a total badass, and that all these other bandwagon jumpers ain't got nothin' on me. This may or may not be correct, and I try not to broadcast such sentiments, because they won't make you any friends and I don't want to be (or come off as) an arrogant prick. However, it does my confidence good to say, to myself, that I don't care at all about anyone else doing what I do, because I am going to be the best at it.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 8:57 AM on November 4 [1 favorite]

Ok, a little tongue in cheek, but isn't there a special page here at Mefi where they've collected all the AskMe's where someone raises an odd question and then they get thousands of people writing in to say "Hey me too! I thought I was the only one!"? Maybe you can get onto a page like that and get everyone to write in "No, I'm not planning to open a day spa catering exclusively to hedgehogs". Then you'll be reassured that you're good to go since you'll see thousands of people who are not all in competition with you.

On a more practical level, one word that fits here is "confirmation bias" (okay, it's 2 words). I don't have any personal experience to share, but google around for how to get past confirmation bias and there is lots of advice out there.
posted by CathyG at 10:24 AM on November 4

This is the modern age of interconnectedness. The amazing thing about the internet is that if you pick something you're interested in, and want colleagues in that hobby, you can find people. In fact, this is true to the extent that you could layer a couple of searches on top of each other and still come up with a community of day-spa-trained hedgehog-loving entrepreneurs.

Basically, just to say, of course there are other people doing similar things! That doesn't even prove that it's not a crazy idea, given how many people are out there doing stupid crap. You can't expect to be a big fish in a small pond just by picking a small enough pond - as you've seen, ponds are often way bigger than they at first seem. You seem to be aware that if that you're in all the same places/classes as people with the same goals - this is the main reason you'd feel like your dream-life is overpopulated. Try to realize that in reality it's not that there are so many people "on your turf", it's just that you're starting to know them.

You've had suggestions to approach this competetively - there's only so much space for success, and I will confidently crowd-out the crowd! But maybe there's space to see this "everybody" as a networking opportunity: use your enthusiasm for your plan and confidence in your success as a calling card, and you will build up a network of budding hedgehog day-spa owners who share the burdens of raising hedgehog awareness, link to each others' websites, sub for each other during vacations, offer each other advice and examples, and (most key)appreciate the differences between each others' approaches. Because certainly, there will be differences. That's the flip side of the coin - maybe you're dismayed and surprised at how many people want to do "what you want to do" but feel confident that none of them actually wants exactly what you want. You've got your own angle on it, and your own dream-job, and your own definition of "best". No matter how many artists are in the world, your art is still unique; no matter how many businesses open, there's still space for a good business plan; no matter how many students graduate with a degree in X, none of them are headed exactly where you're going. See this not as an overcrowded traffic jam of people doing the same thing, but a momentary population, a lot of different paths that are crossing.
posted by aimedwander at 10:42 AM on November 4