To Call or Not to Call

November 3, 2009 7:39 AM

I called the police after watching my neighbor chase a family member across the street, yelling and screaming. I requested that I remain anonymous, but I'm worried that I won't be, is there a law about this? (state of Oregon).

I don't want to go too far into it, as the details are unclear. But it seemed to me that one neighbor (A) chased their family member (B) across the street. I don't know exactly what happened because it was still dark (5am) and they were soon behind a trees. I heard what sounded like tough blows from (B) and (A) begging and crying to stop and "just let them go."

At that point the person from the house they were in front of (C) came outside and called the police. As C called the police but B seemed to be yelling into the phone. Actually screaming over C on the phone. At that point I called the police and let them know I didn't know what was going on but it sounded like abuse. The dispatcher spoke with another and I believed they came to an agreement on what to do.

While waiting for the police and EMT A became violently ill. A could not lift their head off the ground. C was assisting in holding the head up while A puked. B watched from a few feet away. Just to clarify, this part happened in front of C's house, separate from where B and A live.

First, I've never called the police before. Can I be certain that my neighbors won't know I called?

Second, I was horrified by what was going on and felt obligated to call, but now I'm feeling horribly guilty as there seems to be chaos unfolding on my street. (FWIW my neighborhood is middle to lower middle class). I didn't know the full situation and I don't want to cause unnecessary damage or stress. Maybe A was a drunk and irrational teen trying to run away? Maybe A had good reason to try to run away? Should I have waited until I was certain I knew what was happening? (Sorry for being so long, my nerves are shot and there are still neighbors and trucks in the street). Should I have just left the whole thing alone and gone back to bed?

Thanks in advance, throw away gmail for follow up questions: [e-mail]

posted by thankyouforyourconsideration to home & garden (27 comments total)

Ignore the gmail, I didn't post anonymously (oops) but I don't think they'll be checking askme's or know my name for that matter.
posted by thankyouforyourconsideration at 7:41 AM on November 3, 2009

It sounds like you did the right thing, and that your neighbors will assume that C's call summoned the police, not yours. I think you will be fine.
posted by procrastination at 7:42 AM on November 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Should I have waited until I was certain I knew what was happening?

Absolutely not. It's not your responsibility to figure out the right-and-wrong of the situation. There is a disturbance. People were obviously hurt, hurting each other, etc. etc. Your responsibility is to notify the police, who will show up, calm everyone down, get their story, and decide what should be done about the situation, if anything.
posted by muddgirl at 7:45 AM on November 3, 2009 [11 favorites]

I definitely think you did the right thing. If someone was getting beat up so bad they couldn't hold their head up to throw up, well that's what the police are there for. You saw that C was getting interfered with trying to make the call, so you helped out. I really can't see how your name would get attached to it or why they would release that information.
posted by amethysts at 7:45 AM on November 3, 2009

I think you did the right thing. Situations were you get all the relevant information are very
rare in life. You just have to make the best decision with the info you have.

Also, if it's really important to you to be anonymous, you can contact the mods and they can anonymize the question. And throwaway gmails are also for people who don't want an answer linked to their user account, regardless of whether the question is anon or not, so don't be surprised if you get some emails to that address.
posted by nooneyouknow at 7:49 AM on November 3, 2009

Of course you did the right thing. Imagine if you hadn't called and the violence escalated; would you be able to live with that? Don't worry that they'll know it was you that called and in the (very) unlikely event they ever ask if you did, just give them a look of blank incomprehension and deny, deny, deny ... you can also throw in about how you're such a sound sleeper you don't hear anything.
posted by Allee Katze at 7:49 AM on November 3, 2009

I've called the cops in several situations where fighting/abuse was happening in a neighboring apartment (not even out in public). I figure at the least, they are disturbing the peace, and in a worse case, someone is getting hurt. I've never given my name, or had 911 push me for it. The last time this happened, I was actually able to hear everything the cops said, and they never even mentioned there was a call (primarily because the screaming and fighting was still going on when they entered the building). I've also never had a neighbor approach me to ask if I had called.

You did the right thing, and I wouldn't worry about it.
posted by kimdog at 7:54 AM on November 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

Thanks for making me feel better everyone.

nooneyouknow I think it's fine if I'm not anon, I meant to post anon which is why I set up the throwaway, but then I realized I never clicked for the anonymous screen.
posted by thankyouforyourconsideration at 7:57 AM on November 3, 2009

I come from a family who engaged in the kind of abusive behavior you describe. People heard us and watched us but no one did anything about it. Maybe if just one person had had the courage to call 911, it wouldn't have kept happening. Thanks for stepping up and doing the right thing.
posted by December at 8:04 AM on November 3, 2009 [8 favorites]

Of what race were A and B?

I would make pretty damn sure I knew exactly what was going on and that it was dangerous and violent before calling the police on a black person in most American cities.

That being said, from you description it sounds like you were pretty sure there was violence and danger.
posted by 256 at 8:36 AM on November 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I would make pretty damn sure I knew exactly what was going on and that it was dangerous and violent before calling the police on a black person in most American cities.

I'm not American, but this isn't particularly fair. There was both physical violence AND a loud disturbance in the middle of the night, both of which are valid reasons to involve police. No further context is required.
posted by Adam_S at 8:47 AM on November 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

I would make pretty damn sure I knew exactly what was going on and that it was dangerous and violent before calling the police on a black person in most American cities

WHAT?! That, sir, is the very definition of racism, regardless of whether your intention was to protect your black neighbor from being harassed by police if you were wrong about the situation.

Seriously, what?
posted by InsanePenguin at 8:48 AM on November 3, 2009 [3 favorites]

256 forgive me for being offended but I didn't mention that they were white because I don't think it's a racial issue. Nor did I ever mention we were in a city.

Was it the lower middle class neighborhood description that drew some assumptions in your head?
posted by thankyouforyourconsideration at 8:52 AM on November 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

Sorry, if that was snarky, I'm just a bit jumpy still.
posted by thankyouforyourconsideration at 8:54 AM on November 3, 2009

WHAT?! That, sir, is the very definition of racism, regardless of whether your intention was to protect your black neighbor from being harassed by police if you were wrong about the situation.

i was a little leery about posting that comment for that very reason, but i felt it needed to be said. i've been on the receiving end of police violence more than once and it's terrible and you have no recourse and it's far more prevalent than most people think.

for that reason alone, i would be hesitant to call the police on anybody. and given the racial disparity of the statistics on brutality and excessive force, I would be double hesitant in America to call the police on anyone who wasn't white.

the truth is that, while the general party line in AskMe's like this is that it's always better to call the cops than not to, that is very far from being a truism. many times the police do more harm than good.
posted by 256 at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

No, you can't be certain you'll remain anonymous. Most police reports i've seen in Oregon (and I've seen hundreds) contain information about the reporting source, if the dispatcher had that information. It is possible, say, if this went to court and you were subpoenaed, or if the people involved went down and got a copy of the report, that they might learn who you are. There isn't a law that protects your anonymity in the way it does reporters of child abuse in Oregon. That said, I think it's very unlikely they'll learn you called. First, you weren't the primary reporter-C was much more involved. Second, the above scenarios are pretty unlikely to occur.

And yeah, you absolutely did the right thing. Either violence was happening, or someone was drunk or high or I'll-either way, they needed help.
posted by purenitrous at 9:02 AM on November 3, 2009

Was it the lower middle class neighborhood description that drew some assumptions in your head?

No, I don't think it was. I was calling attention to it because you had left the information out of your post and I think it IS relevant when trying to evaluate whether calling the police will do more good than harm.
posted by 256 at 9:02 AM on November 3, 2009

No, I don't think it was. I was calling attention to it because you had left the information out of your post and I think it IS relevant when trying to evaluate whether calling the police will do more good than harm.

I may have overreacted, but still, I would think that police violence would be more prevalent when they were taking down a criminal with unnecessary roughness.

My uncle is a vice cop in NC, he assures me that his team never goes out of their way to provoke anyone, that's just a great way to get shot. Which he has been. Twice.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:07 AM on November 3, 2009

okay. i'd like to apologize for bringing up race in my first comment. i realize that to people who haven't had my experiences it looks like i'm talking about things in a very different way than i am.

because of my experiences the very first thing i would think of when considering calling the cops on someone was whether the likelihood of and possible severity of police violence and misconduct i would bring upon the people involved is worse than what is otherwise going on.

looked at through that lens, it seems clear to me that, in the USA at least, the race of the people involved is very relevant.

i understand that most people on metafilter have had different experiences with the police than i have and that unless i frame what i'm trying to communicate here very carefully i can easily look crazy or even racist.
posted by 256 at 9:10 AM on November 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

It may be quite Pollyanna of me, but when I'm in the situation of maybe I should call the cops, I think about what my husband or parents would want someone to do if the person in trouble was me. Usually that's err on the side of calling for help, even if it's just the local roadside assistance people who patrol the highways around here. I think you did the right thing.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:49 AM on November 3, 2009

Like 256, I think very hard before calling the cops. In the situation you described, I would have called them without hesitation. You did the right thing.

I don't know if your info will be kept confidential, but as other commenters have said, your involvement seems minimal enough that if it were me, I wouldn't worry much about it. (If they start getting weird toward you, I'd document it, though.)
posted by small_ruminant at 10:32 AM on November 3, 2009

I called the cops when I was sitting in my backyard and saw a young person using a light fixture to slither into the 2nd floor window in an apartment complex next door.

I was concerned that I might be thought of as a "nosy neighbor," but I thought, well, what if it was my house? That's awfully strange, to just climb in the 2nd floor window...

So I called them, and they arrived, about a half-dozen of them, and a helicopter and a K9 unit. They got into the apartment complex quickly, and discovered it was a kid who had forgotten his keys.

Oops. But the police officer I spoke to throughout the entire process assured me, over and over and over, that it is important that you call them in situations that you feel are inherently shifty.

The neighbors never said a word to me about it, the kids didn't egg our house or torment our dogs, and in fact, they give me a wave every time they see me now.

It's a good thing to look out for your neighbor.
posted by Seppaku at 11:48 AM on November 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

I agree with Seppaku. I would err on the side of calling the police in this situation. The possibility of someone being physicalled harmed outweighs the chance that the police might discriminate.

There have been cases where no one called the police and people have died because of it. I live in downtown Chicago and have called the police on a few occassions. I have found them to be curteous.

A neighbor of mine once left his front door ajar for several hours after going out. Another neighbor called the police suspecting a burglary. The police went inside, noticed nothing amiss, gave the dog water, and left a note. I'm glad I live near people who watch out for each other.

I doubt the police will give your name to your neighbors and I think you did the right thing by calling.
posted by parakeetdog at 12:56 PM on November 3, 2009

I absolutely think you did the right thing, and I doubt the police will give the neighbors your name. I've called the police in situations like this a couple of times -- once when my batshit-crazy neighbor was trying to pick a fistfight with another guy in the middle of the street, and once just about a week or so ago when I saw a man and woman walking down my street having a very loud verbal, escalating into physical, fight (i.e., she would grab the guy's shirt, he'd shove her, etc. No hitting, but it looked like that wasn't far off.) and both times, the police didn't even ask for my name.
posted by sarcasticah at 2:53 PM on November 3, 2009

I live in a fairly large apartment complex and have called the police on more than one occasion. The calls were for things like a pack of rowdy young teens roaming about at 2am on a weeknight, a loud fistfight heard through the wall of my kitchen, and a drunk ex of a woman in the next building causing a ruckus. Every time I've called, the dispatcher specifically asked if I wanted to give my name or remain anonymous. I have only used the non-911 number, and response times were still fast.

In each case, the police arrived quickly, assessed the situation, and handled it appropriately.

You absolutely did the right thing. It sounds like A may have needed some sort of medical treatment and that, at the very least, the situation needed to be defused. You aren't in any position to decide those things. The police are trained for it.

In the case of my next door neighbors knocking each other around, I asked to remain anonymous, and neither has ever given any indication that they knew I called. Awkward, yes, but they haven't repeated the behavior when I was home. They still have fairly regular shouting matches, but they seem to be shouty people in general. It grates on my nerves, especially considering their children, but that's apartment living sometimes. I'm not their mom or marriage counselor.

I've been on the receiving end of domestic violence. No one ever called the police, even when I knew they clearly saw or heard what was going on. I carried around extra anger and hopelessness and fear for a long time. Please don't be afraid to call.
posted by lilywing13 at 9:46 PM on November 3, 2009

Just FYI, there are no guarantees. My neighbor called the police once on someone down the road who was letting their dog run loose and the dog was digging up their yard. My neighbor asked to remain anonymous but apparently the police told the dog owner her name, and the next day her mailbox was not-so-mysteriously knocked over.
posted by IndigoRain at 10:16 PM on November 3, 2009

I have childhood friends who grew up to be cops in Oregon. They are very, very careful to keep callers anonymous. I once had to call the cops on my neighbors when I lived in Eugene (and by neighbors I mean we lived in the same apartment building, same hallway, right next to each other), and the neighbors never had any idea it was me. I didn't ask to be anonymous - I was too shaken up, two huge drunken guys pounding on your door and shouting "come on, bitch, open up" tends to do that. (Especially when, while the door is shaking in its frame, you realize that it's unlocked. I've never again forgotten to close my deadbolt once at home, eesh.) Very similar situation to yours; there was violence involved on another guy in their place before the two perps decided to come out and try my place.

No one else had called the police, by the way. There'd been screaming, pounding, walls shaking, shouting... but besides me, no one in the building called. Like I said, my door had been unlocked. What if those two guys had turned the knob? I'm a woman and was living alone at the time.

You did the right thing, and should be fine.
posted by fraula at 2:02 AM on November 4, 2009