How to salvage a disaster in progress interview?
October 28, 2009 3:34 PM Subscribe
I screwed up an interview, how do I improve next time?
I know that variations of this question have been asked before (ie. how to be calm and prep for interviews) But I wanted to ask in regards to a bad situation that seemingly got worse. I shadowed a health professional who basically over-reacted to my presence by telling me to calm down. I never realized that I was acting so nervously. I feel embarassed about the whole experience. But part of this is that I'm a bit of worrier and so when trying to make a first impression, I get even more nervous. It's something that I realize more than ever, I need to deal and manage. I feel too, that every question I answered, this professional had a slight judgement in their undertones. As subjective as this sounds, but I "felt" like this professional would stare at me a bit longer when I answered several questions honestly. Now I am wondering if I answered certain questions too honestly and was not more tactful. Another thought that has popped in my mind is that quite frankly, I think that this all comes from the fact that I wasn't friendly on the telephone to this individual's assistant in the first place, which I only now realize is the biggest mistake one could make.
Follow up questions:
1. So what are some pro-active ways that I can become more "friendly" when I am first introduced? (ie practicing smiling? video taping yourself? ) I'm looking for personal anecdotes people have actually done in practice to improve interviews.
2. And what are some pro-active ways I can even sound more friendly or act on the phone to be more cordial? (I feel like I came across as either too persistent or annoying over the phone. Yet I feel fake trying to have a more "friendly"/"cute" voice. )
3. How can I monitor this tendency to be too nervous on the spot and check for it? I rehearsed in my head potential questions but those didn't pan out. I also felt like I was blanking on a lot of basic questions. I'm starting to wonder if I should "do" something like drink chamomile tea. Once again, I am looking for personal anecdotes for this.
4. Are there other sorts of things I should know about interviewing besides always making sure to be nice to the secretaries and assistants? I know I will definitely follow up with a thank you correspondence.
5. How does one go about salvaging an interview that is in disaster mode and save face?
This was a pretty bad situation that I hope to improve on in the future. Any advice would help, thanks.
I know that variations of this question have been asked before (ie. how to be calm and prep for interviews) But I wanted to ask in regards to a bad situation that seemingly got worse. I shadowed a health professional who basically over-reacted to my presence by telling me to calm down. I never realized that I was acting so nervously. I feel embarassed about the whole experience. But part of this is that I'm a bit of worrier and so when trying to make a first impression, I get even more nervous. It's something that I realize more than ever, I need to deal and manage. I feel too, that every question I answered, this professional had a slight judgement in their undertones. As subjective as this sounds, but I "felt" like this professional would stare at me a bit longer when I answered several questions honestly. Now I am wondering if I answered certain questions too honestly and was not more tactful. Another thought that has popped in my mind is that quite frankly, I think that this all comes from the fact that I wasn't friendly on the telephone to this individual's assistant in the first place, which I only now realize is the biggest mistake one could make.
Follow up questions:
1. So what are some pro-active ways that I can become more "friendly" when I am first introduced? (ie practicing smiling? video taping yourself? ) I'm looking for personal anecdotes people have actually done in practice to improve interviews.
2. And what are some pro-active ways I can even sound more friendly or act on the phone to be more cordial? (I feel like I came across as either too persistent or annoying over the phone. Yet I feel fake trying to have a more "friendly"/"cute" voice. )
3. How can I monitor this tendency to be too nervous on the spot and check for it? I rehearsed in my head potential questions but those didn't pan out. I also felt like I was blanking on a lot of basic questions. I'm starting to wonder if I should "do" something like drink chamomile tea. Once again, I am looking for personal anecdotes for this.
4. Are there other sorts of things I should know about interviewing besides always making sure to be nice to the secretaries and assistants? I know I will definitely follow up with a thank you correspondence.
5. How does one go about salvaging an interview that is in disaster mode and save face?
This was a pretty bad situation that I hope to improve on in the future. Any advice would help, thanks.
1. Out of site, perhaps in the elevator, do some exaggerated facial gestures to get some energy going. Really. This works for me. And, yes, I have practiced smiling. Sing before leaving your home for the interview. No, not kidding.
2. On the phone, just smile while you talk. It doesn't have to be a sincere smile evoked by positive emotion or circumstance. It'll just show up in the sound of your voice.
3. In general, you feel more nervous than you come across. I know this from taped public speaking training. Skip the tea; it'll make you worry about where the bathroom is.
4. Enthusiasm is the key. Also remember that you are the expert on yourself. Get a copy of Sweaty Palms, which I have posted about here before.
I've said this before here, too, but remember that you are also interviewing them. No matter how desperate for a job you may be (and I've been very desperate), this attitude keeps things on a more level playing field.
After future interviews go immediately to a coffee shop or a park bench or something and jot down the following:
- What went well, especially words and phrases you used (this will be handy for your thank-you note, as well as future interviews or letters);
- What could've been better. This is not a time for self-flagellation, just some brief objective bullet points.
You might think you'll remember later, but you won't have as good a grasp of it as when you stop right after the interview to reflect on things.
5. Do your best with follow-up correspondence.
posted by jgirl at 4:13 PM on October 28, 2009
2. On the phone, just smile while you talk. It doesn't have to be a sincere smile evoked by positive emotion or circumstance. It'll just show up in the sound of your voice.
3. In general, you feel more nervous than you come across. I know this from taped public speaking training. Skip the tea; it'll make you worry about where the bathroom is.
4. Enthusiasm is the key. Also remember that you are the expert on yourself. Get a copy of Sweaty Palms, which I have posted about here before.
I've said this before here, too, but remember that you are also interviewing them. No matter how desperate for a job you may be (and I've been very desperate), this attitude keeps things on a more level playing field.
After future interviews go immediately to a coffee shop or a park bench or something and jot down the following:
- What went well, especially words and phrases you used (this will be handy for your thank-you note, as well as future interviews or letters);
- What could've been better. This is not a time for self-flagellation, just some brief objective bullet points.
You might think you'll remember later, but you won't have as good a grasp of it as when you stop right after the interview to reflect on things.
5. Do your best with follow-up correspondence.
posted by jgirl at 4:13 PM on October 28, 2009
It sounds like you're being hard on yourself for every little thing and putting yourself in these no-win binds (you didn't try hard enough, but then if you'd tried hard you would've felt like you were being fake, and so on). Maybe a long-term project could be to get a handle on the worrying and self-criticism. Find ways to identify what you did right and go easier on yourself for the things you felt you didn't do right.
Practical suggestions: chamomile tea (I drink it myself in stressful situations), deep breathing, and finding some sort of mental reset button you can press once you start to get a bit freaked out (sort of like Happy Gilmore's "happy place," a situation or activity where you feel normal, grounded, and powerful -- I imagine myself jogging. Imagining cuddly kittens is good, too). Prepare for interviews by really convincing yourself that you would be a good candidate for the job.
The secret about interviews is that the interviewer is just trying to create a good match between a person and a job. It's not about whether you are "good enough," it's about that match. I know this sounds totally weird, but I've certainly interviewed people who were extremely awesome, and full of skills and talents, but just not the random skills needed for one particular job. I think they felt disappointed or judged not to be chosen, whereas I thought, "dude, you're an amazing opera singer who has never used a computer. Go sing! That's way better than this unpaid data entry internship." Then, it's less stressful to be interviewed when you see it as a conversation about "is this job a good match for your skills?" and not "are you good enough for this job?"
posted by salvia at 5:06 PM on October 28, 2009
Practical suggestions: chamomile tea (I drink it myself in stressful situations), deep breathing, and finding some sort of mental reset button you can press once you start to get a bit freaked out (sort of like Happy Gilmore's "happy place," a situation or activity where you feel normal, grounded, and powerful -- I imagine myself jogging. Imagining cuddly kittens is good, too). Prepare for interviews by really convincing yourself that you would be a good candidate for the job.
The secret about interviews is that the interviewer is just trying to create a good match between a person and a job. It's not about whether you are "good enough," it's about that match. I know this sounds totally weird, but I've certainly interviewed people who were extremely awesome, and full of skills and talents, but just not the random skills needed for one particular job. I think they felt disappointed or judged not to be chosen, whereas I thought, "dude, you're an amazing opera singer who has never used a computer. Go sing! That's way better than this unpaid data entry internship." Then, it's less stressful to be interviewed when you see it as a conversation about "is this job a good match for your skills?" and not "are you good enough for this job?"
posted by salvia at 5:06 PM on October 28, 2009
Not sure if this applies to you, but a close friend of mine has consistently been told she seems "nervous" or "stressed out" in professional settings, even when she's not. She happens to have a rather high-pitched voice and speaks very quickly, which doesn't help. She also tends to run on a bit when speaking, filling in conversational gaps. What's worked for her is to purposely slow down her natural speaking rhythm, lower her pitch a bit, and err on the side of shorter sentences.
posted by Majorita at 5:25 PM on October 28, 2009
posted by Majorita at 5:25 PM on October 28, 2009
Try to find someone who will do a few mock interviews with you. A professional is best - someone who conducts interviews regularly, a career counselor, someone in the career development office at a university. They will give you valuable feedback on how potential employers are likely to perceive you and will coach you through the process. The only way to feel more comfortable with such a high-tension situation is to practice dozens of times. Beat the hell out of the damn thing until your nerves calm down enough not to trip you up.
It is really important that you act this out with someone. Going over it in your head isn't the same and, IMO, not enough - especially if what is going on in your head is part of the problem.
As for phone conversations; if I have to call a potential employer, I write myself a script of exactly what I want to say and I practice it a few times before making the call. Sounds neurotic I know, but its way better than rambling, pleading, interrogating, pestering etc. I also will sit on that script for a day (if possible) to make sure I've edited out the unnecessary and included what I need to.
Like the mock interview, writing out a script gets yourself out of your head so you can see what you're doing.
I never answer the phone while I'm job hunting, I let everything go to my voicemail - but I check it frequently. Sounds counter-intuitive, but you want to sound prepared, professional, and friendly but crisp on the phone. If you have a hard time with that, then give yourself time to prepare. Listen to the message carefully and write out exactly how you want to respond. Us email whenever possible.
There is no substitute for the kind of confidence you get from knowing exactly what you want to do and being qualified to do it. Once you have that, interview/job hunting mistakes won't feel as catastrophic.
And of course, go easy on yourself. You'll get better at it. You'll make mistakes and you'll learn from them.
Hope this helps.
posted by space_cookie at 6:09 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
It is really important that you act this out with someone. Going over it in your head isn't the same and, IMO, not enough - especially if what is going on in your head is part of the problem.
As for phone conversations; if I have to call a potential employer, I write myself a script of exactly what I want to say and I practice it a few times before making the call. Sounds neurotic I know, but its way better than rambling, pleading, interrogating, pestering etc. I also will sit on that script for a day (if possible) to make sure I've edited out the unnecessary and included what I need to.
Like the mock interview, writing out a script gets yourself out of your head so you can see what you're doing.
I never answer the phone while I'm job hunting, I let everything go to my voicemail - but I check it frequently. Sounds counter-intuitive, but you want to sound prepared, professional, and friendly but crisp on the phone. If you have a hard time with that, then give yourself time to prepare. Listen to the message carefully and write out exactly how you want to respond. Us email whenever possible.
There is no substitute for the kind of confidence you get from knowing exactly what you want to do and being qualified to do it. Once you have that, interview/job hunting mistakes won't feel as catastrophic.
And of course, go easy on yourself. You'll get better at it. You'll make mistakes and you'll learn from them.
Hope this helps.
posted by space_cookie at 6:09 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
Have you tried sitting down and having mock interviews with a few different family members and/or friends? To jumpstart things, write out about a dozen basic questions including the ones you felt you answered too honestly in this last interview, and give them to your "interviewer." You won't be able to simulate the interview experience exactly, particularly the anxiety, but having these conversations will make them more familiar which will provide some comfort when you're in a foreign environment, and whoever is helping you out might be able to give you some good, honest feedback not just including what you can improve upon, but what you are already doing right and don't need to worry about. Good luck!
posted by katemcd at 6:12 PM on October 28, 2009
posted by katemcd at 6:12 PM on October 28, 2009
I don't know how well this directly answers your question, but one thing I've learned the hard way, is that one of the main points of interviews is that they provide an opportunity to see how the "fit"
- unnameable qualities of the people involved - is.
Sounds like the interviewer and you just didn't click well. It happens. Be thankful you found out now, before you had to work with them, or put them on your resume.
And now you have more experience interviewing, so it will be easier the next time.
Seriously, just be yourself and answer questions to the best of your ability (yes, researching the place you're interviewing is needed so you'll know what you're talking about, and practicing/ anticipating questions is useful too, but at the end of the day, is this interviewer someone you want to spend 40+ hours a week with?) Sounds like you dogged a bullet.
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:00 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
- unnameable qualities of the people involved - is.
Sounds like the interviewer and you just didn't click well. It happens. Be thankful you found out now, before you had to work with them, or put them on your resume.
And now you have more experience interviewing, so it will be easier the next time.
Seriously, just be yourself and answer questions to the best of your ability (yes, researching the place you're interviewing is needed so you'll know what you're talking about, and practicing/ anticipating questions is useful too, but at the end of the day, is this interviewer someone you want to spend 40+ hours a week with?) Sounds like you dogged a bullet.
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:00 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
To sound friendlier and generally better on the phone:
- Smile while talking. It changes the quality of your voice.
- Stand. It gives you additional energy and helps air flow through the lungs and out the voicebox better.
- Don't be in pajamas or the like. Dress comfortably, but not slouchy. Maybe this is a mind-trick for yourself, but it seems to work.
- If you worry about taking a call and then drawing a complete blank, tape your resume onto your wall. That way, when they ask how many years experience you have, they don't hear you rustling papers to get your answer just because you draw a blank. Tape it to the wall instead of laying it on a desk, because you are standing.
Before interviews, I usually imagine how it will be. I flesh out all the details I can, about what they might ask and then imagine in detail the fantastic answers I will give. Imagining it in detail helps me, because then the interview is basically a rerun of my imagined interview. (And I have found that most interview questions, other than confirming basic things, boil down to this: "We have a problem. We need someone to solve that/those problem(s). How can you solve the problem(s)?")
Remember that you are your own worst critic. You see your every flaw, but others do not -- they may notice some of your flaws, but they are also listening to their own inner critic criticize their skills as an interviewer. In a way, you are both actors outwardly playing your parts while inwardly critically assessing yourselves. Keep that in mind.
posted by Houstonian at 7:44 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
- Smile while talking. It changes the quality of your voice.
- Stand. It gives you additional energy and helps air flow through the lungs and out the voicebox better.
- Don't be in pajamas or the like. Dress comfortably, but not slouchy. Maybe this is a mind-trick for yourself, but it seems to work.
- If you worry about taking a call and then drawing a complete blank, tape your resume onto your wall. That way, when they ask how many years experience you have, they don't hear you rustling papers to get your answer just because you draw a blank. Tape it to the wall instead of laying it on a desk, because you are standing.
Before interviews, I usually imagine how it will be. I flesh out all the details I can, about what they might ask and then imagine in detail the fantastic answers I will give. Imagining it in detail helps me, because then the interview is basically a rerun of my imagined interview. (And I have found that most interview questions, other than confirming basic things, boil down to this: "We have a problem. We need someone to solve that/those problem(s). How can you solve the problem(s)?")
Remember that you are your own worst critic. You see your every flaw, but others do not -- they may notice some of your flaws, but they are also listening to their own inner critic criticize their skills as an interviewer. In a way, you are both actors outwardly playing your parts while inwardly critically assessing yourselves. Keep that in mind.
posted by Houstonian at 7:44 PM on October 28, 2009 [1 favorite]
I've read that nervousness is repressed excitement, like you're energized, but hyper-vigilant over your performance, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, so you try to hold it back, and that creates the feeling of nervousness. This might also create the feeling of wanting to become invisible, and this might make you come off as withdrawn and cold to other people.
When I have interviews, I don't feel nervous at all until like 10 minutes before it starts, so what I do is practice freaking out right before. Rather than tell myself "Don't be nervous, don't be nervous" which makes things worse for me, I try to make myself as panicked as possible for like 10 seconds, relax for 30 seconds, and then repeat that a few times. This helps quite a lot, and I'm energetic, but not nervous in the interview.
Hope that helps!
posted by AlsoMike at 8:54 PM on October 28, 2009
When I have interviews, I don't feel nervous at all until like 10 minutes before it starts, so what I do is practice freaking out right before. Rather than tell myself "Don't be nervous, don't be nervous" which makes things worse for me, I try to make myself as panicked as possible for like 10 seconds, relax for 30 seconds, and then repeat that a few times. This helps quite a lot, and I'm energetic, but not nervous in the interview.
Hope that helps!
posted by AlsoMike at 8:54 PM on October 28, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
If you aren't smiling broadly when introduced, that's a no brainer. Not sure you even have to practice this - just do it.
2. And what are some pro-active ways I can even sound more friendly or act on the phone to be more cordial?
Actually, smiling when you are on the phone works, too, owing to physiological and psychological effects of the act that impact many aspects of communication.
posted by c, as in "kitchen" at 3:54 PM on October 28, 2009