Suggestions for a Book of Memories?

October 12, 2009 12:42 AM

Grateful for inspirational suggestions for a contribution to a "Book of Memories" for my brother's golden wedding anniversary.

My elder brother celebrates his golden wedding in November, and his three super kids have organised the party. My wife and I will travel there for a long weekend. The kids specifically said "No gifts, but please provide a contribution to the Book of Memories we are compiling" (suggesting pictures or a text).
Trouble is, although I love my brother and sister-in-law dearly, we have virtually no shared memories. He worked abroad while I was growing up, then I worked abroad when he moved back to our home country; as a result, we've seen each other for perhaps a total of two weeks over the past 50 years. Despite long and cordial email correspondence (including a lot of very helpful financial advice on his part), it would be fair (but brutal) to say we hardly know each other. A 12-year age gap doesn't help. And as our parents were divorced, he was more of an uncle- or father-figure to me than the way I imagine most brothers are (that is, on an equal rather than a guide/pupil footing).
Can any kind MeFite help me overcome what is rapidly turning into paralysed panic as the party day nears?

posted by aqsakal to human relations (5 comments total)

There was that Merchant Navy ship during WWII where a German U Boat sunk it.

It was full of British kiddies. I saw a great [and extrememly sad] doco where men would talk of their older brother handing them their life jacket and that was the last time they ever saw them...

So, given your age, maybe you can add a Bart Simpson quip: http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F01.html "glad that wasn't us."
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:27 AM on October 12

Prehaps your memories could be about how you or your parents felt when he was away for so long and then returned home for visits. How you felt - that maybe you saw his life as mysterious and exciting at the same time - even though these are not shared memories they are the memories YOU have of your brother (even the "helpful financial advice" he gave you. Maybe mentioning that he was an uncle figure to you - either way you still have memories of your brother from your childhood - I know that he would appreciate your kind words and it will mean so much to him and his wife. You can do it! Best wishes!
posted by pamspanda at 2:51 AM on October 12

Maybe you can talk about how much his guidance and advice has helped you? If he's tried to help you by giving advice, I bet he would appreciate hearing about how the advice has been helpful for you. Or if you've looked up to him/admired him, you could talk about that? It sounds like he has traits that you respect and you could talk about how that has guided you throughout your life. You could even talk about how he's done a great job with his kids, since you refer to them as super.

In my experience, while these books have a lot of memories, some people write about things they admire or love about the person, or how that person has really helped them. Ultimately it's just a nice way to share your love and respect for someone who has impacted your life.
posted by min at 8:30 AM on October 12

Despite long and cordial email correspondence (including a lot of very helpful financial advice on his part), it would be fair (but brutal) to say we hardly know each other. A 12-year age gap doesn't help. And as our parents were divorced, he was more of an uncle- or father-figure to me than the way I imagine most brothers are (that is, on an equal rather than a guide/pupil footing).

I think you've answered your own (adorably anxious) question here.

He gave you "golden" advice about money when you needed it.
He was the 24 carat figure you always looked up to?!

The puns just crept in there - I really meant those are lovely, genuine reasons to be thankful to a wise member of your own tribe because of the age difference.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:46 AM on October 12

Thanks very much, all of you. Nothing specific there (like I was hoping in a cowardly sort of way to be able to plagiarise when I posted the query), but some substantial ideas to pursue. I think I can develop some of this to produce a really sincere note for the Book of Memories.

If anybody else has a suggestion I'd welcome it, but these have already helped me overcome my paralysis and given me something to work on in time for the Big Party.

Best wishes to all of you and thanks again.
posted by aqsakal at 1:33 PM on October 12