Have you met my new much much better than you boyfriend?
September 30, 2009 9:41 AM Subscribe
Was in love with a friend. He is not in love with me. Haven't talked to him in 3 months, but find myself constantly having (childish) fantasies of him begging me back, going into a jealous rage when I've found someone else, and basically living with the horrible regret of throwing away his one chance at happiness. Must regain sanity and purge these thoughts.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (22 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I realize these fantasies are utterly ridiculous and they actually make me very unhappy to think about. I always imagine bumping into him at a bar one night and him demanding to know if the friend I'm with is my boyfriend or trying to get me to go home with him, and then I tell him to go to hell and that he gave up the chance to be with me and now he just has to live with the fact I'm with someone else. It's all very dramatic. I just end up working myself up and then flashing back to reality that he's the one that rejected me, not the other way around, and that he is not sitting around pining for me.
In my defense, he wasn't straight about whether he was interested in me for the better part of a year and I feel like part of him led me on because it was a bit of an ego trip for him. It ended after I told him I didn't want to see him again until we cleared everything up between us, which led to a huge drunken fight several weeks later. To say things are over between us is the understatement of the century.
Despite that I've been casually dating someone else who I have a lot of fun with for awhile now, my mind always goes back to him. I know I have a lot of anger towards him, especially because prior to this he was one of my best friends and I feel like he owed it to me to be straight with me and he was anything but.
But the real issue is that my mind just keeps going back to these scenarios. I feel like every time I'm bored and my mind wanders I go back to these ridiculous revenge fantasies. So how do I stop my mind from going there? Besides these thoughts I feel like I've largely moved on. I don't want to talk to him (and we used to email back and forth all day so this is huge), I don't want to see him, I just really want him to see me, looking really good, with someone really hot and successful who saves orphans in Africa and is even smarter than him, but better than him because he isn't obsessed with football. You get the idea.
And I should say I've thought about therapy, but besides these thoughts I'm actually ok with the way things are. I'm glad that after years of wondering I know he doesn't want me and I can move on. I'm glad he is out of my life, there is just these thoughts.