Should I believe him?
September 26, 2009 5:41 AM Subscribe
Should I believe him?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (51 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months.
One of my single friends was looking at OkCupid (a dating site) and came across a profile he had up there.
It listed him as single, and it said he had been active in the past week. My friend told me that she had seen this and sent me the link.
I asked him about it right away.
He told me that he hadn't been on that site since we were together. He said the only reason he logged this week was that the site sent him a message that someone emailed him.
He said he clicked on the link, looked at the email, and that was the end of it.
I asked him why the profile was still up. He said it was deactivated until he signed in to read the email. I've used that site myself in the past, and I know that if it actually were deactivated, then the person wouldn't have been able to email him, or even see the profile.
I also asked him why he even wanted to read the email in the first place. I told him that made it seem to me like he was still looking. If you were happy with your relationship, why would you be interesting in seeing what someone off a dating site wrote to you?
He said he just wanted to see if the email was someone he had been talking to on the website.
I asked him if they were people he'd had a romantic interest in. He said no.
He said that I'm the only person he wants, and he's not looking for anyone else.
Am I STUPID to believe all of this and stay with him? There's a big part of me that says I was fortunate to catch this now, before getting further involved.
If you were committed to your relationship, and you got an email from a dating website you had either forgotten about or thought you had deactivated, wouldn't your reaction be to delete the account? Instead of logging in to find out what the email said?
Compounding this all is the fact that he is flying to see me *today.* (We've been long distance for a month and will be for another month or two). I would feel horrible asking him to cancel now, and couldn't afford to refund his ticket money.
Other issues that may be relevant:
When we became serious, we agreed to not have any secrets, and not consider anything private from each other. This was actually *his* idea, and required a period of adjustment for me, though I was ultimately fine with it.
Only last week, an acquaintance asked me out, and although I turned him down right away, I also told my boyfriend about it, because it's the sort of thing he'd want to know.
He asked me not to socialize with that acquaintance anymore, and I was fine with that.
So I feel peeved that I've maintained that level of openness, yet meanwhile my boyfriend has a dating profile up behind my back and thinks nothing of receiving email from there and not telling me.
What do you think? Am I making a big deal over nothing?
As to his general trustworthiness, we did have issues with his honesty before we were dating seriously, but none since that I know of. He's been generally very loving, caring, and supportive in the relationship.