What makes humans tick?

September 25, 2009 1:40 AM

Suppose someone has trouble "reading" people in a (mostly) professional context. What can he or she study to get better at this?

I've heard that psychiatrists are trained to "peg" someone within a few minutes of meeting them. Obviously they have tons of experience with people, and obviously they are helped by the way patients express their problems.

However I'm sure there's literature out there that can help to assess people's personality, to make informed guesses about "where they're coming from", "what makes them tick" and that's also accessible to non-psychiatrists. Could you point the way? I'm not looking for self help books or online Meyers-Briggs tests, I'm looking for practical but scientific work on personality.

If you are a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, please explain what are the first things that you try to test or assess when meeting new people?

posted by OctopusRex to human relations (13 comments total)

I don't think this is a skill you'll be able to pick up by reading academic literature, rather there either will be or will not be an innate ability that can be developed. Let me put it this way: some folks just aren't ever going to be able to read other people, simply because of a pronounced lack of sensitivity to others. I don't mean this in a bad way, but some folks just don't pay attention to people around them, at least in sufficient minute detail to understand what's on their minds.

I'm fairly good at reading people, a skill that has been honed over a long period of time first and foremost by working with and managing people. IMHO what separates a good manager from a bad manager is the former is able to listen to what staff are saying, especially when they aren't saying it. Small problems don't become big problems, because when folks talk I try to understand what they are really saying.

Another subject that seriously added to my abilities to read people was sales training; I've taken lots of sales classes, and even the ultra expensive, high end sales courses I took (i.e., a couple topped out at about five thousand pounds a day, and no I didn't pay) always ended up focusing on the individual, and how to understand what was really going on in their head.

Persuasion, closely related to sales, is another area of study you might pursue. There are definitely skills to be gained in this area but, once again, it key off and is driven by basic listening skills.

Of course much of this plays off body language, and while there most certainly are on-line references for this material, if you're not the type of person who naturally looks for and responds (almost unconsciously) to such cues, you just won't benefit from reading such web sites.

I guess I'd suggest gaining more experience working with people, and perhaps even reading a book on body language and persuasion. If you could get some sales training that would help tremendously.
posted by Mutant at 2:59 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

I'm a litigator. So human behavior is something of great value to me and I've spent a whole lot of time trying to get better at this. Reading people is invaluable for depositions, cross-examinations and the like.

If it were something human beings actually could do. The more I focused on "reading" people, the more I realized that everyone spends a lot of time trying to read people's minds and nobody can do it.

The human mind seeks control. So it is no surprise that people attribute to themselves powers of observation and mind-reading nobody has. But they're wrong.

The most powerful tool you have is knowing that you and others cannot read minds. It makes you ask or seek out alternative forms of information and it stops you from acting on information you don't have. Usually people's belief in their ability to "read" another person will tell you more about the "reader's" hopes and fears than anything else.
posted by Ironmouth at 4:10 AM on September 25 [13 favorites]

Ironmouth nails it. Don't assume you know what people are thinking or where they're coming from. Listen to what they say, but don't even assume that's true.

Trust me, you can't figure out where I'm coming from. I have deep, dark secrets and I keep an eye on my tells. Everyone does. I can't read my wife for god's sake, and we've been with each other for 13 years. I have trouble reading my 2 year old sometimes and he isn't even able to deliberately lie yet.

Really, really, really don't try to "read" people. The most annoying person in the world is the person who tells you how you feel. :)
posted by paanta at 6:00 AM on September 25 [5 favorites]

I've been told that I'm fairly good at reading people. That said, I feel I rarely utilize it.

Mostly, in order to get under the surface of someone's persona, I interview people. I ask them questions and I use those answers to inform a placeholder assessment. Then I test my placeholder assessments with further questions.

Example

SinisterPurpose: So, what television shows do you like to watch?

BetaRayBill: I really like House.

Now I could assume that the character of House is appealing in some way. But why guess?

Sinisterpurpose: What attracts you to that show?

BetaRayBill: I like how House is always messing with his boss.

Perhaps BetaRayBill has either acute or chronic issues with authority. Now I'll find a way to talk about authority.

In short, let people tell you who they are.
posted by SinisterPurpose at 6:53 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

I have the same experiences- the more I try to "get" someone, the more I miss the things they are telling me.

Don't try to read people's minds or anticipate them. Just go with the flow and approach them at face value. I've found that while I occasionally miss some hidden tell or fail to recognize a lie, it more than pays itself back in actually experiencing and enjoying people.

(Also, it's just ever so slightly arrogant/self-centered/narcissistic to do this. It can easily turn into seeming like a control freak- if you mind-read and anticipate, you give the impression to others that you are trying to control their thoughts and opinions, and that you don't trust them to think for themselves. It rarely happens on purpose or consciously, but it does happen.)
posted by gjc at 7:04 AM on September 25

Play poker. Against live opponents, not online. Once you've gotten good enough to win more than you lose at low-limit hold-'em, you'll find that the skills you gain in "reading" people there can extend outside of the poker table.
posted by Citrus at 8:30 AM on September 25 [1 favorite]

You might find this perspective interesting.
posted by Wet Spot at 8:50 AM on September 25

To clear up any misconceptions, I'm not trying to become an armchair psychologist or a (gasp) mindreader.

I simply want to understand people better. I think no one will dispute the fact that people actually have a personality? What I want to learn is to understand personalities. What are the different personalities available? How can I recognize them? What do they like, how do they behave, how do they talk? How to they feel about things?

I asked for scientific approaches and specific literature about personality to avoid lectures about how I should or should not approach people.
posted by OctopusRex at 9:33 AM on September 25

I am not a counselor or psychologist, but I did complete a masters with a heavy counseling component.

What are the different personalities available? How can I recognize them? What do they like, how do they behave, how do they talk? How to they feel about things?

You seem like you're looking for an answer like this:
"There are five main types of personalities. They are distinguished by the following characteristics and best ways of interacting with them..."

Unfortunately, no such answer exists. There are countless theories/tests that propose personality types, some barely more than than Facebook/fashion magazine quiz trash ("what kind of girlfriend are YOU?") some carefully tested, but in the end, they are just different ways of glossing over the differences between individuals. If you want to read people, you don't want to gloss over anything.

Asking for the things a trained professional does in making a psych assessment is also a bit insulting, although I don't think you intended it that way. It reads a little like "Hey, I know you worked hard for years in medical/graduate school, and carefully developed this expertise, but I'd like to use it as a parlor trick" - again, I don't think you meant that, but I don't want you to hold out hope that a psychologist is going to jump in with "5 easy tips to read people like a pro".

I'm saying this as someone who loves personality tests and trying to figure out what makes people tick, so it's not that I don't understand your impulse.
posted by donnagirl at 10:03 AM on September 25 [2 favorites]

Former FBI agent Joe Navarro has some good books on the topic of body language. I've read the poker focused one, and it has helped a few times, but nothing is going to be foolproof.
SinisterPurpose has a good approach, basically Bayesian in nature - try a hypothesis, see if you can confirm, narrow over time, be objective. Make sure you aren't rationalizing your feelings, rather than observing the evidence.
posted by bashos_frog at 1:33 PM on September 25

I am not a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, so feel free to ignore at will.

I suggest you come up for a reason why people do things. You say you want to improve in a professional environment, so lets say you are lawyer like Ironmouth. Your paralegal says "I think we ought to sue the bastard" Now normally you say "Bad idea" and move on and don't think about it again. I want you to to think about it during that car ride home, and not zone out to Phil Collins. Why did my paralegal say that? Was it because my paralegal has a problem with whomever she wanted to sue. Is her boyfriend off with someone else and she is grumpy for that reason? Does my paralegal get litigious after 4:00pm. If you think about it for a minute, I'm sure you can come up with a reason why people do things.

Like Citrus, I think gaming helps. But I like online poker, you get quick results. When I first started I would call other's "all-ins" rather readily. They would often turn over very good cards, which made me reassess. Now I try to listen better to what they are saying.

And better than poker is Diplomacy, though you have fewer friends each game you play
posted by rakish_yet_centered at 5:08 PM on September 25

What do they like, how do they behave, how do they talk? How to they feel about things?

Apologies for getting all lecture-y again, but that is exactly trying to read people's minds. Every person is different, and trying to predict how they will behave is impossible. In the first place, it's rude, and in the second place, people often change their behavior based on who is looking. And in the third place, even if it were possible to put together a map of a person's personality that would usefully predict their likes and dislikes, it's pretty arrogant to think you can do it in a few casual, social encounters.

You are basically looking for scientific evidence to support prejudice. (As in prejudging people- "oh, this guy is a Sarcastic Prick Type 3, now I know how to deal with him".)

There's plenty of literature about personality, but none of it will help you understand individuals.

And I really doubt any mental health professionals would appreciate the idea that they "peg" people after the first few minutes. Nor do I think they would actually do that. At least if they had any ethics. The only thing you can "peg" in that amount of time is a general idea of their *current* mood or stress level.

Now, if you want to understand people, as in the sum total of all humanity, we are just what happens when the smartest, meanest monkeys survive for a couple million generations.
posted by gjc at 5:16 PM on September 25

What you want are books and videos designed for people with Asperger's, a milder form of autism that is characterized by exactly this difficulty. You don't actually have to have Asperger's to benefit.

I don't know which ones are the best, but I'm guessing someone on here or google does.
posted by Maias at 8:15 PM on September 25 [1 favorite]